[ SECRET POST #4396 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4396 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.



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02.
[Orwell: Ignorance is Strength]


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03.
[Russell Howard, "Recalibrate"]


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04.
[D. L. Hughley, Jimmy Carr and Katherine Ryan on The Fix on Netflix]


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05.
[A Star is Born]


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06.
[John Malkovich as Hercule Poirot in The ABC Murders]


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07.
[Andrew Knowlton, restaurant editor for Bon Appétit magazine and host on The Final Table]


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08.
[Exo/Cross Fire - Fonda Lee]








Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 08 secrets from Secret Submission Post #629.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

And it's not just in things like arguments, it's stuff like not saying "no, I don't really feel like going out for dinner today, let's do it next week" and agreeing to go anyway and then being grumpy and unpleasant the whole time because they didn't actually want to go.

I end up doing this because I was raised to be "polite" and keep my mouth shut to avoid being seen as "rude". Even now, I'm kind of afraid to stand up to my mom because unless I word something exactly right (with tons of effusive praise and compliments inserted in between whatever I'm actually trying to say, and I'm just not always up for that bullshit) she has a meltdown about how I'm ungrateful and don't appreciate her and why does she even bother trying to do anything nice etc. It's easier to just go along with stuff sometimes and there are times when you don't succeed at pretending you're happy to be there no matter how hard you try.

[(Anonymous)]

Are you me? My mum does this too. I'm starting to think she might have narcissistic personality disorder.

[(Anonymous)]

Same, non. My mother is the exact same way. Growing up she would ask me my opinion on something or if I wanted this or that but my answer was always "wrong" -- no matter what I said, it would set her off to varying degrees (sometimes lots of passive aggressive comments, sometimes outright screaming) and I just learned to never express my actual preferences for anything and instead just go with whatever I thought the other person wanted no matter how I felt about it.

It's an INCREDIBLY hard habit to break even into adulthood. I've been in relationships where the other person just didn't get why I looked at basic questions like "where do you want to eat" like they're a minefield and they'd get annoyed if I kept saying "oh, lets do whatever you want."

Stating what you want plainly is not easy when you've got years of being shot down and dragged into stressful arguments for doing exactly that.

[(Anonymous)]

NAYRT, but oh boy do I relate to this. As an adult, I now understand that a lot of how my mom is comes from her being raised in an very abusive home, but as a child it was very hard to deal with how anything whatsoever could set off the guilt trips and “why do you hate me” and so forth and so forth. And yeah, now, I have a hard time expressing a preference for anything, because I’m always afraid of upsetting or disappointing someone, even when I know my tendency to say “whatever you want” really aggravates people.

[(Anonymous)]

This really sounds like Narcisstic Personality Disorder and how it manifests in women. Google for the site "You're not Crazy, it's your mother." It is a really helpful resource. (There is a book of the same name.)