fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5022 ]

[ SECRET POST #5022 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5022 ⌋

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An admittedly vague question with a million possible answers but it's something that's been on my mind a lot.

I think that trying to be optimistic can lead to disappointment and burnout, while being pessimistic is painful and not really realistic. I think that a more pragmatic approach is to accept the difficulties in your life while trusting that it is possible to change what is, realistically, possible to change.

I generally feel that I'm an optimistic person, because I get immediately down when something bad happens, and rebound. I was really offended when a friend said I was "incredibly pessimistic," and it made me realize that she didn't understand me at all.

I’m a pessimist, but that doesn’t mean I’m a misanthrope or a nihilist. Being pessimistic is the lens everything gets filtered through, but it doesn’t determine what I see. It doesn’t make beautiful things look ugly, or meaningful things look meaningless. If anything, I think being a pessimist makes me value good things all the more acutely, because they tend to feel hard-won and fragile.

I don’t think being a pessimist is a good thing--at least not at the level I’m at with it. I feel like being a realist is the ideal balance. But I don’t really want to be an optimist, either. I feel like both optimists and pessimists struggle with issues brought about by their biased way of viewing things. The idea of being happy because I mislead myself is more off-putting to me than being unhappy and aware that part of my unhappiness is something I bring upon myself. Striving for that healthy balance, though--to me that’s where it’s at.

Very bleak optimist

I would generally describe myself as a pessimist, but I still try to have a little hope? I certainly find that a lot of self-described pessimists are complete arseholes, because they appear to think that sitting back and scoffing at everyone else's efforts is 'rational' or some such; but there are also arsehole optimists, who refuse to acknowledge actual existing problems, especially when they're not problems for that person in particular (see also men who say women should be braver so they can walk the streets at night, or white people who say that POC should develop more positive relations with police).
As with every possible human attitude, both have their pluses and minuses, and should be considered in context.

I always expect the worst so that when it doesn't happen I'm happy about it. It's a great way of life until something even worse than the worst thing you could possibly imagine happens and you're left to despair about it!

I'm not a pessimist, i'm a cold clear cut realist. It comes across as cynical as fuck to my friends and family. Unfortunately, i'm almost always right, even though most of the time I wish I wasn't.

I decided years ago to be an optimist because I had noticed that I tended to react with pessimism to most news and I just ... didn't like being so negative.
I've been an optimist since then. Someone above mentioned it might cause burn-out but I don't feel that. To me, optimism isn't about pasting on a smile when I'm dying inside, it a conscious decision to look for the bright side and focus on that. (Then again, I've always been very good at convincing or even lying to myself.) My optimism helps me be happy, motivated and motivating. It pairs well with my pragmatism and my tendency to take on a role of authority.

I tend to find pessimism in other people draining. It's a good thing to bring up worst-case scenarios and voice worries but imo it ought to be in reasonable doses and in a constructive way. "This might happen – so what can we do about it?" If someone keeps harping on how it will all go wrong just to bemoan their fate, I'm going to try to avoid them.

So I guess I think that you should spread your optimism freely but keep your pessimism under tight control? Huh.

Interesting question, thanks for asking! Where is it coming from? What are your feelings?

" To me, optimism isn't about pasting on a smile when I'm dying inside, it a conscious decision to look for the bright side and focus on that."

The obligation to be always optimistic or face social rejection pisses me off no end. But I actually dislike how pessimistic I am. Every time I've tried to change i've ended up with that dying inside feeling. Your comment made me realise maybe i've been going about it in the wrong way. Time to try a new approach.

:D Cool! If you want some tips from my personal experience:

• Optimism is mostly a matter of practice and fake it till you make it.
• Some things can't be talked up. If you drop your tomato soup so now you don't have a meal but a kitchen to clean – don't try to spin it. It sucks, plain and simple. The trick there is not to get hung up on it. It ruined your meal and an hour of your time, but it doesn't need to ruin your day.
• Performative happiness is telling the story about "We went to x but there was no y so we had to z!" laughing even though you were miserable at the time, but if it makes for a funny story later, you might as well enjoy it as it unfolds – and that's the self-care kind of optimism. If something goes wrong, it's not a perfect plan that has been ruined, it's the start of an adventure. Improvise, be open to alternatives and be excited about what might happen!

I hope you succeed and wish you all the best!!

OP of thread here~

Thank you (and everyone else) for the response(s). I really appreciate seeing other people's takes on the subject at hand.

As for my feelings, I personally am trying to become more optimistic, greatly valuing it and respecting others that can manage to have a good attitude about life. I suppose I'm looking for a balance - both optimism and pessimism have their places in this world. Not just for me but for my friends and family who need support in these trying times.

Better to expect and prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised than the other way around, IMO.

On a certain level, I think the optimism/pessimism debate reflects a certain degree of privilege and self-centeredness that one's personal feels about a situation matter in the face of local or global politics. Some of us, we do the shit that needs to be done, because if we don't step up, someone will fall out of the system and not get the help they need to survive. We don't have the bandwidth to obsesses about whether we're headed for Mad Max or Solarpunk.

I didn't know there was something like "the optimism/pessimism debate". Is that what we're talking about in this thread, o./p. on a grand political or societal scale? Because when I gave my answer, I was thinking of everyday life.

OP here, having returned after the initial creating of the thread.

There was no one particular avenue of thought expected as far as what optimism/pessimism might be applied to. Regardless of how they might be used, be it on a micro/individual level or macro/community, all of the answers have been perfectly valid and interesting to read. It's been a wonderful discussion and a pleasure to read everyone's responses.

Yeah, it's something that comes up on news-oriented communities where you get both "advocating for ___ is unrealistic now that the world is burning down" (pessimism) and "dial back the disaster porn, some of us are trying to do ___" (optimism). So you get people who want to tune out and drop out vs. people who cheerlead for activism throwing pies at each other.

Or if you can stomach a music video by cyriac, it's kinda like this:

https://youtu.be/dLxPIOxgkM0

Ah, I see! Thank you very much for explaining. I think I understand the point you?/anon? was trying to make.

And wow, that video. Everything about that was excruciating.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #5022 ]

What Are Your General Feelings Towards Optimism And Pessimism?

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Re: What Are Your General Feelings Towards Optimism And Pessimism?

Re: What Are Your General Feelings Towards Optimism And Pessimism?

Re: What Are Your General Feelings Towards Optimism And Pessimism?

Re: What Are Your General Feelings Towards Optimism And Pessimism?