[ SECRET POST #5208 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5208 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


01.



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02.


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03.
[Shoot 'Em Up (resized)]


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04.
[Banana Fish]


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05. [SPOILERS for Kids Baking Championship]



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06. [SPOILERS for Big Little Lies S2]
[WARNING for discussion of rape]



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07. [WARNING for discussion of suicide]

[ID: Invaded]


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08. [WARNING for discussion of rape]



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09. [WARNING for discussion of noncon (probably?)]
https://i.imgur.com/qhjWFCS.png
[image linked for above warning]























Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #745.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Probably Unpopular Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, since we're going there I'm not all that enthused by consent as the primary framework talking about sex. Doing survival sex, appeasement sex, or sex just to get the person out of your space can really fuck one up as well. And since 90% of sexual abuse never goes through the criminal justice system anyway, it's more than reasonable to talk about mental health implications beyond "what can I get away with legally."

Like, I don't particularly care about trying to drag the people who got sexually abusive with me into court. I'd lose far more than they would in that particular pissing match. I do feel entitled to talk about those experiences with my therapist other supportive people.

Re: Probably Unpopular Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Except that by any reasonable definition, most of that would fall under implicit or explicit coercion, so...

Re: Probably Unpopular Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Well duh yes? What was anon talking about anyway...

Re: Probably Unpopular Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT: Of course, but as demonstrated above, people will play semantic and gatekeepy "but was it really rape" games about that as well. It took me years to recognize that my sexual trauma for putting out in order to appease a partner who was acting in abusive and manipulative ways was something I could discuss with therapists. Since early integration is a big factor in preventing traumatic events from becoming mental illness, that turned out to be a big problem. And people still argue at me over definitions.

Abusive people are very good at manipulating value systems in order to get people to give them what they want. So we need space for people to say "I consented but it still hurt me."

f!s has been having a long-running argument about about age-gap relationships involving teens in which the "technicalities" of whether teens can consent get foregrounded and the traumatic experiences of people affected by abuse, grooming, and manipulation are backgrounded.

And like, how the fuck am I supposed to clearly remember what forms of consent I communicated in the middle of a fight/flight/freeze/fawn episode? (That last bit is important, given growing evidence that appeasement is one of the variety of threat responses.)

To spell it out plainly, my abusive partners are legally innocent according to the letter of the law. They are unprosecutable according to the practices of a legal system that only handles the most extreme and clear cases of relationship abuse. I can still consider those partners ethically responsible for their sexual conduct and relationship behavior. And I can seek medical intervention for post-traumatic stress symptoms that remain years after the fact.

Moving forward with partners, I want more than consent, I want a shared ethical duty of care. Interestingly enough, it's close to how kink communities talk about ideally planning sex. (Although one of my abusive persons was a part of kink communities, so people fall short of the ideal there.)

Re: Probably Unpopular Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

SA: If a sexual experience provokes intrusive negative memories and feelings of depression, rage, disgust, disassociation, anxiety, etc., etc., then it's highly likely that some boundary was crossed and talking to a counselor to sort things out might be helpful.

Re: Probably Unpopular Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

I'm the other anon who replied. Yeah I got you now, and agree.

Re: Probably Unpopular Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you.

Re: Probably Unpopular Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, this is a good point. I mean, I'm all for increased awareness about consent, but it's also not the be-all-and-end-all, either.

Re: Probably Unpopular Opinions

[(Anonymous)]

?