fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4688 ]

[ SECRET POST #4688 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4688 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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I'm with you. For me it's all thinking the two characters in a relationship would be interesting. A ship has never "turned me on" but then I honestly don't know how to know if you're turned on as a woman so obviously I'm a total weirdo lol.

I have some ships where I want to read about them making like bunnies, but I also have other ships where I just want them to have an adorable family and grow old together and I have zero interest whatsoever in imagining or reading about them doing the deed.

This whole argument that ships are about what turns you on is completely bizarre to me. Like you, what matters to me is whether I think the two characters work well together. Sometimes that involves sex, sometimes it doesn't. Heck, I ship Steven and Connie from Steven Universe and I absolutely don't want to think about them having sex at all. I just want them to have a cute, innocent first love with slow dances at school dances and awkward kisses and working up the guts to hold hands and that kind of thing.

DA

This whole argument that ships are about what turns you on is completely bizarre to me. Like you, what matters to me is whether I think the two characters work well together. Sometimes that involves sex, sometimes it doesn't.

Seconding all of this. I mean, yeah, sometimes my ships involve characters I also happen to crush on and all that, but that's not the main reason I ship those characters with somebody. It's just a nice side bonus :p.

Yeeeaaahhhh I have to say that this whole thread is making me feel really creeped out because I guess a lot of people self insert into pairings they like or something? I've written some smut for some of my favorite pairings and now I'm feeling pretty gross because I didn't intend for people to imagine themselves as one of the characters, it was supposed to be about those two particular characters and their relationship. Eww.

AYRT

Yeah, I don't really do that when writing about my favorite pairings, either. When I want to fantasize about myself with a character I crush on, I just cut out the middle man (or woman, in my case :p) and go straight to imagining myself with them. If I'm reading about a particular pairing I like, I'm viewing it all as an outsider looking in and enjoying watching these characters' relationship develop.

But I can see where others might use another character to act out their fantasies of being with the one they crush on. Maybe they see this character as having some appealing, attractive quality they feel they wish they had, maybe using a character as their self-insert is the easiest way for them to communicate, as it were, with their character crush, maybe it's just easier for them to write a romance if they can actively imagine themselves in the shoes of the character who's crushing on someone, I dunno. There could be all kinds of reasons.

Ehh, I wouldn't say it's self-insert really, but sort of? For example, the slash character in a pairing I relate to most, I kind of want to see in scenarios that I would prefer, like...Castiel is the dom in the D/s I like, because I relate most to Castiel and I'm dominant.

But no, I don't imagine literally fucking Dean Winchester with the dick I don't have. I want Cas to do that.

This whole argument that ships are about what turns you on is completely bizarre to me. Like you, what matters to me is whether I think the two characters work well together. Sometimes that involves sex, sometimes it doesn't.

NA - Oh, it's completely necessary that I like the dynamic between the characters. That's just a basic prerequisite. The difference is that if I like the dynamic between the characters in a "ship it" way, then I want them to fuck. 100% of the time, no exceptions.

You're not a weirdo. But I'd say your experience isn't super common.

My sex drive is low. Like, LOW. Probably 1/10. And I gotta say, if you don't know how to tell when you're turned on (I mean physically turned on)...I think you've probably never been turned on? Or at least never more than slightly turned on. Because it's just kind of hard to miss.

That said, a lot of what we talk about when we talk about "being turned on" isn't necessarily physical arousal. A lot of it is mental sexual interest? Which is something I can see being kind of difficult to pinpoint, depending on how strong your libido is. For me, mental sexual interest is just...sexual stuff I like thinking about and feel drawn to think about and get mental/emotional pleasure from thinking about.

Someone with a stronger libido might feel a lot more strongly compelled to think about that stuff, and they'd also be a lot more likely to get physically aroused while doing so, which would make the whole thing pretty obvious for what it was. But if you have a low sex drive, it can, at times, all be a little murky.

And if you're completely, totally ace and never get turned on at all, mentally or physically, that's ok too.

ayrt

Yeah, for me there's definitely times when I mentally feel like "I want to have sex/masturbate right now" but in a conversation with a friend once they said that that doesn't count, and if you're actually turned on "your genitals will tingle" and I've literally never had tingling genitals in my life lol...is that what you mean by physical arousal? Or is that something else and my friend is just crazy? lol This is all kind of confusing to me idk, I feel like an idiot.

I think if your genitals are literally tingling you should probably see a doctor. Or more specifically, your friend should.

DA - I think "tingling genitals" is one of those descriptions a lot of women use because it's...vaguely in the ballpark of reality, but much less explicit than an accurate description would be. I'm sure a lot of women aren't comfortable describing it accurately.

I mean, if you feel like having sex, of course it counts.

The "tingle" thing, I wouldn't call it tingling, but it's hard to describe. I guess...blood rushing to your bits like men experience?

Yeah, for me there's definitely times when I mentally feel like "I want to have sex/masturbate right now" but in a conversation with a friend once they said that that doesn't count, and if you're actually turned on "your genitals will tingle"

I think your friend is conflating physical arousal with mental/emotional interest. Which is easy to do, for a lot of people, because I think if you have a moderate or high libido, then being mentally/emotionally interested is likely to result in also being physically aroused. Like, the two will happen almost simultaneously.

I do think they're separate, though. And there's definitely some confusion because different people use "turned on" in different ways. Like, if your sexual partner calls you on the phone and says, "Babe, I'm so turned on right now," he probably means physically (with aspects of mental/emotional arousal as well). But in fandom, when we talk about things that turn us on, I think that can mean any or all types of turned on. I don't think you have to have gotten physically aroused by something in order to say it turns you on. Lots of things "turn me on" mentally without being enough to get my motor running physically.

and if you're actually turned on "your genitals will tingle" and I've literally never had tingling genitals in my life lol...is that what you mean by physical arousal?

Basically, yes? Or, to be more explicit, your labia will feel swollen and probably kind of slippery, and it will feel good. And maybe the muscles get kind of fluttery and achy, but also in a good way. If you're significantly aroused, it can be like your vag is a whole different organ than it is when you're not aroused, just because suddenly it's so active and sensitive and feels bigger than usual.

Other women may also feel other things. I think some experience arousal in their nipples? Maybe even other places as well? But I've never had that, so I can't really say.

Like, if ~~your~~ one's sexual partner calls ~~you~~ them on the phone and says, "Babe, I'm so turned on right now," he/she probably means physically

This was a hypothetical, but my phrasing still felt kind of tactless, so I fixed it.

ayrt

Wow, yeah, definitely never felt anything like that.

That said, a lot of what we talk about when we talk about "being turned on" isn't necessarily physical arousal. A lot of it is mental sexual interest? Which is something I can see being kind of difficult to pinpoint, depending on how strong your libido is. For me, mental sexual interest is just...sexual stuff I like thinking about and feel drawn to think about and get mental/emotional pleasure from thinking about.

DA. Yeah, I'd say this is pretty common. Like, it's satisfactory for the characters to wind up together, like watching a romcom ending where you feel the couple should end up together and they do feels satisfactory, but not really erotic.

Fic that's erotic and creates a physical reaction is different (and it's a small subset of REALLY good smutfic.)

In my case, even a lot of things that have me going, "Holy shit, I feel like I could breathe steam, that is so fucking erotic" STILL don't get me physically turned on. Which I think is probably where the whole "low libido" bit comes into play? But maybe even that is more common than I'm aware of, I honestly don't know.

it's a small subset of REALLY good smutfic.

Hell yeah, it is. And praise it for existing.

Your vagina gets wet.

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[ SECRET POST #4688 ]

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