[ SECRET POST #5650 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5650 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 40 secrets from Secret Submission Post #809.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

Assuming you’ve reached your 30’s and beyond, of course. Inspired by today’s Secret #1.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

Metabolism is real.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[philstar22]

Oh man, yes. And it can change at different points in your life, and specifically is more likely to slow down as you get older.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

Yup, I can no longer just eat everything and stay slim. I now have to put effort in.

On a related note, I also realized that exercise can be fun and satisfying. Just because I hated PE in school doesn't actually mean I can't enjoy getting fit now!

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[philstar22]

Life is both harder and better when you have another living being depending on you. It doesn't have to be another human. And life is more worth putting the effort in with another being in your life who loves you and who you love.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

Learned how truly fucked dealing with insurance can be.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

You reeeeeeaaaallyy need to start doing some sport when you are younger (of course, I am realizing this now through all my pain)

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

life is struggle between work obligations and whatever is the fuck up of the day. so much organizing.
sick? make an appointment, get time off work. pet sick? same. Dort get me started on folks with kids. I'm already overwhelmed with my own stuff.

Your Body Will Decline Sooner Than You Think. Take warning signs seriously. I didnt and was rewarded with 2 weeks of hospital.

Never too late to start a retirement fund.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

that people suck (i spent my entire 30s doing retail customer services work - people suck)

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

Sometimes you just don't 'grow into' things. I remember family evenings where I'd be doing a jigsaw puzzle while my parents watched "grown-up shows" like DS9 or Voyager and thinking maybe when I'm older it would be less boring to me. Or that romantic movies and things like flower bouquets would make more sense. But I'm less than 2 years to 40 now and still can't be bothered to care about any of those. Still would rather just watch cartoons. Still don't understand the point of watching flora slowly die in a vase. Still definitely bored to death by romance and unequivocally aroace (I do enjoy erotic comics though).

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

That literally everything I had been told about getting older* was absolute bullshit.

*Things like "once you turn 30 all fun ceases and you must Grow Up" and "you must have a house, a family, and a highly successful career by 30 or you're a failure at life".

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

A little depressing, but I realized that while I was never in great shape physically, my teens/20s meant I was more resilient than I realized and that period was ending. Everything got just a bit harder - harder to bounce back from staying up all night, bouts of the cold/flu, physical exertion, over-indulgence in eating, skipping meals, eating junk food, general stress, etc. Nothing catastrophic, it's just that the negative repercussions are more noticeable now and it's a reminder that I need to take better care of myself.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

That I don't think I'll ever feel like an adult. I mean, I work and pay my bills and take care of all those grown up things, but inside I feel like I'm still a kid and when bad stuff happens, I still get the urge to call my mom and dad so they can fix it for me (I never do, of course). Also, being emo definitely wasn't a phase.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[sparklywalls]

Sort of related to the secret I guess! Everyone complains that "nobody makes the effort, they're all too busy with their own lives!" like they're the only one making the effort but...nobody is making more effort than anyone else. Overall I mean. I know there are exceptional people who really suck but I promise you that the vast majority of us don't realise how much shit is going to be pulling you in all directions once you lose the shared venues of your early adulthood such as education. And yes, we're all busy. And exhausted. More of us are scattered geographically than ever before. Though having said that, sometimes I feel like it's a struggle to see my friends in the SAME city as much as it's a struggle to see the ones all over the world.

But on the other hand when you do manage to have a get together with friends, the really good ones, the actual friends, don't care how long it has been. You just slot back into it like you last saw each other yesterday. I think my 30s have taught me a lot more empathy for the fact I'm not and (general) you are not the main character in the lives of others.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[dancingmouse]

That those little aches and pains that your parents complained about, the ones that you rolled your eyes at and didn't believe actually existed, are in fact real.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

- I'm older now than my mother when she had me and I definitely couldn't deal with a child (or more). I wouldn't be ready even if I wanted any.

- You still get acne no matter your age and those fuckers somehow hurt MORE now than they did when I was a teen

- I wish I had started to apply sunscreen earlier. All the sunburns I had as a teen haunt me now... because I feel like I'm so much more aware of my own mortality/vulnerabilty of the human body.

