fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4711 ]

[ SECRET POST #4711 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4711 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Given]

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[Greedfall]

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06. [SPOILERS for Lumine]

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07. [WARNING for discussion of rape]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #674.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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We always need at least one.

I'm a horrible person, I hate myself, I've never been depressed enough to be suicidal but gods I wish I were. Things would be better for everyone if I could just accept that I need to kill myself and proceed with it.

Please don't. You'll hear this from a lot of people, and it may be hard to believe, but it's a fact when I say you've had a positive impact on at least one person in the world.

Hey, unless your name rhymes with Ronald Grump, please don’t kill yourself. Your brain is lying to you. And even if you’ve done horrible shit, you can change. It can be frightening and takes work, but try baby steps like swapping your kitten sandwich out for a pb&j or grilled cheese.

What? You don’t eat kittens? See, you haven’t hit moral bottom after all! You can be better, anon! I believe in you!

Sorry for the gallows humor, but I’ve been where you are a few times, and am glad I lived through it, even if I didn’t think so at the time.

Maybe to counteract your brain screaming about how much its meat suit sucks, do small good things for people, like complement someone on their fic or art? Or if you have the means, donate a few dollars to charity or buy a homeless person a (not kitten) sandwich. And be kind to your meat suit. Give it a warm bath and clean clothes. I hope your brain lets up on you, and I’m sorry you have to deal with its bs.

On Sunday, it'll have been a week since you broke up with me.

How much longer can you sleep easily, I wonder, even knowing the pain you caused? How many beds have you hopped into since then? Because nobody is buying your rhetoric, you know. I want to - not that I want to think it's my fault for being what keeps you from achieving your best self and nothing more; I just want to believe you now like i believed you then. But i can't give you the same benefit of the doubt you had before.

You broke the promises you made over eight years, after all. What's lying compared to that? Easy, isn't it?

Im amazed more people irl havent picked up on this, frankly. Ive gotten better at hiding my sorrow until im safely home, I think. Does that mean i'm worse at trusting? Or did i just sink to the low trust levels i should've had all along? Is it worth opening my heart again when all it leads to is agony?

Better for me to just be quiet, right? That seems to be what you believe.

My dad owes me $250 (which is about a week's income for me), and gets pissy if I try to remind him to pay me back. It's Christmas! I need that money already! Come the fuck on!

I hope this goes without saying, but please never lend him any money ever again no matter how much he whines or tries to guilt trip you about it. The only exception is that if you can afford to give that money away as a gift and never resent the fact that he's bad at paying people back.

Okay, so, I *think* I've already had a whinge about this on a previous vent thread, but w/e:
I'm unemployed and disabled. My Disability Employment Provider (which is basically a temp agency that's supposed to specifically consider my disabilities) strongarmed me into a "training course" which pretty much just consists of working for a fast food outlet for 100 hours. Unpaid, of course. Oh, and they'll "probably" offer me a job at the end. Sure.
So first I had The Battle of the Hours: I'm only required by the government to do 15 hours of activity for my DEP every week, because of the whole "disabled" thing. They wanted me to do 25 hours a week at the fast food place, and really dragged their feet on passing on my actual legal requirements. Fortunately the manager at the fast food place just went ahead and scheduled me for 15 hours without waiting for word from on high, but it was rather stressful.
Now I have the quieter but similarly bothersome Someone's Forgotten Their Obligations: see, for thing whole thing to be even vaguely legal (though rather shady, I called my local parliamentary rep and his office said it was messed up and I was right to be mad), the fast food joint has to do a few things in exchange for all this free labour. Mainly, they have to provide *training*. They are not. So I've been taking notes, and when this whole mess eventually wraps up, I hope for the opportunity to rip several people new orifices.

In the meantime, the work sucks and is very boring and the only thing I've learned is how much cross-contamination goes on at this place. (It's like, a lot, my gods.)

shit, that shouldn't even be legal!

I know, but here we are!

Re: Vent Thread

(Anonymous) - 2019-11-30 00:32 (UTC) - Expand

When I worked in fast food, all of my training was on the job and I got paid for it. This is so bogus.

Oh god, that sounds a lot like the bullshit Welfare-to-Workfare programs for the disabled/non-disabled in the United States.

