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Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2022-03-08 06:05 pm
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[ SECRET POST #5541 ]


⌈ Secret Post #5541 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 29 secrets from Secret Submission Post #793.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
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(Anonymous) 2022-03-08 11:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Back pats from a fellow asexual.

In some ways I feel like fandom is perfect for me, because I'm all about my OTP having sexytiems (which I know not all ace people are). But in other ways I definitely do feel a bit different sometimes. Like literally any time the conversation is about sex outside the context of my OTP.

I'm happy for everyone else getting down with their bad selves, but it can be a little bit of a bummer sometimes to feel like there's a bunch of stuff you can't join in on.

(Anonymous) 2022-03-08 11:57 pm (UTC)(link)
I mean. You can join in, it just isn't a conversation you're interested in.

People talking about things they care about that you don't care about =/= people excluding you.

(Anonymous) 2022-03-09 12:32 am (UTC)(link)
At no point in my comment did I suggest in any way that I was being excluded. I literally went out of my way to make it clear I wasn't blaming anyone for anything and was, in fact, supportive of others having a good time. Like. I actively made a point of saying that. You know. Just in case.

(Anonymous) 2022-03-09 12:58 am (UTC)(link)
No one's suggesting they're being excluded but ok

(Anonymous) 2022-03-09 01:09 am (UTC)(link)
I'm not asexual at all, and have a raging sex drive, and I'd still rather not hear about what people want to do to actors/performers. I have actors/musicians I would personally LOVE to sex up and that I fantasize about, but man, TMI.

I don't like y/n fic either (the you+celebrity stuff). Or my friends telling me details of their sex lives. Like maybe your boyfriend's dick is TMI.

(Anonymous) 2022-03-09 01:22 am (UTC)(link)
Totally fair!

I think the feeling of "I can't join in/I'm not equipped to join in" and the feeling of "I don't want to join in" are somewhat different (and of course someone can totally feel both at the same time, as well)! But I definitely agree that not wanting to talk about one's own personal fantasies, or hear about other people's personal fantasies is definitely not an ace thing, just a preference thing. Plenty of ace people are fine with hearing about that stuff and plenty of allo people definitely don't want to share that stuff.

(Anonymous) 2022-03-09 02:59 am (UTC)(link)
Is this, like, actually a thing people do in some fandoms? Because I've never seen it in any of mine, just stuff of people shipping the characters with each other or the occasional you/character thing.

(Anonymous) 2022-03-09 01:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Honestly, same (for the most part). I just have no interest in hearing about other people's sex lives or what they want to do. I mean, if you're getting some, I'm happy for you! But unless I'm involved, I don't think it's any of my business.

It's weird though. Once in a while I will enjoy reading/writing about a pairing... but it has to be the right pairing written well for it to hit the spot.

(Anonymous) 2022-03-09 02:25 am (UTC)(link)
Hey, fellow ace subtype! I am all into otp having sex and I am into smut fics sometime. But sometimes thirsting is really alienating, especially of character/you variety.
Also ace part of fandom can be pretty alienating for me too. I like ace headcanons and canons, but I /dread/ the Talk in fics. I am so not interested in it. And I feel sometimes that I am not a real ace because I do like my otps having sexytimes

(Anonymous) 2022-03-09 02:52 am (UTC)(link)
And I feel sometimes that I am not a real ace because I do like my otps having sexytimes

Oh man. This is not even remotely a competition, but hold my beer, because I actually avoid ace!fic as much as I possibly can. Not because I have any qualms about how people write it or anything like that. I definitely want more ace representation in the media, fanfic included! It's just that shipping is basically my one outlet. So I very much want my OTP be to wildly horny for each other. The absolutely last thing I want is for one or both of them to be ace, because then the thing I use as an outlet becomes the opposite of an outlet, and that's...oof, no thank you.

But the fact that I not only don't love ace!fic, but that I actively avoid it, isn't really something I talk about in ace fandom, because--I mean-- it's just a lot to unpack. And also I don't want to confuse the issue, or rain on anyone's parade.

So yeah, I absolutely get feeling a little alienated from ace fandom, too. I'm supportive, absolutely, but it's not somewhere I can really make myself at home.

(Anonymous) 2022-03-09 06:16 am (UTC)(link)
Ayrt

Ha ha, this is me.
I've mellowed out, because my current fandoms have aces in canon and I like to engage with fics about this characters. A lot of them are fun.

But I've avoided ace head!canons like a plague for a long time exactly like you. I want my OTP to have sex and romance, I want them to be horny, I want them to make grand romantic gestures. I want them to have a lot of sex. Even though I don't want any of this things to myself.

(Anonymous) 2022-03-09 08:40 am (UTC)(link)
Thank you for commenting, anon, it's really nice to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. :)
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[personal profile] pantswarrior 2022-03-09 04:07 am (UTC)(link)
I like ace headcanons and canons, but I /dread/ the Talk in fics.

Aaand that is why, while I headcanon certain characters as ace/grey-ace, I feel very fortunate that I write almost entirely in medieval-fantasy type settings where they would not use any of the modern terminology and if it ever comes up, they just explain how they feel about things without ever actually using the word "asexual" or "orientation" or whatnot. I'm not here to write/read a sermon about asexuality, just what this particular character thinks and wants and feels.

And yeah, thing is, asexuality is NOT the norm, so while I headcanon some characters as ace, most of them I do not headcanon that way, and... like, I want my OTP to be happy (well, sometimes, between the canonical mess that is their life). That includes a (fairly kinky and sometimes disturbing) sex life. Just because I assume most characters enjoy sex doesn't mean I do.

I mean when you get down to it, there is going to be a disconnect between the writer/reader and characters. Most of the characters I like probably have or want to have good sex, I don't. Some of them drink, I don't. My OTP spends a lot of time fighting off a rising theocracy with dark magic and living in a ruined city full of the undead, I don't. :D So don't worry about what you like reading/writing about characters doing!

(Anonymous) 2022-03-09 06:02 am (UTC)(link)
>in medieval-fantasy type settings where they would not use any of the modern terminology and if it ever comes up, they just explain how they feel about things without ever actually using the word "asexual" or "orientation" or whatnot.


I love this types of fics. I like characters explain feelings or just not engaging in sex life. But a lot of (I guess younger) writers manage to turn fic into a label fest even in a fantasy setting.
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