fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5187 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5187 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Gnosia]

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[I Care a Lot (on Netflix)]

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[X-Files]

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[Lolita Fashion Youtuber Tyler Willis]

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09. [SPOILERS for The Story of Yanxi Palace]

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10. [WARNING for discussion of pedophilia/child molestation]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #742.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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Tell us!

Not much bc covid is still out and about. But at least spring is here so I can pay attention to returning migratory birds.

Finally got KK slider on my Animal Crossing island. So now I can use construction and make pathways.

Mostly taking care of brother-in-law. Took a short nap at one point. Nothing much exciting honestly. Pretty bored.

Whole lotta pain, frustration over health stuff and the fandom stuff I would normally be using to try to take my mind off it.

At least I managed to be out long enough to pick up my grocery order today, and since I haven't been able to go far from bed, unclogged my kitchen sink so it won't drain so slowly. Need to remove the broken food disposal under there and replace it with either a working one or just a drain.

So exciting, I know.

Went back to work today, but it was mainly a cleaning day because no one has been on site since last March and there was a shit ton of dust (thank god we emptied the fridge before shutting down). On the upside, we didn’t need to change any of the pictures on the birthday board because the ones from last March were still up.

I remembered today that I took the banana out of my locker at work before lockdown last year, but left a pot of nuts, and a copy of Tess of the durbervilles in there. Heaven knows what I'm going to find when I get back there.

I downloaded a Chinese keyboard to help me learn, and it's tragic how excited I am about using it in my lesson tomorrow.

I was stalled on my story. Then I had a breakthrough. Aaand now I have complete and utter writer's block. FML.

it's the middle of the night in my time zone and I was just woken up by the smoke from whatever shit my dad forgot on the stove before going to bed
(read: I'm tired and pissed off)

TW: Sexual assault, racism
Also, just a ramble of words coming out

The shootings in Atlanta have reminded me of my assault and man, it's been a rough few days. I feel grateful to have friends checking in on me but at the same time I hate having to be reminded of my assault. It has always been difficult to think about, much less talk about, but I realized that I was basically shown that a guy could do anything to me and nothing would happen about it really early on in my life. My assailant and I were kids but he was white and I'm Asian. I went to a school that was predominantly white and my family and our Asian community were new immigrants as a result of a post-Vietnam War world. I was born in the US but my parents met and married in the US in the early 1980s. I was "lucky" in that I didn't have to face "too much" racism in my youth, but I have plenty of stories about my racist neighbors and classmates and teachers and random strangers. TBH My attacker was probably just a fucked up kid who wanted to bully anyone he could and I was the target of the day, but growing up seeing Asian women fetishized in Western media has me grossed out and I generally hate knowing that I can't rely on any man of any race to not treat me like shit. Fuck the patriarchy, dude. Fuck racism. And especially fuck all you fucking assholes who always have to fucking make things worse for survivors. Fuck everybody who failed me. You mean well now and I do love a lot of you, but man, fuck you all so much. LOL Fuck you all so much.

I ain't Asian but I am (socially) a survivor in other ways and I felt your last sentence so much. It's what I have been feeling. Why am I not a hermit yet? I can't afford it. I hate everyone, though. I smirk when people say "Go out, make friends, forget all that!" when opening up about 1/10th. I hate everyone for doing nothing about this state of things. I internalize so much oppression I am never alone with myself. I just wish I was dead very often - just, go out and put myself at serious risk - and no I ain't getting over it just because it makes you uncomfortable to know some people have it so much worse than you. Fuck you! @ those people. Thank you and I am sorry for venting but I just wanted to say IA so much. Sometimes it all rly gets to us

[ SECRET POST #5187 ]

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