fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5169 ]

[ SECRET POST #5169 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5169 ⌋

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Late vent incoming, feel free to add yours

IF I GET COVID BEFORE I'M VACCINATED I AM GOING TO COUGH AND SNEEZE ON EVERY MASKLESS PERSON I SEE ON PUBLIC TRANSIT I STG WTF IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE

PUT YOUR FUCKING MASK ON WHEN YOU BOARD DON'T TAKE IT OFF YOU PESTILENT PLAGUE RAT I HOPE YOU DROWN IN PINK BLOODY FROTH BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I HAVE TO RISK TO KEEP MY JOB BECAUSE THEY WON'T FUCKING LET ME TRANSFER SOMEWHERE I COULD WALK TO

OMFG THE DRIVER WAS WEARING HIS MASK UNDER HIS NOSE DIE YOU FUCKER

I'm not in any obvious danger feom covid but oh boy I feel that.
Even if my chances for a bad case are low, I DONT WANNA RISK LONG COVID FFS or infecting anyone else

I already had half a year of low grade permanent fatigue after having had mononucleosis. No thanks, dont wanna try what covid could do to me.

In the same vein goes my annoyance with MEDICAL PERSONAL REFUSING TO GET VACCINATED either at all or to be nit picking about the vaccine. NO astrazeneca isn't worse, TAKE WHAT YOU CAN.

I just freaking cannot deal with this pain anymore. Today was such a bad day. I got 2 hours of work done, with breaks. I wanted to do 4 or 5, but I just couldn't.

My ENT referral came through, but today was Texas Independence day, so doctors offices were closed. I also ran out of painkillers over the weekend and couldn't get a refill because of closed doctors offices.

Today I hate a bowl of soup for lunch and mashed potatoes and watermelon for dinner. That's what I could manage. Chewing just wasn't happening today. My muscles are spasming and throbbing. I broke down sobbing at one point this afternoon.

I've had pain more severe than this, but I haven't had neverending pain for this long before. And jaw pain (any mouth pain really) is just different. I can't do this much longer, I really, really can't.

God yeah, jaw pain is a special kind of hell. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

Spent all of February deflecting responsibility of any kind. My depression is just consuming me, feeling so useless now that I'm jobless and going broke fast. Finally got things going today but it fucking sucked. I hate having responsibilities.

Mine's really dumb, but I need five more cents to get free shipping and I can't find anything to bump up my cart. It's driving me nuts.

One (1) banana usually works for me!

I was feeling pretty good about staying connected with old gaming friends during Covid. Then I realized I was the only one out of them who doesn't live within close proximity of one or more, or doesn't have gaming friends in real life.

I know it's a stupid thing to whine about, but I always just feel like the orphan loser whenever I'm in a group of people. Everyone always has someone else, their own tribe, or their own family... I'm basically estranged from a family that's full of cowards and abusers, and never really connected with others IRL the way I did with my gaming friends. But they were competent at socializing and weren't total losers so they all ended up befriending others or coupling up with others, so when all of this goes back to normal, I can easily be dropped and I'll have no friends again. Don't get me wrong... at the beginning of lockdown, I'd already made peace with our "reunion" being temporary at best. But seeing everything up close is a reminder of how easily they got wrapped up in their own lives and forgot about me in the past, and just feels like a suckerpunch.

Yes, I know I could just stop being such a loser, stop feeling sorry for myself and teach myself how to make gaming friends IRL. But as a woman approaching middle age who moved to a new town just before Covid and tends to not trust humans in general, that's easier said than done.

I can only say I empathise wholeheartedly, nonnie. You're not the only one, if that helps.

Thanks, I appreciate it. Hope you're not in the same situation.

This is very late, good thing it's ok to be late.

As I type this in a dimly-lit notebook (it fell from a shelf with a loose screw to the floor once and for some reason now I can't see shit wherever there's a minimum amt of sunlight) I'm just kind of heartbroken at life and tbh don't like to complain but ugh

Tired and overworked, I see work colleagues complaining a lot more for doing a lot less but can't complain because it's still the best job I ever had and probably one of the best I could possibly have (considering my qualifications, etc.) doing extra hours at home to compensate for being able to work from home in some days yet only going there thrice or twice a week didn't keep my grandma from passing away in this pandemic. Now I'm basically alone with my aunt who misses her a lot considering my dad has a gf and she isn't very nice to me. I am regretful for giving up on a lot for my family as now I'm still relatively young and they're mostly gone ... I act dissensitized because I don't like people and having them pity or try to comfort me is worse than acting strong. But I'm not a psychopath and yes I do feel sad when things go wrong. Which is almost always. People don't seem to get it. Yes, I'm tired. No, it's not fun to work and study and try to open a business all at the same time because I gotta do it to have a chance. Yes I'd much rather be trying to learn some art and buy cute fandom-related stuff to decorate my bedroom lol (my sanctuary considering my house is shared). But I don't have money or time for that.

People from my fandoms create cute stuff and it makes me feel bittersweet. I love it all but didn't have this kind of time or energy when I was younger because I was already working hard and sure don't have it now. This year I purchased an expensive calendar/planner thing for one of my fandoms and kept daydreaming about organizing my stuff and prettifying my bedroom but it's already March and I did nothing. I don't have time and when I do, I don't feel good/rested enough to create anything I enjoy. I have big dark circles from not sleeping enough, I have classes in one hour and after that I'll sleep, and the house isn't being cleaned as I type this, and none of my hundred pages long "things to do" list is being fulfilled, at least bills are paid. I have many things to do that aren't an option. I try to keep myself entertained so I can do things almost mechanically and not think a lot about the unfair share.

But fuck it. Sometimes it IS depressing.

And then another day ends, again I didn't have time or motivation or energy and so it goes on. But yeah. Career-wise I'm not the best, socially... pfft, can't complain because I've never been rich and never had it much better than this, so... hooray.

I'm so sorry for yourloss. Try and look after yourself, yes? Even if it's only tiny things. {hugs if wanted}

Sorry I couldn't reply before. Thank you, anon :)

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[ SECRET POST #5169 ]

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