fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5455 ]

[ SECRET POST #5455 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5455 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 32 secrets from Secret Submission Post #781.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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To be honest I don't really understand this kind of attitude. Her family and friends, people who knew her personally, are not ever going to see this. And even if they did, they must surely understand that she was a controversial personality who wasn't to everyone's taste. I agree that I hope that her friends and family are doing well. But I don't really understand the need for everyone around to adopt this solemn funerary tone, or who's really harmed if people laugh about it instead. After all, we all end up there sooner or later regardless.

You don't understand why adopting an unpleasant and confrontational tone in a shared fandom space is bad?

You not understanding the simple concept of basic decency is a personal problem. It’s fine if you don’t care, nobody is required to. But getting confused why someone would think it’s rude and distasteful to openly mock the recently deceased is the strange part.

I mean if you hated her before her death, or if you thought she was a clown before her death, I don't see why either of those opinions would be altered by the fact that she's passed on. If you wouldn't have adopted a hushed reverent tone before her death, I don't see why you should now. And I don't agree that the mere fact of death demands a hushed reverent solemn tone at all times and in all circumstances.

It’s not about changing your opinion of her. Nobody cares what every individual thinks about a person. It’s about it being a dick move to immediately celebrate. It’s about it being uncool to jump into the mourning or the moment of silence that others may be doing to say “but why should we care?”. It’s about basic human decency like everyone is telling you. You don’t have to change your opinion. And no one can stop anyone else from acting like an asshole about it. But it’s extremely normal to call them out as the asshole they are for it. You seem to think your way is thinking is more “detached and logical”, but it’s honestly not.

I'm sorry you lack basic human decency, but that's not my problem.

ok :)

lmao 'all of you not hating on a dead person are the weirdos' like, are you for real??

If you had no fondness or respect for a person when they were alive, then personally I think it's better, when they die, to say nothing. Or, if you're more personally involved, give your sincere condolences to anyone who is grieving the person, and just leave it at that.

I do often find it distasteful the way we societally tend to become revisionist in how we remember a person once they're dead, and how we will be generous and forgiving of people after their death when they can no longer benefit from it, even when we have (whether rightly or wrongly) denied them any such generosity or forgiveness in life.

But there is a big difference between saying nothing because you have nothing nice to say, and shit-talking the dead and/or celebrating their death.

Also, if the person's biggest "crime" was something comparatively minor, such as that they were shitty to fanfic writers and didn't take artistic criticism well, then I think, when they die, if we're going to spend any time thinking about them at all, it behooves us to take a moment to reflect on their humanity--the complexities and nuances of them which we probably didn't know. Because even the best people are mixed bags, and when we die we'll die as mixed bags ourselves. *shrug*

+100

I do often find it distasteful the way we societally tend to become revisionist in how we remember a person once they're dead, and how we will be generous and forgiving of people after their death when they can no longer benefit from it, even when we have (whether rightly or wrongly) denied them any such generosity or forgiveness in life.

I think we definitely agree on this part.

So other than that part, I think the other thing is I really don't agree with the demand for reverent, po-faced solemnity as the only appropriate tone for talking about the recently deceased. I don't think we should have to only talk about the dead in hushed whispers like we're at the graveside. And I think it's because, at the end of the day, death really is a part of life, it really is an inevitable part of human existence. I think it should be possible to be unserious about death. Whether that means humor, or whether it means shit-talking. And obviously that isn't appropriate in every circumstance, I'm not saying it would be appropriate at the graveside, but that goes the other way too.

I really don't agree with the demand for reverent, po-faced solemnity as the only appropriate tone for talking about the recently deceased.

Literally no-one in this thread is calling for that, though. Not shit-talking someone in the immediate wake of their death does not equal "Po-faced solemnity only!"

And sure, you can shit-talk the recently deceased. You just have to be aware that some people may think less of you for it. It may make you seem ungenerous and judgmental in nature, that when all that is left of a person is how they are remembered and spoken of, you make the personal choice to remember them and speak of them in a way that disregards all but their negative aspects.

There are people I would personally shit-talk when they died. People who I don't think deserve to be remembered, societally, as anything but contemptable and pathetic. I'll shit-talk those people (somewhere their families wont have to see it) when they die. There is no generosity or understanding in my heart for those people, and I'm not interested in finding any, and I don't care who judges me for it.

If Anne Rice is someone you don't care to find any generosity or understanding for, then that's that. It's your prerogative to shit-talk her. But it's others' prerogative to think it reflects a meanness and lack of generosity on your part, if that's how they see it.

^^^

This

Literally no-one in this thread is calling for that, though. Not shit-talking someone in the immediate wake of their death does not equal "Po-faced solemnity only!"

There is someone in this thread yelling at people for not changing the titles of their posts away from OP's title

That weirdo is the exception, that is true.

That person, insufferable though they are, is not calling for "po-faced solemnity only," so the point stands.

Also, the replies all smacked them down, so they are very clearly the exception.

NAYRT

But oh my god, you’re insufferable. It does not “go the other way”. Just because you don’t agree with or understand respecting the deceased the way others do doesn’t mean it’s a point.

Death is a part of life, but that’s irrelevant to how it’s treated. It’s the end of someone’s life, not sleeping for the night. Both are parts of life, but one is objectively more significant than the other.

Why do you feel the need to try to psychoanalyze the way other people react instead of just accepting that you don’t understand them? It’s coming off as bit callous(and more than a little silly) to keep going on like this. Especially because nobody is actually policing anyone on how they HAVE to act, they’re criticizing the way someone has already acted. That’s their right. People can act however they want, but if someone says they don’t agree with those actions, it’s not a demand to act a different way.

None of these concepts are remotely difficult to understand.

ok :)

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[ SECRET POST #5455 ]

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