fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5166 ]

[ SECRET POST #5166 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5166 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Spirited Away]

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02.

[Jerma985]

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03. [WARNING for mention of rape]

[Faction Paradox]

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04. [WARNING for mention of sexual harassment/possibly underage]

[David Boreanz and Alyson Hannigan]

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05. [WARNING for mention of sexual abuse/grooming]

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06. [WARNING for mention of sexual harassment]

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07. [WARNING for mention of sexual harassment/abuse, cannibalism fetish]

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08. [WARNING for mention of sexual harassment/domestic violence]

[Trent Reznor, Marilyn Manson]

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09. [WARNING for mention of domestic violence/abuse]

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10. [WARNING for mention of sexual violence/noncon]

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11. [WARNING for mention of rape]

[Eiyu Senki]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #739.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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10. [WARNING for mention of sexual violence/noncon]
https://i.imgur.com/LgxHSed.png

don't worry anon, you're not alone on this. I do it too, especially to favorite characters I relate to. How you said, it feels cathartic!

I'm pretty sure this is common. I do it. How much I like a character, whether someone else's or mine, directly correlates with how much I imagine them suffering.

And I've heard a lot about depressed people being drawn to dark media, and finding it helpful. For many reasons.
You are getting something you need out of this, and people who read it may also get something they need.

There is nothing to be ashamed of about writing this.

Aw don't feel bad op - you found a creative outlet that doesn't hurt anyone and helped you in the process. And creating something can be a different experience for everyone - some people feel better writing about happy stuff and others feel better writing about sad/messed-up stuff.

Thee and me, nonny. I have most of it on my computer only (and I have shared this with only a few close friends), but whenever things get to me, I find myself doing the most awful, hateful non-conny things with some of my favorite characters. I feel awful about it. And since some of it HAS been posted...welllll ---

It doesn't make it any better that I work such things into a plotty plot of plottiness. Though I always tell myself that it makes it...a little less awful? *Ack*

But it is so cathartic. And not just for me, I've found. Those are some of my most popular fics (if a darkficcer like me can even HAVE popular fics).

But my worst ones? I keep to myself and my closest circle that enjoys it. It is horrifying, but yes, it makes me FEEL better. And it is always my fav character as well.

TLDR; you are not alone Anon. Not at all.

*HUGS*

Edited 2021-02-27 00:44 (UTC)

I've written fics involving favorite characters being tortured. They are based on canon events, but I've definitely gone all out in terms of describing things plus focusing on the mental aspects and even writing one from the villain's point of view. And I read this stuff all the time. I also make up stories in my head of me as a character going through torture/rape/etc. and then surviving and healing.

You don't need to feel guilty, OP. It can be cathartic to read and write this kind of stuff, especially when you're in a bad place or feeling depressed. For me it helps me deal with trauma from my past to imagine characters I love going through worse stuff, especially in situations where they willingly endure it to help others and/or where they survive and eventually heal.

Read what you like, OP. Fiction is fiction, and there is absolutely nothing you need to feel guilt over.

Edited 2021-02-27 00:44 (UTC)

This 100%

I totally understand about the catharsis. Sometimes you just gotta dive into a storm to feel better.

That said... please remember to eat, drink water, and get some sunshine on occasion. (Yes. I'm being an internet nag. Sorry.) Just to break up the darkness a little bit. Okay?

Honestly one of the signs I'm in my super-depressed state is when all I want to write is the most horrible, fucked-up shit being inflicted on my fave character of the moment or an OC I pick to foist horrible things on. For me though writing it out and either deleting it after or putting it in my 'go home, do not collect 200 dollars' folder makes me feel better and genuinely helps my mood/mindset. It's not a magical fix because I'll still need therapy/medication to get me out, but expunging the bad from my brain is a step along the way.

You're definitely not the only one, OP. When I'm feeling down, I write a whump fic involving my favorite character and feel better afterwards. I'm not sure why it makes me feel better, but I've been writing stuff like that for years.

