[ SECRET POST #4406 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4406 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 47 secrets from Secret Submission Post #631.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Would this be a friendship dealbreaker

[(Anonymous)]

When a person exhibits a mean streak, be it online or in person, then I don't care how long I've known them before that - now I know that, beyond their good side, they have a freaking mean streak, and they delight in being nasty to people and think there'll be no repercussions. That's when I slowly ghost out of a friendship. I'll be polite to them if we meet, or if they initiate contact, but no longer initiate myself or engage beyond the superficial.
Similar for: talking shit behind people's backs, being rude to people in the service industry, cruelty to animals, or any joy taken in the tears or misfortune of children.

Re: Would this be a friendship dealbreaker

[(Anonymous)]

You're seriously never (as an example) groused to one co-worker about another?

Not in like a, "Holy shit, Becky is such a slag, did you see her clothes today?!" way, but even a, "I can't believe Becky was late for the third time this week and she doesn't get in trouble for it. Ugh." way?

Re: Would this be a friendship dealbreaker

[(Anonymous)]

When I have a complaint about a co-worker's, then I discuss the issue directly with that coworker if I'm comfortable enough with them to do so, or I go to HR or management depending on the issue - that's what they're for. What good does bitching about it to someone else do? Won't solve the problem, and it'd make me feel disgusting. This is not easy for me, and this kind of communication was a super hard habit to develop. And yeah, I sometimes have the HUGE impulse to hop abord the gossip train again, because gawd that's braincandy, but ... yeah, I have vivid memories of overhearing shit like that about myself and I never want to have even the slightest possibility of causing someone else that kind of pain. So yes, I'm a ascetic when it comes to behind-their-back chatting.

Sure, sometimes I'll discuss a mutual friend's issues with someone, but that'd be more of a "I'm worried about X, have you noticed that, too? What can we do / how can we help?" thing rather than, "omg, wow, I can't believe she did X" thing.

And before you ask, yes, being this strict with myself and with what I tolerate in my friend-circle does mean I have a very small, but therefore very close and intimate circle. And I'm okay with that.

Re: Would this be a friendship dealbreaker

[(Anonymous)]

I'm glad! (and I don't mean that sarcastically at all, I really am glad that you strive to be the better person in situations like that).

I honestly really only gripe about co-workers to one person, because it never leaves our office, and it's only about stuff that I have repeatedly complain to my bosses about but has gone nowhere for whatever reason. I should probably feel bad about it, but these are the kind of people who do not take confrontation of any sort well (one woman actually blew up in my face for saying 'hey how are you, I haven't seen you today') so it's easier for me to basically bitch about it and let it go than let it sit inside me all the time.

Re: Would this be a friendship dealbreaker

[(Anonymous)]

DA

I wouldn't consider talking about someone's workplace performance to another co-worker to be "talking shit." Like, if you're gonna call her a stupid lazy bitch, yeah, but complaining about lateness I find totally ok and relevant.