fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4499 ]

[ SECRET POST #4499 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4499 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 12 secrets from Secret Submission Post #644.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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This secret confuses me. You 'heard' she's a bitch online in fandom spaces? Like, someone told you this, and you just blanket decided clearly it must be true and that you can't be friends with her?

Or you came across her activity and it didn't jive with how she acts around you, and you... didn't bring it up at all? Just decided to dump the friendship?

I'm honestly amazed by how highly some of you here esteem friendship.

My husband is my best and only true friend, and everyone else in the world is so not worth the trouble on anything more than a very superficial level.

That's both sad and and with no context... sounds like how abusers alienate people out of the abusees life.

Maybe someday you'll experience a loving marriage and understand what I'm talking about. I hope so, anon!

My parents have a very loving marriage (I'm not interested in relationships at all), but they are not the be all and end all of their worlds. They have friends.

It's pretty creepily isolating to have NO friends but your spouse.

Huh. My parents have a loving marriage, and they've never had friends they regularly saw or hung out with.

Dude, I think we're just introverts without the emotional energy to maintain anything but casual acquaintances.

Weird how you immediately jumped onto this "creepy" and "abusive" angle.

Yeah no, I'm an introvert too and that's not just being introverted, that's definitely not normal and more than a little unhealthy.

It can be, depending on the situation, but different things work for different people.

Stop being so goddamn judgmental because something else works for you.

dude, it's just plain not healthy to have your entire emotional support system be a single person. for one thing, it's incredibly unfair to that person, and for another, they can't always be there for you at all times, and there will be times where you don't see eye-to-eye on things and they don't agree with you. that's why it's important to have a few different people you can turn to.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2019-05-02 01:14 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2019-05-02 01:25 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2019-05-02 04:10 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2019-05-02 04:20 (UTC) - Expand

Are you in a one man cult or something? Because this sounds just as unhealthy...

Whoa, I'm in a loving marriage and I still have friends that I hold incredibly dear... I'm sorry people are dogpiling you, but it's honestly not healthy to hinge your entire emotional existence on one person. What if (god forbid) something happened to them? What support would you have? D:

so. I'm new to this. I'm in a very loving marriage.

I still have a few friends. So does she. I don't understand what you're talking about, you sound brainwashed and obsessed.

What's sad is that you looked at one person's situation and then immediately jumped to "OH IT MUST BE ABUSE OBVIOUSLY"

They literally said ‘with no context’, providing a caveat that their response was based solely on what the anon had said, and then said it sounded like an unhealthy relationship. Reading comprehension, do you have it?

I can read and comprehend just fine. It's still rude as fuck. Just like you.

You must be one of those people who doesn’t give a fuck about friends because their entire life revolves around their significant other.

Wow. Uh, as someone who has always sucked at making and keeping friends, that sounds, er, really fucked up.

OK whatever, I feel like there's a lot of same-anoning and/or intentional trolling going on ITT, so I'm out.

Anon-from-above, but I honestly assumed the same thing on your part so...

AYRT—this reply is my second of two comments on this secret. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to love your spouse a lot, but putting all your emotional eggs in one basket is really risky. What happens if you outlive them? What if they have or make a best friend they love with the same, but non-romantic/sexual, intensity with which they love you?

Also, your initial comment was incredibly dismissive of non-romantic relationships to the point of being insulting, and while it sucks that at least one person compared your situation to abuse, “maybe someday you’ll have a loving relationship with your spouse” is also super insulting; you have no way of knowing if they do already.

Also, despite sucking at making friends and romantic relationships both, the idea that love is a limited resource to be conserved or hoarded or only shared with one person creeps me out.

It's also putting a very unfair burden on the spouse because they have to be your Emotional Support 24/7 since you don't have anyone else to go to for emotional support. You're totally dependent on them for all of your emotional needs and that really isn't fair to them. They deserve the right and the ability to have an emotional life outside of you.

AYRT—I agree, but a couple people made that point already. I’m actually kind of weirded out by the original comment, up until then, no one had mentioned spouses at all and it just seemed random.

Friendship is generally considered a good thing, and most relationship advice recommends having separate friends outside your partnership. Come on, you had to have known this would raise some eyebrows.

All the married couples I know who have little to no friends actually don't have them because they drove all the ones they had away with their shitty behaviour so excuse me while I take your weirdly holier than thou attitude with a huge pot full of salt.

Why is "heard" in quotes when the secret maker didn't use that word?

They said "found out," which COULD mean they "heard" is somewhere, but it could also mean they went into the fandom space their friend frequents, and saw them being a bitch firsthand.

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