[ SECRET POST #4981 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #4981 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 20 secrets from Secret Submission Post #713.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

02. https://i.imgur.com/6zl84Ye.png

[(Anonymous)]

it was always like this, unfortunately. count how many BNF orbiters there were in the 90s. it's the same in the 20s, they're just twitch followers now. how many "fandom friends" do you talk to years later? is it more than two? is it more than one? fandom hasn't changed in that respect.

maybe you didn't notice it when you were a kid?

that said, friendships are totally possible to make and have last. my point is just that it's not a problem of "modern" fandom. there's never been some faraway time where it was simple and easy.

[(Anonymous)]

I agree, and I wanted to add that - in addition - what OP says is generally true of internet-mediated friendships across the board, so that's another sense in which it's not a fandom thing

There are Internet people I consider genuine friends, but there are a lot more Internet people I consider people I really like a lot and would try to actively be friends with if we knew each other IRL but the nature of internet-only social interaction (and my own social habits and anxieties) make that difficult to say online

[(Anonymous)]

I semi-disagree? In my days on LJ, there were a dozen or so people who I was fandom friends with. We would talk to each other about all sorts of things, not just fandom stuff. If one of us was musing on something, several others would comment on their post, regardless of what the thing was. And if they were having a hard time and made a personal post, almost everyone in the circle would reply in some kind of support.

Yeah, most of us drifted away over time, but for years we were consistent in our engagement with each other as people.

On tumblr, the engagement is far more limited and far more purely fannish. There's no sense of "You're a friend to me, so I'm going to respond to what you're expressing because that's what friends do with each other."

[(Anonymous)]

DA, but it's because the commenting feature on LJ let you have conversations. Tumblr's designed more for Pronouncement!Reaction! interactions, and since every reaction blasts that part of the post back into public view, nothing personal ever really develops. You might have better luck on a different platform?

[(Anonymous)]

Tumblr's not built for group conversations, but it does have a good basic chat feature for one-on-one interaction. In the old days of LJ, I spent most of my time on AIM with select friends.

[(Anonymous)]

And how many people on LJ were "far more limited and far more purely fannish" for you? Like, lots of people never found that friend group on LJ either. I was one of the ones that did, but I'd say friends made up about 5% of my interactions and random fan chatter was 95% of it.

It's the same for me on Tumblr and Discord.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah. Like, in my current fandom, I've got a group of friends who are actually friends in the "we talk about stuff outside of fandom (including RL), have voice chats and play online games together, roleplay together, have our own private Discord, etc." sense, but they're a tiny sliver of the interactions I have in the fandom as a whole. Most of it is just chattering with like-minded people on Twitter or Tumblr or AO3, nothing deeper than that. I see some fanart/fic I like, I comment on it, have a brief conversation with the creator, and that's that.

[(Anonymous)]

Fandom has always been like this for me? I've always had friends here and there, some long term, but mostly I just want to be fannish with people and, as callous as it may sound, I don't really want it go beyond that.

[(Anonymous)]

Same, and I've been in fandom of some sort since the 90s. Sure, I have some friends that I met in fandom 20 years ago and am still friends with to this day (I even went to one fandom friend's wedding), but for the most part, the fandom friendships I've had were based on, you know, fandom, and we eventually drifted apart amicably because we just didn't have that much in common anymore.

[(Anonymous)]

I think it's the formatting of the popular sites now that prevent a real connection from happening in fandom. Like I've always found RL friends different from fandom friends, though there are the rare cases where an online friend can become a RL one, but not often. Forums made it easy to connect to and stay in touch with people I found, but now everything seems a lot more touch and go.

[babydraco]

The collapse of any major central gathering space that is easily navigable and offers a lot of options for self expression hasn't helped.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Absolutely, I've lost so much interest in interacting with fandom because if this.

[(Anonymous)]

Oof. Feeling this pretty hard. I had been these last 10 years but it definitely has been worse recently. I don't interact more than I do, because my fandoms are split between fans who are way too young (that I'm feeling like the old creepy guy in the club, even though that's NOT the intention) or a bajillion people being so damn chatty I can't get in a word edgewise.

I guess there are a few fandom friends from years past that pop in once in a while, but we'd spent so long not interacting on a regular basis, that I feel like just as much of an intruder. (But I know that's my problem to work out and not theirs... and if they really don't want to talk to me, they can say so.)

[(Anonymous)]

I love when I see old fandom friends in the wild, like running into them on Twitter.

And then I sub to them on AO3 and all they post is some new anime fandom and I'm like WOMP WOMP.

[(Anonymous)]

I find this confusing, because if anything fandom seems a lot more accessible to me nowadays.

[(Anonymous)]

but, is there anything wrong with these so-called crumbs?

if I'm not going to see these people irl ever and I have sated my need for emotional reciprocity in all my other relationships, what's wrong with just having fandom acquaintences? what's wrong with just liking and commenting? is the emotional investment of a friendship that...necessary?

I mean I know I'm antisocial in general but I can't fathom needing to go to fandom to find emotional investment. if anything, 20 years of fandom has taught me not to ever rely on those flaky bastards.

[(Anonymous)]

Obviously, to OP there is. We all have different wants when it comes to social interaction.

[(Anonymous)]

naturally. I ask these semi-rhetorical questions to let anyone who needs to re-evaluate themselves ponder what relationships mean to them and what they're getting - or not getting. who knows? even if it's not helpful it's worth asking oneself just to be sure.

[(Anonymous)]

Do you really find great worth in being condescending and dismissive towards someone who has expressed their unhappiness at being lonely? How strange.

[(Anonymous)]

damn, I'm feeling this. I'm pretty shy even online and though I have some mutuals I've made, we don't really talk that much and my attempts to befriend people have kind of fallen by the wayside lately. And since I've taken a break from most social media atm I really do wonder if anyone has noticed I'm gone or cares, lol. Yeah yeah what a sob story, I know, but seriously, it sometimes feels like you've gotta be interacting with people 24/7 in order to make a connection and that's just not how I roll!
Most luck I had with making pals was during tumblr's heyday. I had plenty of mutuals and we would all make dumb text posts and reply to each other. Now it's pretty quiet on there and I really can't be bothered putting a lot of effort in to tumblr posting to make new friends :/
I definitely also feel like I'm trying too hard when I try to befriend someone by commenting on their stuff too, which is why I usually try not to reply to everything someone posts exactly because of that coming across as a parasocial orbiter thing, lol. Ah well!

[ninefox]

I feel like "chatting on discord" is moving into actual friendship, myself.

+1

[(Anonymous)]

Honestly this.