[ SECRET POST #5650 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5650 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 40 secrets from Secret Submission Post #809.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

Getting to a place where you’re ready to become a parent is a massive undertaking for anyone who isn’t rich. But if you’re aro/ace, earning minimum wage, with minimal family, zero inheritance coming your way, and your mental health isn’t great, then the deck is literally stacked against you. If I wanted to be a parent, I should've started actively working towards that goal in my early twenties. By which I mean cultivating long-term, trusting relationships with other aro/ace people who might one day want to co-parent with me; learning about investing and squirreling away as much money as I possibly could into investments; moving somewhere less expensive to live so that I could save more; pursuing as much subsidized therapy as I could possibly get my hands on. The sort of stuff that takes a long-ass time to bear fruit, but that is basically imperative when you're poor, aro/ace, mentally not 100%, and would like to have a kid.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

I knew this stuff in my 20s, if not how to articulate all of it. What I still haven't figured out at almost 40 is how I could've done any of it. And it's too late now, I think.

By the time I was mentally together and financially secure enough to try, I'd have to adopt, and it would suck for the adoptee to realize their parent might die before they hit 18 or were ready to move out if they wanted to stay longer.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[(Anonymous)]

If I'd known I would definitely eventually want to be a parent, I might've realized this stuff, but I didn't see it as something I would definitely want eventually, and it never really occurred to me that I had to be prepping extremely hard for something I didn't want and had never wanted but might eventually want, maybe. I guess I'm just not strong on that kind of pragmatic foresight.

Fair point about not knowing how you could've actually done any of it, though. I definitely feel that.

I'm sorry you're going through it, too.

Re: What did you realize in your 30’s?

[kallanda_lee]

Not quite in the same boat as you...but, I just couldn't afford to have a kid. To be fair, it was never my "big dream", and I always planned to have kids late (like 30-ish). But by that time, I had not prepared anything. I had a boyfriend, yes, but I had no money, no career, no stable mental health...I'd just plummet myself into poverty and a mental institution (not sure which order) by having a child.