fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5069 ]

[ SECRET POST #5069 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5069 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 43 secrets from Secret Submission Post #725.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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My partner never buys me presents on my birthday or at the holidays. I wish it didn't matter to me, but it does. I don't even care if they're fancy or just a tiny thing. Just something that required a bit of thought to show me he cared. It's actually breaking my heart and I wish it wasn't.

I'm so sorry, that sounds so frustrating. Any reason why?

What does your partner do on your birthday and for the holidays? Does he give presents to others on their birthdays? Just curious.

Has he said why? Did he grow up JW where it's not a thing and he's still following that?

I'm hoping if it means that much to you, you've spoken to him about this. If you have and he's still not, then you need to balance his reasons for not even doing token gifts to appease your feelings against how much you want/need that show of affection, or whether he shows his feelings enough in other ways to prevent you from leaving over this.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 01:18 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 04:42 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 01:24 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 01:47 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 03:28 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 03:32 (UTC) - Expand

Have you talked to your partner about this, and told them honestly how you feel? Like I personally am a very gift-giving person but I know some people are not, and that can be for a variety of reasons. But nobody can read minds so I suggest you talk to your partner about it. Now if you have discussed this and your partner just doesn't care, that's a whole other issue that would also need discussing.

That sucks. I think it shows that you feel unsure of his feelings and insecure in your relationship. Maybe you should tell him honestly that you feel insecure about his feelings for you and if he's not an ass, he'll listen. But tbh I'm not great at relationships.

Does your partner know how strongly you feel about this, or do they not care? Because this sucks and I'm sorry. You're not asking for too much, that's Relationships 101 level stuff.

Has this always been a thing with him since the start or is it one of those things that have fallen along the wayside in the course of a long relationship?

This whole pandemic feels like the final blow to my already bad mental health, and I genuinely don't know if I'll ever properly recover from this.

I'm sorry. I hope you can find joy in little things to carry you through. This can't last forever.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

(Anonymous) - 2020-11-21 23:44 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-21 23:44 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-21 23:57 (UTC) - Expand

Things will look up on 20th Jan. Maybe only a little, but the world will be a better place. Keep on keeping on.

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 07:13 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 14:21 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 15:56 (UTC) - Expand

I have this weird dynamic with my gay best friend that is not sexual-sexual, but also not non-sexual. (I'm female).

I'm unsure on how to actually explain it, other than to say that he's somewhat of an exhibitionist, and some of our conversations seem deliberately sexually loaded.

Other than wearing a mask, being in a pandemic hasn't changed my day to day life too much, if I'm honest. I go to work, I go home. Most of the time now I do grocery pick up instead of going in, but that's about it. I feel bad for social people who are suffering from mundane existences, but not enough to think we should lift restrictions when cases are still so high.

I'm not even social, it's jut that most of the stuff I like doing is outside. I hate being cooped up.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

(Anonymous) - 2020-11-21 23:35 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

kallanda_lee - 2020-11-21 23:43 (UTC) - Expand

yeah, same.
my work is 'essential', so i dont get work from home, or any cuts in my hours. My workload even increased because colleagues who are parents need to stay home when childcare starts to get tricky.

I do miss seeing my best friend and her kids but video calls exist and the occasional "let's meet up for groceries" as well.
I do tend to do shopping once or twice a week now instead of going every other night.
Might be that i was a lonely kid and i learned early on how to occupy myself without others. my own company is the best company to have. I have lots of indoorsy hobbies (crafting, reading, my cats) and pokemon go can be played alone outside as well.

I have absolutely zero desire to settle down with anybody and it really breaks my mother's heart because she doesn't seem to understand that not everyone's greatest joy is to be a wife and mother. She seems to think it's some failing on her part and I really wish I could convince her that it's not, we're just wired differently.

I'm sorry that your mom doesn't understand. :/ I'm lucky that my parents have always been in the "as long as you're truly happy" camp when it came to my disinterest in sex/people.