- People in their 60s really aren't that old at all

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide ideation

That even if my mother always told me that "being depressed is normal" it is, in fact, not normal to be depressed. It's not normal always thinking about suicide and having a very detailed plan to carry out in case that X things goes too south (I use those plans as a coping mechanism for my anxiety).
I got into theraphy at 31 years old, after 10+ years of denial, and received a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder, OCD, ADHD, social anxiety disorder and CPTSD.
I'm not on meds (I have a lot of issues about them - working on this), but finally having someone recognizing that my suffering is real and not something that I was making up is just so reassuring. I'm still sick and I will be forever, but I'm beginning to slowly see hope.

Adding to this: I finally got that PHYSICAL EXERCISE IS SERIOUSLY THE BEST THING FOR MENTAL ILLNESS. I've been forcing myself to do cardio EVERY DAY for at least 30 minutes (I use a stationary bike) this last month and my mood has improved and stabilized a lot. I'm lucky that I don't have any physical issues that prevent me from exercising because seriously, I think it's saving my life and mind.
For context: I've always had a complicated relationship with excercising because I was always overweight (I still am) and was severely bullied until high school, especially during PE or while playing other sports. Now I love it because I know that even if at the moment is brutal and uncomfortable and sometimes makes me think of those horrible times, later I feel so much better.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

That I'm gay, whoops.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[dani_phantasma]

A major thing was that I didn't have an "addiction to the internet" or whatever my parents/adults told me. I was drawn to it because it was to place that I felt comfortable enough socially to just be myself .
No masking. No playing a part based on what I thought was 'acceptable'. No suppressing my quirks or passions .

At the job I work I tend to take naps on our breakroom couch at breaks (DW I use phone alarms to get back to work on time). Sometimes even when I get a good night's sleep.

Then I often nap at home as well.

I remember in 8th grade every afternoon on the bus I'd sit in the same spot and pretty much pass out til I reached my stop. Now I understand why. School and work were exhausting bc in every social responsibility I had, I was constantly playing a part.

And it's not like masking is a choice I make either. I automatically default to some practiced 'role' without thinking.

I've also learned that social!me is sort of playing "dumb and childish" because I'm so deeply afraid of offending a person and causing conflict . I don't want people to think I have things like serious political opinions most of the time.

Me and Matt (my brother) talked about it in the car today. That with every person we don't know well, we're carefully watching them and assessing how secure we feel with them before we let anything slip.

Real life social responsibility is tiring and a chore for me sometimes because my brain has learned that it's a lot of acting and carefully watching what I say . Which is tiring and draining

That's why I bristle at my dad's comments that I have "a problem" with the internet.

No, the problem is that I'm trying to function in a world largely not for me and the internet is the one sanctuary I can just....chill and truly socialize and have fun.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[greghousesgf]

that my boyfriend at the time was a complete dickhead whom I shouldn't have gotten involved with.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

My gender!

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

Getting to a place where you’re ready to become a parent is a massive undertaking for anyone who isn’t rich. But if you’re aro/ace, earning minimum wage, with minimal family, zero inheritance coming your way, and your mental health isn’t great, then the deck is literally stacked against you. If I wanted to be a parent, I should've started actively working towards that goal in my early twenties. By which I mean cultivating long-term, trusting relationships with other aro/ace people who might one day want to co-parent with me; learning about investing and squirreling away as much money as I possibly could into investments; moving somewhere less expensive to live so that I could save more; pursuing as much subsidized therapy as I could possibly get my hands on. The sort of stuff that takes a long-ass time to bear fruit, but that is basically imperative when you're poor, aro/ace, mentally not 100%, and would like to have a kid.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

I don't owe shitty people a thing, even if they are "family."

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[malurette]

A real job and my own house.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[kallanda_lee]

Not a happy thing, but: that a lot of the people who raised you, who loved you, who were influential in your childhood/early life - are actually at the tail end of their lives, while you are (if all goes right) not even halfway.

In short: my thirties made me acutely aware of the fact my loved ones are mortal. It's not that I didn't know before, it's just that suddenly you start losing people and it doesn't stop.