[ SECRET POST #5392 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5392 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 34 secrets from Secret Submission Post #772.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

how to make friends as an adult?

[(Anonymous)]

God, how does one do it? I'm at a loss here, mates.

Re: how to make friends as an adult?

[(Anonymous)]

I’ve made exactly one new friend as an adult and I’m still a little unclear on how it happened. We were both new hires and around the same age. We got stuck with a lot of extra work, more than we were responsible for, and started venting to each other. Then we started talking about TV shows and stuff and found out we had a lot in common. We started hanging out after work together and somehow ended up becoming friends. We have different jobs now, but still text and hang out with each other.

Re: how to make friends as an adult?

[(Anonymous)]

I'm pretty much in the same boat, and I actually have asked some variation of this question here before.

The one thing that's stuck with me is to find a common interest/reason for people to gather together. If you meet together enough times, you might establish something. Playing D&D/participating in a gaming group, joining some kind of club, and so on.

I'm still trying to do this, but I'm still paranoid AF about getting one of those Covid breakthrough cases so progress has been slow. Or really, nonexistent.

Re: how to make friends as an adult?

[(Anonymous)]

To make friends you need to interact with people for maybe a dozen hours. This is really hard to do once you're out of school. You've got to join a club, cooking class, sports team, writers workshop, larp, political coordination committee, whatever that allows/forces you to interact with other humans without a paycheck on the line.

Good luck and good hunting stranger.

Re: how to make friends as an adult?

[(Anonymous)]

I know the answer we're all looking for is a practical one, i.e. what things can we actively do and what places can we go to make friends? But I've come to think that the more incisive answer is something along the lines of, "Develop better self-esteem so that we present ourselves as being open to opportunities of friendship when they're right in front of us."

I feel like most adults who don't have many friends and don't know how to go about making more are people who have a strong underlying belief that people will find them too weird, annoying, pathetic, or otherwise just kind of a burden to spend time with. So we keep to ourselves and kind of subtly project a sense of being slightly closed off, socially. Whereas the people I know who make friends easily, it's because they have no problem inviting others to spend time with them. Their default is to see themselves as not a burden or an annoyance or a loser, but a person that someone else might actually want to be friends with.

Unfortunately, developing better self-esteem is a tough one. I definitely haven't figured it out yet. :/

Re: how to make friends as an adult?

[(Anonymous)]

I agree that this is a major component of the problem (although it's definitely, definitely not the whole problem).

Something I feel like I struggle with a lot is just figuring out what kind of friend-relationships I even want, and then communicating and figuring out how to do the kinds of socializing that I actually enjoy.