I hope she comes around and can at least understand that it's nothing she did. My parents have like... a gold standard marriage and I wouldn't say no to that, but I'm definitely ace and as of yet haven't met anyone who I like enough to marry, let alone someone who's sexually compatible as well.

I feel the same way. I am interested in sex, but I've realized that's the only part of relationships that I'm actually interested in, at least for right now. Haven't told my parents that, of course, but I have told them I don't think I want to be married. They don't believe it and keep telling me I just haven't met the right guy yet. Gets really tiresome.

Sorry you are dealing with this nonny. I hope your mother comes to accept you for who you are and realizes that it is okay to not be in a relationship and not a failing on her part or your part. You are just fine and awesome on your own.

That's really unfortunate...and so old-fashioned. I hope you don't spend too much time trying to convince her. If she can't see with her own eyes that you're fine without getting married, no amount of reassurances on your part is likely to work.

I'm technically bisexual, but sex with women is so, so, SO much better than sex with men that I exclusively date women these days. I feel weird about it because I still kind of want to "claim" my bisexuality even though I disparage sex with men; I also kind of identify as a lesbian at this point but I also don't? It's really weirding me out and making all of my friendships/relationships harder, because I just don't have any idea what to call myself anymore, and I'm getting defensive about it. Like, I get mad if someone thinks I'm a lesbian (which is fair, because I only date women!), but then I also get mad if someone insists that I've always said I was bi (which is also fair, because I have always said that, but I also don't like dating men anymore!). I just don't know!!

I've heard the suggestion to just call myself "qu**r" but I hate that word, so that makes me mad too. Ugh.

There's "bisexual lesbian," which is used for a few different reasons, but one of the popular ones is the reason you have: attracted to men and women but only dates women. But it's controversial, so if you use it, prepare to be hated by a lot of people in the LGBT+ community.

Re: Non-Fandom Secrets!

(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 01:13 (UTC) - Expand

It's taken me so long to really understand my feelings. Took me so long to really understand my sadness and insecurity and loneliness (and trying my best to manage my way through those feelings when I'm having hard days), now I'm processing my anger and it's different. Having never been good at dealing with aggression and conflict resolution, ho boy will it be tough on my next step with my journey through therapy. It's terrifying.

Re: SA: Misfire

(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 01:05 (UTC) - Expand

I send Christmas cards to all my relatives every year, but this year I'm considering not sending one to a certain aunt who's been posting rants about taxes and petty, childish anti-liberal memes on Facebook ever since Biden won the election. Not sending her a card would be a completely symbolic gesture that would not go unnoticed and might cause family problems that I don't want to inflict on my sane relatives, but I so want to do it. I don't know if that makes me petty or not.

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 01:34 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 06:32 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2020-11-22 01:40 (UTC) - Expand

My job isn't essential, but I'm glad I kept it when so many people have lost theirs.

But if I'd been able to stay home without worrying about money, I might have quit. I've taken so many more risks since I was called back to work and had to start interacting with other people more than twice a month at the grocery store.

I get rides home with people who've gone to weddings and have friends over, because all employees share a bathroom at work and spend 9 hours a day in the same room so it feels like I'm doomed no matter what. Maybe it's slightly less risky than taking the bus and trolley to work (which I also do) full of people proudly refusing to wear masks.

This week an employee from a location where someone else tested positive for COVID was sent to work with us without first a) quarantining and/or b) being tested for COVID. She missed the memo that someone at her work was infected, and when she showed up to work and found no one else there, and called in asking what happened, rather than send her home, they gave her the option to ~~infect more people~~ finish her 8 hour shift at our location.

Idk. I'm so sick of being terrified and so mad that I'm not allowed to transfer to the location where I could walk to work and at least not be in sealed cans on wheels full of maskless assholes, but I have a job with health insurance and paid sick leave so I feel like a selfish jerk for complaining.

Also I have a headache and stomachache and feel weird and shitty so now I'm freaking out a bit. Yay.

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