[ SECRET POST #4937 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4937 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


01.



__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________


03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.























Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #707.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

I want to die

[(Anonymous)]

It's still here.

I hate everything. I want to die. My parents are dead. Some friends are dead. Some are badly hurt. Liberals don't actually care about anything they say they care about. They read their books and jerk themselves off on twitter but abandon people in real life. There's no escaping from the man, because even the people who say they're against the man are actually with the man, or at least trying to become the man.

I am filled with grief, anger, and hate, and sometimes I can't keep it in, and I think really awful, terrible things that make me think that I'm no different. Given a slightly altered set of circumstances I would be one of them, I would be complicit. The fact that I'm not is almost an accident, and isn't that a bitch and a half? How dare I even be mad, how dare I even hate, when this is all just human bullshit? None of them can help it, can they? And yet I can't stand their smug shit, their grandstanding, sitting there white and straight and middle class, hiding behind a computer, throwing out fist emojis but never. Ever. Ever bothering to step foot out into the streets, or walk door to door. She deserved better than them.

Anyway, like I said, I feel like I should just die. What is even the point? It's all just pain and nothing ever changes, nothing ever will change, because the powerful know how to keep us all from getting one over on them. And even if they didn't, everyone else wants to be powerful, too, so an overthrow only presages the start of a new cycle. More of the same. Pain and torture over and over and over again.

Re: I want to die

[(Anonymous)]

You're right. There might not be a point. If there is a huge systemic overhaul, we might not even live to see it.

And yes, performative allyship and grandstanding is on full display. Yes, a lot of people--particularly a lot of white, straight, middle class people--will get bored of performing and move on. But those people were never going to stick around anyway, and even if they were, they weren't going to do anything for the movement but make it about themselves. Again, you're right. I don't know who "she" is, but sounds like she did deserve better.

What is being asked of you is exhausting. You are being asked to show up every day and fight for something that seems absolutely impossible against odds that seem insurmountable. And this is going to sound very cliche, but just because they seem that way doesn't mean they are.

It sounds like you don't feel free to grieve, free to mourn, or free to express what you're feeling. I don't know your life situation or what you've been through, I can only say what helped me.

What helped me are steps. When I feel like absolute shit, I give myself permission to take any step, big or small, to feel less like absolute shit. I work my way up to feeling like crap.

Maybe that means just going to sleep. For a long time, it meant chainsmoking. My point is, it doesn't have to be healthy. Just something you can do to hang in there.

Again, I don't know you, but I can tell just from this that we need you around. You're an eloquent writer, and probably a genuine, passionate person.

We need your voice. We need you here. I need you here. Stay with us.