fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5644 ]

[ SECRET POST #5644 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5644 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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A vaguely titled thread for your potentially vague opinions, memories, appreciations, laments, and general comments.

I haven't seen or spoken to my father in nearly 20 years and didn't even know today was Father's Day until someone casually brought it up to me.

I don't believe in an afterlife, but if I'm wrong and a hell of any description exists, I hope my maternal grandfather is turning on a spit there except every time someone who knew him dies they get to dump a few gallons of lighter fluid on him before going on to whatever paradise there is. The maternal grandma I never met because she died before I was born, the uncle who died at 47, my mom who never let herself be angry at him and drank herself to death at 66 in a race with her multiple cancers... I'd say they should get to punch him in the face, but they shouldn't have to touch him.

And if a less nasty afterlife where you meet everyone you knew in life exists, I hope my mom got to whack my dad with a baseball bat when she got there. Maybe not beat him to a pulp, they each beat themselves plenty before they died.

He wasn't an incestuous rapist monster like my mom's dad, but he was a crap husband and a shit father even before he went nuts, ended up an addict, and threw himself under a truck on the freeway.

I hope my dad's dad is with my dad's mom and he gets to go fishing whenever he wants, and maybe has a cat on the boat with him.

I lied to my brother about not being able to find decent Father's Day cards from one sibling to another. I found plenty, I just don't think he's a good enough Dad to warrant getting a card for it.

Is this a thing? Giving a father's day card to a sibling??

My best-friend-of-my-teen-year's dad died our freshman year of college. Her parents had separated long ago and he lived alone. She was the one who found him after she hadn't heard from him in a few weeks.

I always used to call her on Father's Day (didn't say why I was calling, just called) but we lost touch years back.

I called my dad today and we had a nice chat. I'll be seeing him at a family reunion in a few days.

Now that my mother isn’t around to criticise my gifts, I love holidays when I can give my dad stuff. We talked today and are getting together in a couple days and I can’t wait to give him his gift, he’s going to love it. He will also be surprised because he thinks the smart lock we gave him recently is his Father’s Day gift and I love catching him off guard in a good way like that.
My mother was awful. And I thought once she died that things between me and my dad would be great. But he shares a lot more of her viewpoints than I knew. They’re both bad parents. But after she’d been gone a year, around the time I accepted I am a disappointment no matter what so made some major life changes to make me happier, dad started to change a tiny bit. It isn’t all perfect by any means but he at least seems aware sometimes that I am an adult, I have nerves of steel, I make sound judgments, and I am going to live life on my own terms. I was always gaslighted and guilted but then for a long time and I’d fade out of their lives and then come back for more of the same. Now that I’ve given up on him it’s just helped. He’s a touch more like the kind of parent I wish both of them had been.

after reading some of these I actually feel kind of guilty that my father ISN'T an asshole

As someone whose dad was just... bad at being a dad and shouldn't have got married or had kids, I'm glad your dad isn't an asshole. It's nice to know that some aren't!

Luck of the draw. As long as you recognize it, it's fine. Though I think most dads probably aren't assholes or are just okay enough, or are even trying their best while they fuck up but at least they aren't major fuckups and they show they care. And of course there are those who make it hard to decide. But I'm just rambling now, so I'll just stop.

My dad's great. It happens. Those of us with uncomplicated positive feelings about fathers aren't likely to post in a thread like this so there's a selection bias going on.

My dad is the kind of dad who a couple years ago showed up at my house on Father's Day without me asking... because my lawn needed mowing. So he just showed up and mowed my lawn until I realized my yard was being mowed and I went out and told him he didn't need to be doing that, especially on Father's Day. Heh.

One reason I bought my own mower last year was so that he'd stop putting himself out there for me. So this year I went and visited him and hung out with the rest of the family for awhile instead, despite really not having a good health day. Had a headache for most of the rest of it, but I was glad I could stop by for a little while and make him happy.

My dad doesn’t always understand me, but he definitely tries and I really love him for that. He still calls me his little queen and likes to watch TV with me. We watched Spy x Family today and it was nice.

I hope everyone with a dad that cares for and loves them are able to at least spare a moment to appreciate their dad/father figure.

My dad is a monster and I still struggle to come to terms as to what my relationship with him is. I can't even go into the nuances of why, I just...I just want nothing to do with my dad and I never to want to speak of him or think of him. My parents are still together and alive and well but...my dad is...not a good person.

My sister and I got him a gift because in my family's community performance is vital. Gotta let people know I think of my parents. But behind the nice gifts and smiles, I just...am in so much pain about how much I hate my dad. How much I fear him. How much I wonder how monstrous he really is and how I actually don't want to know the details of that truth. What I do know and what I suspect is more than enough.

My only thought for father's day is that cancer is a stone cold bitch. Cancer stole my dad,the grief over his death turned my mother into a psychological mess, and stole my childhood from me trying to cope with the loss of both of them; one to death, the other to being too lost in her own grief to remember she had a kid most days. I hope cancer gets cancer.

Could have sworn I wrote this, except I can't blame the cancer for what the incubator turned into. She was just always a narcissistic asshole and she never changed, she just changed targets. I hate that evil seems to live forever while the good ones get stolen from us early. It should be the opposite.

My father is not a bad person per se, but when I was little he was far from the optimal father figure. He was always too invested in his job and completely neglected me and my sisters. My mother helped him and sometimes we would go hungry without a proper dinner because they were working until late. He had a bad temperament and was angry most of the time when I was growing up.
We all developed abandonment issues because of that, but between us I'm the one that reaped the most benefits from that situation (ex. I can move across the globe and be very indipended and not miss my family at all. My sisters are the opposite of me). Still, that left me incapable of trusting other people and I rely only to myself, especially emotionally, because I always expect people to betray my trust -life teached me that this is often the case.

ATM I'm living in my parents' house. I've been back for a whole year now, after 5+ years abroad. It's been a very hard year for me, to learn to communicate and live with my parents again. This cohabitation gave me a lot of insight on what they did wrong during my formative year and what the consequences for me have been (I'm in therapy. It helps A LOT)
TBH if he were to die tomorrow, I'd probably miss him a lot but I would also be at peace with it. He has grown and matured a lot in the last 10 years of his life and even if he has still a lot of improvement to do (he's still a bigoted and homophobic POS sometimes), I'm proud of him. He has some values that I respect and I'm grateful that he passed me.
So, he is a deeply flawed man that tried to do his best. Not the best father figure (like my mother was not the best), but it could've been far worse. Good people with a lot of mental issue = bad parents.

BTW I highly suggest this book: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson. Helps a lot with coming to terms with the consequences of bad parenting.

(BTW I never know when father or mother's days are. We as a family don't care about this type of things. We don't pressure each other to conform to any festivities -ex. No "forced" presents/cards at birthdays and/or christmas- and for that I'm VERY grateful.)

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[ SECRET POST #5644 ]

What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

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Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?