fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5166 ]

[ SECRET POST #5166 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5166 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Spirited Away]

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02.

[Jerma985]

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03. [WARNING for mention of rape]

[Faction Paradox]

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04. [WARNING for mention of sexual harassment/possibly underage]

[David Boreanz and Alyson Hannigan]

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05. [WARNING for mention of sexual abuse/grooming]

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06. [WARNING for mention of sexual harassment]

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07. [WARNING for mention of sexual harassment/abuse, cannibalism fetish]

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08. [WARNING for mention of sexual harassment/domestic violence]

[Trent Reznor, Marilyn Manson]

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09. [WARNING for mention of domestic violence/abuse]

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10. [WARNING for mention of sexual violence/noncon]

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11. [WARNING for mention of rape]

[Eiyu Senki]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #739.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Because I have one

So I came across someone (on reddit of fucking course) claiming that people only hated kiwifarms because it was "politically incorrect" and because it has dirt on them.

I feel like im irrationally bugged by this . I made a comment pointing out that people are bullied just for being autistic , mentally ill or LGBTQ as well. I feel like I'm about to get pulled into a conversation with a homophobic, transphobic and ableist shithead.

I really should know better.

Don't engage, friend, just walk away. <3

I genuinely sat here puzzled and wondering what people have against kiwi fruit and agriculture until I realized it must be a username. Guess I need a nap...

It's a website. It's best to steer clear of it, because it's basically some of the worst parts of the #chan forums. It's also known for the huge amount of doxing the users do to people on the regular.

Long distance relationships are a bummer and I cried about it a lot today

No kidding. There are some perks (at least there were for me), but definitely hard to maintain over time.

I hope things get better!

Thank you, 'non. I don't know if you'll see this, but that means a lot.

TRIGGER WARNING DOMESTIC ABUSE

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I have a younger friend, we met at work, she's 24 and I am 53, we are both women. She's a very sweet girl who got kicked out of her house by her step father at 14. She likes her weed, her alcohol, and men. Unfortunately, the men she likes tend to be absolute fucking scum, they're small time drug dealers and gangsters, most of them are at least a decade older than she is or more, they have multiple children with multiple women, they've been to jail. They often abuse her. Obviously I hate this, but there isn't much I can do about it.

Anyway. Her current crush. I cannot wrap my mind around it. He is 38. He has five children with five women. He currently lives with one of the women and his kid. The first time he was alone with my friend, he put his hands around her throat and choked her to near unconsciousness. Out of the blue and with no provocation. He chokes her. She said things were getting dark and she had to wave her hands to get him to stop. She is five feet tall and weighs 98 pounds.

Okay. So my feelings on this are, I would like to break that bastard's hands with a ballpeen hammer to the point where he'd need a double amputation to save his worthless life. He wouldn't be able to choke his own gooddamn chicken. But I digress.

She wants to see him again. And I've talked to her, and I've showed her the statistics that say how much more likely you are to be killed by a partner who chokes you. I've told her that he was testing her boundaries and seeing what he could get away with, that he was a violent, dangerous man and she should stay the fuck away from him.. And at the end of the day, it's still her choice. And she's gonna see that POS again. Sigh.

Yesterday she texted me and sent me a screen shot of his texts. They were lovey dovey bullshit and I literally wanted to wretch. Its textbook. But she won't listen to me, so I decided that I was done with her telling me about this part of her life. I simply cannot add worrying about this to my already full fucking plate. I can't do it, my mental health is my main concern. So I told her the following:

"I believe our friendship is in a good place and we can be honest with each other. I can't tell you who to see. That being said, this is a violent, dangerous man who is capable of killing you. If you want to continue seeing someone like that, it's your life. But I do not want to hear about it, because I have enough to deal with without worrying about you, too. I love you dearly. I do not want to see you get hurt or worse. But I cannot hear about this man."

So she agreed, and we're cool, but still. FUCK.

That's so awful, and I feel for both of you. I have a few friends who seem addicted to making terrible, likely to become dangerous life decisions, but there's nothing you can do except tell them you think they're making a mistake and worry all the time because further intervention would also be overstepping the amount of control anyone should have over another person. I hope your friend realizes her mistake sooner rather than later.

