Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2008-09-09 05:08 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2008-09-09 05:08 pm
[ SECRET POST #613 ]
⌈ Secret Post #613 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
RANK 36 AND WE BROKE 1000! → [ pop ind tra sec
Secrets Left to Post: 12 pages, 293 secrets from Secret Submission Post #088.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 3 4 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 2 3 4 - what ], [ 1 2 3 4 - troll ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: OP
(Anonymous) 2008-09-10 03:49 am (UTC)(link)To be honest, I was sort of deluding myself before now, which explains a lot of the lies. People kept asking me things like 'why don't you have a boyfriend?' and 'why do you turn everyone down?' and I couldn't really answer the questions myself. The guys that asked me out (though not that many) are lovely people and charming people but when I get put in that situation I feel I can't like them back in the way they want me to, as much as I love them as friends. I wondered then if it was something like personality -- that I didn't really know that many guys and that eventually someone I'll be able to like back will come along, and I could shut everyone up.
I guess the other half of my paranoia is because I can't fully shake the catholic baggage that I've dragged over from my parents. As much as I want to be who I am, I do have ingrained prejudices that manifest as self-loathing for not being able to fully get rid of what I used to think and used to be scared of. The idea that there could be yaoi and yuri was such a revelation when I was younger, the fact that it was 'okay' to like another girl was mind-blowing, and I still can't help but feel that sense of 'it's not allowed' in my mind, just through the stupid stupid haze of mindwashing.
Also, I have close, close friends who are a tiny bit homophobic in a similar vein, even if they don't really show it. I don't want them to mistrust me for being dishonest and for a reason like this...
I'm sorry for pouring this out for you. ^^' but it feels like things are a little complicated, and having this sort of thing bubbling up alongside everything else is a bit much. I graduated high school a year earlier than most people from my country. Due to parental pressure I'm now in my second year in uni, and I think i'm not quite ready to handle the workload. I've also apparently been too introverted and I'm deathly afraid because a friend of mine is trying to get me to be more outgoing, which includes attempting to set me up with someone. I'm not sure what to do or say sometimes when she gets like that, and even though we're close... i've fallen out with her over this kind of thing before and I'm scared she'll call it an excuse, because I don't think I could deal with it.
erh, maybe I should have emailed this, because my friend will know who I am if she sees this, but either way, I'll just leave this here and see what happens... ;; it might help. x_x
Re: OP
PARENTSFRIENDS TO WATCH MARIMITE. lololI don't mind listening at all. When life gets messy, bottling things up will make anyone go nuts eventually. I really empathize with what you're going through, but I guess I shouldn't prompt you to say too much more to me here. I still encourage you to contact me if you want to talk in the future. Or if you just want someone to listen. Setting up a new e-mail account does not take long. :) ♥
edited to fix obvious typo lol