fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #4718 ]

[ SECRET POST #4718 ]

⌈ Secret Post #4718 ⌋

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05. [SPOILERS for season 3 of Stranger Things]

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06. [SPOILERS for Frozen 2]

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07. [WARNING for discussion of slavery, non-con drug use]

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So my mom used to be fairly conservative, my dad was really liberal. As they've gotten older they've started to basically switch roles...my mom now considers herself "very liberal" and my dad has started to call himself conservative.

I had a conversation with him tonight that was super upsetting, and it's not just a "oh, we disagree about policies" kind of thing. We spent close to an hour going back and forth about healthcare and his final position is that alcoholics and drug addicts don't deserve healthcare and that certain medical procedures shouldn't be available to older people because "they're just going to die soon anyway" and it would raise the price of his insurance. I mean, he even prefaced that with "you're not gonna like this" and "this probably makes me a nazi" so I feel like on some level even he realizes how horrible it sounded. There were different variations of how some people basically just aren't worthy of life and don't "deserve" it and a "well, if I were old and dying I wouldn't bother trying to live longer". Okay, but you don't get to make that choice for other people. Besides, what about their families? What about YOUR family? How do you think it makes me feel that you would rather die than do what you could to try to have more time with us?

It's just so upsetting because I don't know who the hell this guy is. The stuff he was saying was just so cruel and completely lacking in empathy. This is not who he is, and this happened seemingly overnight. We're both pretty into politics so we talk about this kind of stuff all the time, and literally just a couple days ago he wasn't saying this stuff.

It's just so...WTF. I know someone who took her husband to the doctor because his personality completely changed and she knew something wasn't right with him, and he ended up having a brain tumor and dying not long after. When I remembered that situation I called my mom really upset and reminded her of it (she also knew the people in that situation) and said maybe we need to get him checked out because even though he's contrary by nature and likes to debate and will usually take the opposite position as you on any topic, it's never been THIS extreme before and it really worries me.

I don't know why I'm posting this but...thanks for listening to whoever reads this.

I'm really sorry, nonny. I think a medical check up wouldn't hurt but...going from liberal to conservative with age is pretty common. It could that your dad wasn't as liberal as you thought, or he's been brainwashed by FOX News or whatever.

ayrt

He doesn't watch Fox (at least he criticizes it a lot) but he did make a comment about the "liberal media" and it really didn't seem like a joke to me. And I've definitely heard the whole thing about getting more conservative as you age but have never put much stock in it (I've known several people who've gotten more liberal as they've gotten older). The thing that it worries me is that it was SO sudden. Literally a couple days ago when we were talking about it, he was saying the opposite of what he was saying tonight. And he made a few comments about how it's not really a big deal to let people die because being alive isn't all that great which did make me wonder if he's depressed but it's not like that happens overnight.

I don't know, the whole situation is just baffling, and it makes me sad because this is someone that I don't recognize and I really don't want my dad to be this person.

You have my sympathies. I hope things work out, in whichever way they can, but I guess it wouldn't be completely surprising if some kind of physical brain damage would be the culprit; dementia causes personality changes, and brain tumors allegedly causes dogs to be agressive.

For what it's worth, brain tumors can be removed.

ayrt

It's just weird because it seemed to happen so suddenly. I don't feel like any medical reason would happen that quick, but I can't think of any other explanation, either. It's just so weird.

Yeah, it's just that the guy I know who had one died, so that's what I had in my mind and was upsetting me. :(

da

Behavioral changes resulting from medical issues can absolutely happen that quickly. They don't always, and they're sometimes masked by other symptoms, but sudden onset behavioral symptoms are absolutely possible. If you think there might be something wrong with him, it's definitely worthwhile to get him in to see a doctor.

Try not to fixate too hard on tumors as a possible cause. There are a lot of medical issues that can cause behavioral changes, either directly because of neurological impact, or indirectly.

I forget where I read this theory but it made sense to me - someone tried to explain why people seemed to get more conservative with age and it had to do with ageing itself. The older you get, the faster the world seems to move on without you. You're no longer the driving force of pop culture and news, so it's easy for older people to feel out of the loop, which makes them feel insecure and angry. So many people start seeing it in more black and white terms... new = bad because they can't understand it, the good old days were so much better, because they were young and in charge and understood how everything worked.

Channels like FOX prey upon those fears. OMG, white people are going to be outnumbered by brown people soon! OMG everything is so much worse because the young people are fucking it up and they're too stupid to listen to their smarter, wiser elders!

I mean... you say that's not who he is. There's a chance there's a health problem at the root of this but it sounds like your dad does have some awareness of how he sounds ("this probably makes me a nazi") but he doesn't really believe it. Maybe that IS who he is, which is just awful, but sometimes we don't know our parents as well as we think we do.

ayrt

I don't know how to explain it to someone who doesn't know him, but it really isn't. He hates Fox, he hates racism, he hates Trump, he talks about how horrible all the anti-immigrant and white supremacy in the country right now is...he was just talking about how he thinks Elizabeth Warren would be a great president but he thinks Trump's voters are too sexist to vote for her. He's just...not that person. Or at least he wasn't a couple days ago.

Forgive me if this is a weird and/or too personal question to ask, but: has he had any friends or colleagues die lately? Maybe he's starting to feel the impending creep of his own mortality, and this is his way of deflecting how he actually feels about it?

ayrt

No, but you make a good point. I wonder if there's something like that that I'm not thinking of that's causing this. His best friend died of cancer years ago (I can't remember when exactly it happened, I wonder if the anniversary is coming up maybe) and my uncle (his brother)'s health is not great. He doesn't take the greatest care of himself, and I know my dad blames him at least somewhat for his health issues. This happened so suddenly and seemingly out of nowhere that now I'm wondering if maybe he talked to my uncle and maybe had a difficult conversation that triggered all this. He's never been someone who's great at talking about his feelings, so all of that coming out in some weird way like this would make sense to a certain extent.

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[ SECRET POST #4718 ]

I just need to talk about this (more sad than ranting/angry)

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Re: I just need to talk about this (more sad than ranting/angry)

Re: I just need to talk about this (more sad than ranting/angry)

Re: I just need to talk about this (more sad than ranting/angry)