[ SECRET POST #5322 ]

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⌈ Secret Post #5322 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 28 secrets from Secret Submission Post #762.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT--thanks. It's definitely a brain thing or several, but not ME/CFS because I don't get wiped out by physical activity. Mental activity, however...

I check a lot of boxes for autism and ADD and I definitely have anxiety. Knowing my brain's fucked up doesn't make dealing with everything less frustrating, though.

But it sounds like you know how frustrating it gets, and I'm sorry you have to deal with that. (hugs)

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

Ayrt

Aww anon. I do know exactly how frustrating it gets. I actually have ADD and am on the spectrum too as well as being sick all the damn time. All of my friends are neat freaks and my house is never clean and never tidy. I'm rubbish at taking care of myself physically too. It's all part and parcel of both Autism and ADD from what I've read.

Getting sick has actually helped because it's made me realise that I have been doing everything in crash and burn phases throughout my life. The only way I ever accomplish anything is to do things a very tiny bit at a time.

I don't know if it's because I've been forced to accept this new slower lifestyle, or because I have actually accepted I have limitations for the first time, but suddenly I'm managing to do a little bit. Whenever I've tried this before it hasn't worked because I very quickly get overwhelmed, or get overconfident and add on more and more little bits to my day until I get overwhelmed.

I also have started alloting times to do things. So half an hour to sort out X, and then I stop. This means I don't get dragged in to the obsessive behaviour i can get into where I have to try and do everything at once. The hard bit is obeying my alarm and actually stopping. Knowing I have that escape and won't get sucked in though really helps me face up to doing it.

There is one other thing I have found helpful. When I started getting sick, I started to hate the state I was living in - the dirt, the dust, clogged with crap I didn't need. I started reading about minimalism as a concept, and then I read Marie Kondo's book. It opened my eyes a bit to the emotional toll all of the belongings I have is taking. Since then I have been glacially crawling my way towards ridding myself of the crap and it helps. It does help. I still struggle with this because 'sparking joy' is a difficult concept for me because I have depression. But I am slowly making in roads and also, weirdly, beginning to get to know myself in the process. I bought a piece of artwork for my wall recently and I love it and get pleasure just from looking at it. It's going to sound crazy, but that was a revolutionary thing for me. Never before have I known my own wants before to be able to do that.

Sorry this is such a long and unstructured comment. I just really feel for you, as someone in a very similar situation. I don't know if there is anything of use to you in my ramblings anon, but I dearly hope that you feel better soon and things improve for you.

Re: Vent thread

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT--Don't complain about your long unstructured comment, look what you're replying to!

I have a list of things I do every week--laundry, dishes, groceries, cleaning the cat box, going around my house and yard (as 2 separate tasks) bagging trash, and then again through the house for recycling.

Honestly having a full time job made me worse at keeping stuff clean and better at not hoarding, because I don't have much time to either clean or buy stuff to hoard, so it's more a matter of convincing myself to throw old worn out things out than stopping myself buying new things. But when I worked three days a week I used one day off to tackle inside the house, one to work in the yard, one to become one with the couch and read/watch tv/do nothing, and one to go hiking/run errands. Compressing all that into two days is hard, and I never feel rested enough.

I stopped buying most physical books years ago, as much as I love them, to avoid being buried alive in an earthquake or something. There's only one thrift store within walking distance and I only go when I need something instead of every week.

The pandemic made my food hoarding worse but I didn't fill the house with toilet paper, and one of my every week tasks is to toss anything past its prime.

It must be genetic somehow; my dad had to help his younger brother build custom shelves into his walls because the weight of his record collection started to cave the floor in, and my poor aunt is super patient with him accumulating stuff and setting boundaries. He figured out online selling and is happy to see some of his records go to good homes.

His older brother had the house entirely full of books--mostly cookbooks--when he died.

I've tried setting a timer to do things and I get a lot done for awhile but eventually, even using 15 minutes on, 30 minutes off, my brain bluescreens, and I don't have energy left for the stuff that's habitual like dishes and laundry.

I, er, actually loathe minimalism on top of the brain chemistry stuff. My mom was a neat freak and threw out stuff as punishment and whenever she decided I didn't need something anymore, and dad was both super messy and unorganized and committed to the idea that everything had to earn its keep and owning too much or anything for aesthetic reasons was evil.

When my life is going well and I have free time, I have the mental bandwidth to bag up and toss worn out stuff. Things that break past usefulness are easy to part with, too. The only stuff I own I don't use up or until it disintegrates is hobby supplies and books, hence piles of fabric and craft supplies and costumes.

And my cat came in! Phew. She's absolutely covered in scabs and itching like crazy, wherever she's been she picked up five zillion fleas. She can't have another flea med dose until the end of the month. Made an appointment for her to get allergy shots this Friday. Called the dentist, got an appointment for this afternoon. Not looking forward to it, but my last appointment was six years ago so... if I have the energy (and money, sigh) after the dentist I'll go get the plumbing stuff.

Speaking of long rambling comments, heh.