fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4412 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4412 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid]

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03.

[Haunted (on Netflix), "The Slaughterhouse"]

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04.

[Criminal Minds]

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05.

[The Promised Neverland]

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06.

[British rapper Big Narstie]

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07.

[Criminal Minds season 4, episode 13, "Bloodline"]

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08.

[Angelina Jolie in Lara Croft: Tomb Raider]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 50 secrets from Secret Submission Post #632.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've never been particularly interested in children and at no point have I ever wanted them in particular. But I've spent the last few weeks imagining my life with a child around, and in my fantasies, at least, it's one that I like.

Okay to be honest, I'm gonna start with this. As a non-parent, kids are pretty fucking permanent (unless you're doing it wrong), and as much as I loved helping raise my niece and having her in the house full time for the first few years of her life (because her mother's mother is a bitch, but that is another story), it's a huge leap from basically glorified babysitting to actual parenthood.

Kids are a full time gig. You say that you've never super felt the urge to have kids, so I feel like this is more a 'I should have kids before it becomes unviable', and not, 'I would like a child because I love kids and right now my life is incomplete without them'.

I would suggest fostering as a 'try before you buy' type deal, but I know from a co-worker's experience that unless (and even if) you're fostering babies and small children, that comes with more difficulties than baking your own from scratch and raising it.

Because you don't really have a support system in place should things not go the way you plan, I can't say that I think having a kid just because seems like a great idea. If you can though, and you have access, I would consider talking to a professional (therapist etc) about this, walk through with them your whys and reasons for considering, and also think about the cons.

I feel like this is more a 'I should have kids before it becomes unviable', and not, 'I would like a child because I love kids and right now my life is incomplete without them'.

It's a combination, I think. A cousin my age recently had a baby she wasn't at all planning for. She was extremely upset when she discovered her pregnancy and her boyfriend had to talk her into keeping the baby. As it turns out, she's perfectly happy as a mother. I think part of my thoughts right now are "if she is happy now, why shouldn't I be?"

Talking to a professional isn't a bad idea. I think I'll give that a shot.

nayrt but... just because your cousin was happy after all doesn't mean you'll be, even if you have similar personalities and backgrounds. On the flip side, a friend of mine got a major case of baby-craving after being in the "no kids" camp until her 30s. She convinced her husband to go along with it, thinking that he'd love the baby and dive into fatherhood once the baby arrived.

Spoilers: He didn't, he's a terrible, emotionally absent father and she's raised two kids pretty much by herself because he chooses to spend all his free time glued to his laptop and phone. He's never even been alone with them for more than an hour and they're elementary school age now.

Not-OP, but the original Anon, but I feel bad for everyone in that situation tbh. The mom for getting stuck raising the kids, the kids for having an absentee father, and the father for getting stuck with something he didn't want (and she knew he didn't want) because he presumably said yes because he thought it would make her happy (and like her, maybe he thought he would turn into super-dad when the kids were born).

I honestly don't feel bad for the father. He said yes, but I don't think he truly believed he'd become Super Dad. I think he said yes because she promised him she'd raise the kids single-handed with no help from him... which is basically what she's done. He's an asshole in other ways too, mind you. But he hasn't even tried to be a good father and shows zero interest in his kids.

DA

That guy's a dick. My dad wasn't that bad, but he never really liked me and was mostly emotionally unavailable. I'm in my 30s now and still screwed up from that.

I feel sorry for those kids. I hope their maternal grandfather is picking up some slack, and there are other other positive male influences in their life.

... no, unfortunately. No positive male role models. I hate to come down too harshly because what's done is done, but I think it was a bad decision to have kids with that guy and I think those kids will pay the price for having an asshole emotionally unavailable father.

My dad has always been like this and he very much wanted kids. Not to look after, just as an accessory for pictures and social events to make himself look like a family man.

I'm so sorry. People like that definitely shouldn't have kids.

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