[ SECRET POST #5644 ]

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⌈ Secret Post #5644 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 42 secrets from Secret Submission Post #808.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: What are your thoughts today here on Father's Day?

[(Anonymous)]

My father is not a bad person per se, but when I was little he was far from the optimal father figure. He was always too invested in his job and completely neglected me and my sisters. My mother helped him and sometimes we would go hungry without a proper dinner because they were working until late. He had a bad temperament and was angry most of the time when I was growing up.
We all developed abandonment issues because of that, but between us I'm the one that reaped the most benefits from that situation (ex. I can move across the globe and be very indipended and not miss my family at all. My sisters are the opposite of me). Still, that left me incapable of trusting other people and I rely only to myself, especially emotionally, because I always expect people to betray my trust -life teached me that this is often the case.

ATM I'm living in my parents' house. I've been back for a whole year now, after 5+ years abroad. It's been a very hard year for me, to learn to communicate and live with my parents again. This cohabitation gave me a lot of insight on what they did wrong during my formative year and what the consequences for me have been (I'm in therapy. It helps A LOT)
TBH if he were to die tomorrow, I'd probably miss him a lot but I would also be at peace with it. He has grown and matured a lot in the last 10 years of his life and even if he has still a lot of improvement to do (he's still a bigoted and homophobic POS sometimes), I'm proud of him. He has some values that I respect and I'm grateful that he passed me.
So, he is a deeply flawed man that tried to do his best. Not the best father figure (like my mother was not the best), but it could've been far worse. Good people with a lot of mental issue = bad parents.

BTW I highly suggest this book: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson. Helps a lot with coming to terms with the consequences of bad parenting.

(BTW I never know when father or mother's days are. We as a family don't care about this type of things. We don't pressure each other to conform to any festivities -ex. No "forced" presents/cards at birthdays and/or christmas- and for that I'm VERY grateful.)