[ SECRET POST #5440 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5440 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 41 secrets from Secret Submission Post #779.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: What is your dysfunction?

[(Anonymous)]

Diagnosed DSPD *fistbumps OP*, diagnosed GAD, diagnosed depression, suspected but undiagnosed ADHD.

I’ve been on government disability for the past ten years. I suspect if I’d gotten the proper diagnoses (DSPD and ADHD) when I was young, I could have avoided being on disability.

I’m also aro/ace, and very lonely. I wish I weren’t aro/ace. Or I wish I was the kind of aro/ace person who was happy being aro/ace. I wish I wasn’t the kind of aro/ace person who desperately wants to feel all that stuff for someone and just can’t. I try to be self-accepting, but it’s really hard. I feel broken a lot. It was easier when I was younger, but I’m in my thirties now and I see my future from a distance. I’m very scared of being alone when I’m old.

I need to make more friends, but I have a lot of self-esteem issues that make it difficult for me to pursue friendships. I don’t think I’m actually all that hard to be friends with (I don’t think I’m more emotionally volatile or judgmental or demanding than your average person), but I just feel like people won’t want to hang out with me once they get to know me. I guess I feel like I have nothing to offer--except my looks, which is why I constantly end up in unhealthy friendships with guys who want to fuck/marry me.

To mitigate the epic downer that is the comment, I want to say that I have been doing better for the last six months or so--for the first time in my life. I got diagnosed with DSPD, went on Modafinil for it, and have radically improved my sleep cycle. I’m pretty sure the medication is also treating some of my (suspected) ADHD symptoms (Modafinil is sometimes prescribed off-label for ADHD). I’m way more functional now than I’ve ever been in my life...though “way better” for me is still “pretty bad” if I measure myself against most other people.

Oh, and I have a weird-ass disorder called R-CPD, which just means that I am physically incapable of burping, lol! I lucked out with this one, though: Most people who have it suffer constant physical discomfort, difficulty eating enough to sustain themselves, involuntary dry-heaving, etc. Etc. By comparison, as long as I make myself gag once or twice per day (to force the gas out of my stomach before it gets into my intestines), I feel pretty much fine. It's a bit embarrassing, but not really a big deal for me the way it is for a lot of others. So I'm thankful for that.

Re: What is your dysfunction?

[(Anonymous)]

Thirties is still young though, and making friends as an adult is hard.