fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5650 ]

[ SECRET POST #5650 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5650 ⌋

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A major thing was that I didn't have an "addiction to the internet" or whatever my parents/adults told me. I was drawn to it because it was to place that I felt comfortable enough socially to just be myself .
No masking. No playing a part based on what I thought was 'acceptable'. No suppressing my quirks or passions .

At the job I work I tend to take naps on our breakroom couch at breaks (DW I use phone alarms to get back to work on time). Sometimes even when I get a good night's sleep.

Then I often nap at home as well.

I remember in 8th grade every afternoon on the bus I'd sit in the same spot and pretty much pass out til I reached my stop. Now I understand why. School and work were exhausting bc in every social responsibility I had, I was constantly playing a part.

And it's not like masking is a choice I make either. I automatically default to some practiced 'role' without thinking.

I've also learned that social!me is sort of playing "dumb and childish" because I'm so deeply afraid of offending a person and causing conflict . I don't want people to think I have things like serious political opinions most of the time.

Me and Matt (my brother) talked about it in the car today. That with every person we don't know well, we're carefully watching them and assessing how secure we feel with them before we let anything slip.

Real life social responsibility is tiring and a chore for me sometimes because my brain has learned that it's a lot of acting and carefully watching what I say . Which is tiring and draining

That's why I bristle at my dad's comments that I have "a problem" with the internet.

No, the problem is that I'm trying to function in a world largely not for me and the internet is the one sanctuary I can just....chill and truly socialize and have fun.

That puts it really well. And I'm seriously impressed that you've used your username for this; I daren't even do that!

Heh thanks. I guess I didn't see why any rational person would take extreme issue with this.

This is so relatable. I'm almost the same as you in every point you wrote.

My parents were really emotionally immature when I was growing up and my father had a lot of outbursts of anger, while my mother was emotionally unavailable because of trauma she suffered during her childhood. My aunt was schizophrenic (I loved her, she was very kind and a very good person, but sometimes she was easily triggered into psychosis) and my grandma suffered from Bipolar Disorder and probably BPD.
To survive the unprectability of my family's mood I learned very fast to read people's mood and adjust myself to that. I've always been very socially inept and prefer quitly observe people before I interact. I was like this since I was born, apparently.
I never unlearned that and it created a lot of problems for me because I "put of a mask" with almost everyone without even being aware of that. I prefer being alone most of the time. People tire me. Internet is my safe heaven, but even then sometimes I need to unplug because people are just too much for me.

I recommend reading or just skimming through "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents" by
Lindsay C. Gibson. This book and therapy really did put some stuff into perspective for me.

I wish you all the best. <3

Thanks for the recs . Though my issue(and my brother's, possibly) was mainly being on the autism spectrum and being very anxious..

I was also pretty heavily bullied throughout school.

I probably should have mentioned that, sorry

AYRT

No worries! I'm not on the autistic spectrum, but it turn out I have ADHD and always had difficulties socializing and understanding other people's emotions and motivations because of that. I suffer from Bipolar Disorder and social anxiety, too. I was also bullied from elementary to the beginning of high school.
So yeah... We probably have some issues in common even if the causes are different. :)
Have a nice day/night!

Hahah yeah looks like we do. Like I know it sounds pretty wild but... (i swear I'm not self diagnosing here) I also have a diagnosis for Bipolar 2 when I was 24. So ... yeah. I'm like a complicated mess of mental conditions and disorders. A weird combo of genetics and the fact I didn't have thyroid function til I was 2 months old.

Yes, same - and unfortunately not even the internet for me AOL because it has changed so much, even socializing online can be stressful often.

Yeah , I get that .

Though for me, upsetting/offending one of my coworkers feels a little more risky than upsetting/offending someone online

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