I mean... as someone who's basically used writing fanfiction as a form of therapy, I don't think there's anything strange about this. And I've done plenty of awful shit to faves over the years. Hell, I've seen people do just as graphic or worse to characters when they weren't anxious or depressed.

That's how you process. And that's okay. Because you're not attacking a real person. You're not harming a real person. You're not emotionally abusing a real person. You're just working through your sadness. So long as you tag your work appropriately, you're not even sharing the work with someone who might be hurt by it. You're ok, my dude.

Process however works best for you. That's how you treat yourself kindly, and that's how you'll have the energy to treat others kindly. It's all good.

Very well said! I'm one of those people who tends to over-empathize with fictional characters or even inanimate objects, so I need this reminder every so often.

Gotta be honest and say I find this creepy and that you should get treatment for enjoying fucked up sh* but maybe I empathize too much, even with characters.

It's a super common way of people dealing with their own trauma or mental health. I used it a lot in processing my own abuse trauma.

Writing bad stuff happening to characters lets you:
- control the narrative, it's literally a safe space to process because you are completely in control
- disassociate from the situation, because it's'happening' to the character
- borrow the strength of that character to deal with that situation, our faves are usually characters we admire and empathise with strongly

It's cathartic, and it was possibly the most effective tool I used and still use during my recovery.

Completely agree with all of this! The only treatment Secret!Anon needs is for their depression and anxiety. Not for the coping mechanisms they use, which are relatively common amongst fic writers.

Yeah, obviously I meant this, not because the characters are going to get hurt.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-27 14:01 (UTC) - Expand

OP should not get treatment just for writing darkfic, but if they want to get treatment for the underlying mental health then that is fine. I've been getting therapy for years and part of my coping mechanisms is to write out my horrible self-hating thoughts through fic that hurts characters, it's not an uncommon thing and it can be very helpful for some people. Shame on you for saying this person is creepy for merely creating fiction that they are not forcing you (or anyone else for that matter) to read.

I'm just saying I find this creepy as a coping mechanism, nothing personal. To me sounds like it only serves to fill up your thoughts with negativity and wouldn't work, I'd never use it as a coping mechanism and I've been through some shit.

Some people write darkfic to put all that negativity in one place, because it feels like you're freeing yourself of it, albeit temporarily. Like listening to sad or dark songs when your depression is spiking, because you need to dwell in it a little bit. When you're feeling really depressed and anxious, forcing yourself to listen to happy music or write fluff won't work if your heart isn't in it yet.

There's nothing creepy about what Secret!OP is doing, and doubling down on casually judging and shaming them won't accomplish anything.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-27 15:47 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-27 17:34 (UTC) - Expand

You certainly sound like someone who gives more concern to a fictional character than actual IRL humans.

I have very little sympathy for anti's ever since I read about people reporting fanfic writers writing 'fucked up content' about underage characters - which isn't illegal because they are fictional characters and authorities looking into those cases waste time on clarifying that nothing is wrong - instead of looking into cases of child trafficking and child abuse where earlier interventions could literally save lives.

But of course fictional characters matter more.

Nah but I AM the kind of person who doesn't create or read a lot of fucked up content because I'm very traumatized and sad/bad things even mild can trigger me. This has nothing to do with child abuse though, only harmful imagery. Of course we should prioritize real issues...? (don't like fanfic involving children either but I literally work with child abuse and have to look into them anyway so lol.)

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-27 14:22 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-27 16:21 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-27 17:36 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2021-02-27 22:32 (UTC) - Expand

Also not everybody can get 'help' or afford it, so check your privileges buddy.

I do this too anon. I would say it's normal for a lot of us, and not anything to be ashamed of at all.

Aw, anon, there's nothing wrong with that! I try really hard to treat people kindly and help work towards justice, and I write darkfic all the time. It's not anything that hurts people and it doesn't say anything about how you treat real humans.

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