fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5792 ]

[ SECRET POST #5792 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5792 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 40 secrets from Secret Submission Post #829.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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What part of OP saying "None of this is rational" did you not understand?

OP literally says in the secret they get confused over why a celebrity would have a child. I have outlined reasons why celebrities might in fact have an easier time raising children than normies because of their increased resources

OP also stated that living in the fishbowl of fame would ruin a kid's life and I refuted that statement with an example of responsible celebrity parents

This anon sees extreme childfree stances resulting from a lack of empathy (i.e. you can not want kids and still understand why others do, if you don't understand why others do there is an emotional disconnect going on). OP knowing their feelings are irrational is irrelevant to this being true or untrue

What part of 'OP posted a secret on a forum for commenting on secrets and received a comment responding to their secret' did you not understand?

You have good points about resources (assuming the celeb in question is doing well and didn't end up bankrupt for various reasons) but IMO you lost the high ground when you opened your post with a generalization.

DA

but IMO you lost the high ground when you opened your post with a generalization.

Not really.

Even if they lost some high ground, I'd say they're still a good half a hill up on OP.

DA

I think saying that the childfree scene on the internet is obnoxious about claiming that they're the only sensible people and that coming to any other conclusion about reproduction is just "crazy" is pretty valid.

I have zero interest in having kids, myself, and I still tend to stay far away from folks that make "having zero kids" a key identity marker.

As someone who is glad to be childfree but thinks those people are obnoxious, this thread is really making me want to go "YES I am CHILDFREE and PROUD of it!!" .

So you’re a contrarian. Because the people in this thread criticizing the overly enthusiastic childfree people here have valid and good points, so there’s no real reason to want to be that way to spite them.

Unless you’re saying the childfree people you just said are obnoxious is making you want to say that? In which case, that’s confusing.

If this thread of people predictably arguing against points made in OP's frankly pretty insulting secret makes you want to proudly proclaim your childfree status from the hilltops, maybe you are more like the people you find obnoxious than you think

First post ITT but how on earth is OP's secret insulting? They're very clear that these are their own feelings and not rational facts. They are very much not coming out here and saying they're right and everyone else is wrong. I don't know how you react to that as though it's an insult.

Not sure if disengenuous

If not -

Insulting literally means disrespectful (with a potential connotation of scorn). Statents do not have to be phrased as 'rational facts' to be insults, that is not how English/ nuance works. Some of the wittiest people in history works barely have a insult against their name if that was how it worked

OP literally said having children was a choice no one would make in their right mind unless pressured by Society, and that children ruined people's lives.

Those are insulting statements, as they disrespect the choices of those who have children. That is even if couched in the vague qualifier of 'I know this irrational but...'

Like, if I came up to you and said, 'bit of an out there hot take, just my opinion and all, but I think doing [X thing you have done] is something only complete idiots would do, and people who say they like it are actually brainwashed simpletons' - that would be an insulting thing to say

In summary: saying 'I think all people who do X are stupid' is just an insulting as saying 'you are objectively stupid'

(And both are opinions, whether or not speaker claims one to be fact or one to be "only" feeling)

People are allowed to have irrational feelings. People having irrational feelings, knowing that they're irrational and unfair, is not an insult nor is it disrespectful. It's just the way that brains work sometimes. Maybe someone's feelings can get hurt inadvertently as a result of irrational feelings being expressed in an awkward or infelicitous way, OK, that happens. It's bad but the proper response is to de-escalate and apologize, not to treat it as an insult.

But I just fundamentally totally disagree with the idea that someone thinking something which they know is irrational about Group X is disrespectful or insulting to Group X. People are not robots with the capacity to believe only those things which they know to be rational and correct. People do have emotions that are irrational and incorrect. That's how emotions work. Jumping down someone's throat for sharing an irrational emotion which they know to be irrational is not justified nor does it help anyone.

Thinking something that is insulting technically still is disrespectful, it just doesn't hurt anyone. Like, if I think to myself my teacher is a 'malodourous old bat', that's definitely a disrespectul thought, but if no one else hears it, no harm no foul.

Putting those same thoughts out into a public forum where the subjects of those thoughts can become aware of them is how an insulting opinion can become hurtful.

Like, I get that you don't want to feel like the bad guy for feeling this way, but unfortunately once you put something out into the world you can't take it back, nor can you control how other people react to it, including being insulted by it. Insulting, as much as you don't want it to be, is in the eye of the beholder, as it were.

As you say, many times people only find out something they thought was actually disrespectful was when they said it outloud and someone said they were hurt by it. And that's okay.

If the intention was not to be insulting, OP should own up and apologise for not thinking through how their words could be interpreted by others. To clarify, it is OP's responsibility to deescalate and apologise in the first instance, not the public forum's. Unfortunately that doesn't seem to have happened here.

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(Anonymous) - 2022-11-15 23:01 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2022-11-15 23:49 (UTC) - Expand

+ Infinity

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(Anonymous) - 2022-11-16 00:52 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2022-11-16 02:13 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2022-11-16 03:44 (UTC) - Expand

+10000. Also, I kind of can't believe there is apparently more than one person ITT who needs this explained to them.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2022-11-15 22:33 (UTC) - Expand

This 100%.

And going off of AYRT’s latest response to you as well, my money is on them being disingenuous.

+1,000

Interesting that you think AYRT is 'generalising' and that invalidates their point. Interesting that you don't think OP thinking everyone who has children has only done so because they've been brainwashed by "society", and also that their lives have been automatically ruined by doing so, is not a generalisation.

Interesting because one of these claims (that people who can't empathise with the choices of others lack empathy) makes sense, even if you disagree with it.

The other is just kinda nuts.

+10

You don't get to spew a bunch of rude-as-fuck opinions and then dodge all responsibility for those opinions by saying "it's not rational" once you've had your say. If someone wants to talk about how they feel, they need to frame it as such. OP did a really, really bad job of appropriately framing their statements in this secret.

What part of “this is a public forum” don’t you understand? The OP can say they understand they’re being irrational. And others are still well within their right to engage with the other things OP said. “I know this is irrational” isn’t a ‘Get Out of People Having a Discussion in the Comments Free’ card.

DA

For real. Sometimes I wonder if people watch fandom secrets for a bit, observe that some of the secrets get plenty of agreement and commiseration, and then feel mistreated if what they write doesn't get embraced like that. But the thing is, on F!S, if people disagree with you, they'll just say so. And if they feel like you're insulting them, hoo boy ...

But in general, this is not the place for OPs and/or their friends to go "who asked you??" because that's exactly what the secret maker is doing. Whether they meant to or not.

This.

Has OP tried to be rational?

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