You did the right thing. I'm sorry to hear this about your friend, because she's making some really, really poor choices. I think all you can do is encourage her to find a good therapist and address what's at the root of these really, really poor choices.

I think the way you responded to her is the best possible thing you could've done. At a certain point, allowing someone to come to you for emotional support when they continue to make the same horrible decisions over and over, becomes a strange kind of enabling. It's tough telling a friend, "I can't give you emotional support for this thing that might destroy you," but if they're just using you as an emotional bandage to patch themselves up enough to go back for more, then it's only helping to perpetuating the cycle. :(

Honestly, I don't think she cares enough about her life to stray away from it just because she knows he could kill her and on some level she may even want it.

Maybe being honest could be the best approach for reaching out: honesty about not wanting to hear anything about her "crush" anymore because it's clearly not even a crush, love isn't about choking eachother, it hurts you to see it unveiling and feel unable to do anything, and you can't reason it or relate to her feelings on this matter. I'd be rude but yeah she needs to be brought back to reality.

"Honestly, I don't think she cares enough about her life to stray away from it just because she knows he could kill her and on some level she may even want it."

Can we fucking stop with this when it's well-documented how love-bombing and such works???

DA - When the abuse has reached the level of being choked to near unconsciousness, then no, AYRT is right. This person is placing more value on being "loved" by their abuser than they are on their own life.

She may truly believe he loves her, but she also knows he might kill her.

Having been there: yeah, because you've been largely isolated and gaslighted until you don't fucking know which way is up. It's not about not valuing your life, you judgmental piece of shit who hasn't ever suffered this level of abuse, or valuing being loved more. It's that when you have it repeated to you enough that this is what you deserve, that you're a horrible person, that you're not going to do better, that these incidents are all your fault and why can't you just do better so I won't hurt you...

Like, you're approaching this from the wrong angle.

I'm so sorry nonny. I know you're not looking for advice, but please tell your friend how much she means to you and what it is about her that makes her special.

My utility bill and electricity usage was 2x what it was last month and 4x what it was last February, and I haven't bought any new appliances or anything. In fact, my gas oven just died, so I've been cooking on the stovetop or the microwave when I bother to cook at all. I don't have a heater unless you count my wood stove.

I hate phone calls and dealing with billing stuff, but I'm gonna have to ask for a day to day or better hour by hour usage breakdown to try and figure out wtf is going on.

I'm just venting at myself for being an idiot and somehow losing my new Ipod. It fell out of my neck pouch at some point two days ago. I think it happened when I tripped in the movie theater. I did look around there to see if I dropped anything, but I didn't see anything. I was in a rush, though, because my mom had texted me an emergency thing, and the end credits were still rolling, so it was dark. I've called all the places I was at, no one has found it or turned it in. I even went back to the theater, but it wasn't there. I can't afford another one any time soon. My old one is now not working at all except when I plug it into my car because the touch screen isn't working.

WTF, self? How are you still doing things like this at 35 years old?

Wish I had a spacious kitchen to practice cooking more often. Sigh. Such a little apartment.

I have days where I feel like I'm failing hard at work, but the feeling usually passes the next day. This week has felt like entire stretch of fail. And worse, I know it's my fault. I keep slacking off, or second-guessing myself to the point of inaction. I wonder if something I didn't mention or put off until next week is going to fuck up the next week's processes. But I can't bring myself to give enough of a fuck to do anything about it.

Changes are happening and I know it. Intellectually I've accepted it but maybe my body is still rebelling in some way. More work is going to be dumped on us due to people leaving but I'm the asshole who can't be bothered to volunteer while everyone else, who already has way too much on their plate, is grabbing at tasks left and right. And I just know they've noticed my lack of volunteering. And I feel like they already know how useless I am, and that I'm just waiting for them to realize how much they don't need me around. It's not like I even enjoy the work anyway, but I can't seem to find anything I do enjoy. Or at least enough to tolerate in between breaks.

I'm not asking for sympathy. I know I don't deserve the job, and that I should do something else, but I can't take anything else and this pays the bills, and I'm a sucker for security since I never had any.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #5166 ]

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