fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5336 ]

[ SECRET POST #5336 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5336 ⌋

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Is rudeness your “natural” state that you have to suppress, or does being pleasant come easily to you?

I was thinking today about how I feel annoyed sometimes because nobody realizes just how much effort it takes me to act like a sociable human being instead of giving in to the urge to yell at people who don’t deserve it and things like that. And I got to thinking, don’t they realize how hard it is from doing it themselves? Or are most people actually not like this, and being nice and polite is their natural state? I can’t ask the whole world, and this is the biggest group of people I can reach, so I want to see how many people find it a struggle to keep up a front of decency and how many don’t feel like it’s a front at all.

Cynical tl;dr: I’m an asshole who spends my whole life pretending not to be an asshole. Are you?

It depends on the day? Sometimes it's hard to not be rude but sometimes it's easy for me to be magnanimous.

I guess that isn't really helpful for your poll.

Being nice comes easily, but I'm a cranky asshole inside. So on the outside I'm friendly and helpful, even while I'm hating you on the inside.

But that's only towards people that have pissed me off or wronged me in some way. Being polite and friendly towards people who haven't done anything comes naturally to me, yes.

Yeah, this sounds like me too. I think you kind of have to be able to pull off the "friendly on the outside even when you're a complete and utter idiot and I want to tell you so" thing in order to survive working retail/customer service/IT support... but in order to stay sane, you gotta have an outlet like later complaining to your coworkers about the idiocy. XD

But generally I am friendly and good-natured towards people until they give me a reason not to be. Like today there were these two adorable little girls walking along my little side street while I was heading out to the park, and if it wasn't sketchy for a complete stranger, I had the urge to call out the car window that they look beautiful, and they should never listen to anyone who ever tells them otherwise.

Yes, this. I'm the same way.

I'm very well socialized and I worked ten retail Christmases, so I'm pretty good at not saying the asshole things in my head.

I actually have to work my way up to even positive, constructive criticism because my natural state is to compliment and make someone feel good. I always want to make people happy, feel better, have a good day.

The exception to that is when I see racism, sexism, other prejudice. Not afraid to call that out. But otherwise, my instinct is comfort, compliments, and praise.

I spend a lot of time trying not to give in to stuff like this, yeah. Though I'd argue that the people I want to yell at DO deserve it. But then if I'm an asshole, that's exactly what I'd believe, right?

It's easier in some situations and with some people than others, and of course, a lot depends on my mood. I try to be tolerant and patient of people when possible. But if I'm tired, already irritated, if the person is being extra EXTRA dense or just rather obliviously inconsiderate, then... it's tough.

Honestly, no. I feel pretty kind and polite almost all the time (unless someone obviously pisses me off on purpose or...I feel snippy on the first day of my cycle).

Are you unhappy about life?

I treat people the way I want to be treated, so I do my best to be polite and understanding and I don't have a hard time with it unless the other person's being an asshole. Even then, I try to be nice when dealing with them, but in my head I'm talking all kinds of shit about them.

I guess it depends on how I am feeling that day. Sometimes I'm alright, but on really bad days I'm definitely putting in a lot of effort to not scream at people or saying what I really think.

I dunno, a lot of my politeness is just autopilot, but also if you're not an asshole or the kind of nice where it's a bandaid over racist or archconservative dipshittery, I try to be nice and not just neutral.

If someone's an ass I get to where even neutrality is a struggle, but generally I won't tell them so unless they're being cruel to someone who's not me.

But I know I come across as rude sometimes without meaning to; I'm not diagnosed but I think it's an autistic thing or something.

I check a lot of boxes but I've never tried for a diagnosis. Partly out of fear of being diagnosed with "you're not neurodivergent, you're just so annoying and mean that people hate you automatically" disease.

When someone says I'm being rude or mean when I had no intention of doing it, tbh it's always, always a nasty surprise because I hate making people mad, especially for no reason.

I have an easy time being kind, I'm lazy and do have asshole thoughts, but when it comes to actually do things being friendly is what comes naturally. The problem is that when I need to not being nice I have a harder time, and being nice is not always helpful.

tbh hard to tell. I generally operate on a weird level of apathy where I return what I'm given, whether friendly or unfriendly, but only in the moment because once the moment's over, I no longer care and I probably won't remember the interaction even happening.

(And yes, I am currently doing the medication shuffle with my doctor because we're aware that's not normal or healthy.)

That's not normal? I feel this way all the time but it feels normal to me. Most interactions aren't earth shatteringly important so some level of apathy sounds in order to me.

I've wondered about this often. To be totally frank, I sometimes find it exhausting to muster interest in people's personal lives or problems. Specifically, I hate hearing about people's problems because I don't know what I'm supposed to do about them. But I feel genuine pleasure when I can help other people. It feels really good to make someone else feel good. So I don't know.

When I was a teenager I had a lot of problems just tolerating other people and *not* being an asshole to then, but as my social skills improved and my personality mellowed, being nice to other people comes easy to me nowadays. However, when I'm having a bad day or feel in a low mood I dislike everyone and everything, and I complain a lot while driving.

Naw, I'm super nice but if things require I will drop the politeness and put my foot down. Too many bad experiences of being always nice and sucking it up have made me a bit jaded, tho.

Rudeness is not my default state. Growing up with reactive assholes may have left me with a stronger "Is this an appropriate response to this situation" self check than is normal. However, I do see a flaw in your poll. There's a pretty big stretch of grey area between "default state is rude asshole" and "kind and nice to everyone we see." Most people fall into this grey area.

For the most part I find it really easy and natural to be kind and friendly to people. I tend to default to feeling somewhat positively towards people until I'm given a reason not to. I want to help people, and make people feel at ease, if I can, though I also don't feel all that much pressure to be selfless, which I think serves me well because I don't end up defaulting to resentment of others very often.

That said, I can be a bit prickly and reactive when I feel someone has spoken down to me or treated me unfairly. In those situations I can sometimes get petty and stubborn, and hold a real grudge. But I don't encounter those situations super often. I often go weeks without getting my hackles up about something.

I'm exactly the same way!

Honestly, acting the way people define as 'pleasant' tends to leave me feeling tired and... greasy, for lack of a better term, to the point that I actively try to avoid people. If I have to pull a customer service act to -socialize-? It's not worth it.

I like people in general, but even so I 100% feel this. On any given day I am mostly rage and anger inside. I also have no social skills. Being polite and nice and 'normal' takes up so much energy.

Being pleasant is my default state, I think. But it's mostly because I hate conflict. I do like people in a general sense though, but I can be quick to dislike certain people. I would just never show it because half the time it isn't their fault they rubbed me the wrong way.

That said, being pleasant to people might be default, but I don't think I'm a pleasant person. I can be quick to want to complain about situations I find irritating, and I can be pretty selfish sometimes.

All this to say, don't feel bad about having to work at being sociable. Even people who are nice to others can still be assholes.

Being pleasant comes easily to me. I work in retail so if I got bothered easily, I'd be pretty miserable most of the time haha.

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[ SECRET POST #5336 ]

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