Wow. I'm on disability in Canada, and our system can be pretty shitty sometimes but holy crap I've never had to deal with anything remotely like this. Fuuuuck that is shady and exploitative and gross of them. I'm sorry. :(

I'm so fed up with that holidays season already. All I could want was, for my friend not to be dead.

I hear you. The worst part is that I used to love Christmas and was so excited this year until I lost somebody very important to me.

I think my friend is at risk of having another suicidal episode. For context I'm over 200 miles away so we're not exactly geographically close but a few weeks ago I stayed up half the night on a weekend exchanging messages with other people (scattered around the country) trying to find her because she switched off her phone and was reported missing to the police by her mum. She was found by a kind woman walking her dog early the next morning. I was so wiped out I basically passed out at 4am and didn't wake until 6 hours later and I still felt guilty for not staying awake.

But she's been posting more statuses about "people who I care about hate me" and I know she means this absolute loser of a guy who was mentally abusive and basically was the reason she was driven to what she did last time. I have never wished ill on anyone before, not even my worse enemy, but it's getting increasingly difficult not to wish this guy would just drop dead. There's some other stuff I can't really elaborate on that he did before he met my friend (basically, the police were involved) and if I were my friend I wouldn't have touched the guy with a bargepole once I knew but I also understand the desire to forgive and not punish people for past mistakes. From my point of view: not this guy. All my goodwill toward him is fucking gone.

I just don't know what to do. I speak to my friend and tell her she's wanted but sometimes it feels like even if she wants to, she won't listen to me, her mum, my sister, another couple of her close friends or anyone because we're not this one dickhead who messed with her mind.

That's terrible, it makes it more difficult because it's next to impossible to convince someone that a relationship is detrimental to them if they don't want to see it. Like if he drove her to this sort of extreme before, it's what he is doing in the now that proves him to be a complete dick.
I'm sorry you're friend is going through such a hard time. I hope things get easier for her, and you or someone can get through to her that people do care. Just keep trying, be there for her, I'm not sure there's much else to do.

Re: Vent Thread

(Anonymous) - 2019-11-30 11:02 (UTC) - Expand

My sympathies, OP. I think the best you can do is encourage your friend to seek therapy, because you're right - you can't talk her down off this ledge, it's above your pay grade. I imagine there's probably some serious limits to how much sympathy you're willing to extend to her for continuing to wallow in misery over some asshole, and I'm 100% with you on that.

Re: Vent Thread

(Anonymous) - 2019-11-30 11:05 (UTC) - Expand

Nothing big has gone wrong for me lately *crosses fingers,* but lots of smaller things happened in the last couple days:

It’s finally been raining, which is awesome, but there’s mud everywhere, including my floor, I have a leaky skylight and I’m scared to get on the roof and see what’s going on and also of how much it might cost to fix, I snapped my kitchen sink faucet handle off while making Thanksgiving side dishes yesterday, the tarp blew off the tiny coop and run I keep my disabled hen who can’t walk in, so her bedding got soggy, the main coop is leaking again, one of my hens is limping and I’m afraid it might be bumblefoot, and I must’ve put my good boots away damp last spring because one pair has splits in the leather near the big toes, so they leak, and the other grew mold. And to top it all off, I just dropped a pyrex dish on the tile floor and the motherfucker exploded like a bomb.

And I have to work tomorrow. I don’t work retail, but we’re located in a mall next to an Ikea and a Costco, so I expect things will be crazy busy.

Weeeeeeeeeell....i was gonna vent about a fic/author but now, reading all the other vents, it seems a bit petty.

I hope all you guys have brighter, better, happier days ahead!
*group hug*

Yeah, it seems to be sucking for a lot of people this year. :( Hope it gets better for everyone.

I'm just frustrated about yesterday because Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays and this year was so miserable. I had panic attacks off and on most of the day that turned out to be pre-migraine symptoms, then had a migraine that hit just as I started eating. So I wasn't able to actually enjoy Thanksgiving at all.

Also, I'm starting to feel antsy. It has been 8 days since my surgery at this point. I hate being this dependent on people, and I'm really starting to miss being able to be on my feet. And I've got 2 more weeks to go.

<3 <3 <3 hope you feel better!

Re: Vent Thread

philstar22 - 2019-11-30 03:02 (UTC) - Expand

I am so fucking broke! FUUCKKK!

I only did one thing today and still overdid it somehow and my CFS is making me feel like I got hit in the face by a truck.

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