fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5914 ]

[ SECRET POST #5914 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5914 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[The Martian (film)]

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[Arknights]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 11 secrets from Secret Submission Post #846.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big (and unfortunately unreadable downscaled) ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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I feel like there has to be something wrong with me. My emotions just don't last.

My dad died early this morning. And I cried briefly when I found out, though I didn't sob. And I felt sad. But now I'm back to just feeling numb. I've had a few brief moments of sadness since then. But it just doesn't stick around. I should feel more and feel longer. I don't get what is wrong with me. I feel like a robot.

I am so sorry for your loss!

Grief is weird and complicated and will have you questioning yourself A LOT. There is no right or wrong way to feel. And it’s super common to not actually feel much of anything at all for a while. It was a few weeks before I felt anything about my mother’s death. It’s been a couple years now and I still go through some weird stages about it.
You’re not a robot, you’re just in shock. And you may go through it more than once and that’s ok. ((Hugs if you want them))

Sometimes it just hits people that way. It takes a while for it to really feel real. There isn't a right or wrong way to feel right now, but be kind to yourself if you can. I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

There is absolutely not any right or wrong way to grieve, there is nothing wrong with you, and everyone processes these things differently. Sometimes it's just so overwhelming that you don't know what to feel. Whatever you feel, now or later, it's not wrong and there's nothing wrong with you. However you process it is the right way for you. But I hope you have someone you can talk to about it if or when you need to talk about it.

Hugs if wanted.

No, there is not something wrong with you. Everyone processes death differently, there is no 'right' way to do it. You're likely in a state of shock however as recent as his death has been. The shock may last anywhere from a few days to a couple months, possibly even years. Take care of yourself and keep in contact with others, I know it's hard and it may get worse soon.

So sorry for your loss, take it easy for a while if you can!

As everyone else has said, everyone processes grief differently. Don't beat yourself up for what your reaction is when you've barely had a day to process.

I'm the same way. Like, not even just in the immediate wake of a death or a loss, but...always. I kind of suspect there IS something wrong with me, tbh, but I've never been able to figure out what. For a while I thought maybe Schizoid Personality Disorder, then I thought maybe Complex PTSD, but neither one quite fits. *shrug*

I'm sorry you're feeling that way too. You're not alone. I have no idea if there's "something wrong with you," but you're not the only one to feel this way.

And I'm sorry for your loss.

I feel this way sometimes too. I'm upset that I'm not more upset by objectively upsetting things. I think it's related to my depression, but thus far the antidepressants haven't really changed it. I have haf more energy to be empathetic and comforting though, which helps. If there are other things about yourself that impact your quality of life and/or make you worried maybe you can talk to a doctor or counselor. It wouldn't hurt to talk to a professional after a big loss, even if you don't have any other concerns.

But really, I'm sorry for your loss. There's no wrong way to grieve. There's no time table or quota for expressing grief. Don't beat yourself up.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Sometimes it takes time to process these things, and you're still stunned right now. My father died in 2020 and it took me quite a while until to come out of the stunned shock.

There is no right way to do it.

I had a similar response when my Grandpa died. I sobbed for about ten minutes and then went numb for days. Sometimes tears would leak out, but I didn't really feel anything. There's no one correct way to grieve.

So sorry for your loss, but there’s nothing wrong with what you’re feeling. I didn’t grieve my grandparents very much even though I was very close to both sets (I actually grieved my cats more, believe it or not). It’s all part of the processing.

I am so sorry for your loss. *hugs*

Please don't feel guilty for what you think you "should" feel and/or for how long. Grieving varies by individual and there's no right or wrong way about it.

I’m so sorry for your loss and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with how you’re feeling. Grief is different for everybody and it can be unpredictable too. I didn’t cry when my grandma passed away. I didn’t cry at the funeral either. I didn’t feel anything until months later when I was talking about her to a friend and just started ugly crying.

1) Don't beat yourself up over your reaction to your father's death.

2) Remember that grief is a unique process; it varies a metric ton from individual to individual.

3) Returning to normal takes time.

4) If you still feel upset about your emotions or apparent lack thereof, please find a trustworthy grief counselor or psychologist. This way you can stop worrying if your reactions are normal or not.

SA

Brought to you by an anon who lost their father just last year. He was dying of old age and a prolonged illness, so I actually did more grieving before he died, rather than afterwards. Grief is a peculiar thing. I am honoring his memory by getting back into science fiction more, as it was an interest we both shared.

I'm sorry for your loss, and you're not a robot. From what you've posted here, it sounds like you've been stressed by family stuff for awhile.

Stress does weird things to brains. So does grief. So does exhaustion, and exhaustion comes free with grief and stress. And emotional numbness at loss is absolutely a normal thing that happens.

You're not grieving wrong; there are very few ways to grieve wrong and "feeling numb" or disconnected from everything is nowhere on the list.

(hugs) Take care of yourself.

Various medications can blunt your emotional response.

But aside from that possibility, I relate. I was present, as a young teen, when my dad died after a long illness. I was sorry he was gone but mostly relieved for his sake, because he had suffered.

I think about him fondly often now, decades later, but I moved to the acceptance stage very, very quickly.

Very sorry for your loss.

Grief is very weird and different for everyone. Please remember there is no set way for a person to grieve and you don't have to act or feel a certain way just to meet social expectations.
When my grandfather died, I didn't cry at all and my mother angrily accused me of not being sad - I was, I just couldn't process it properly at that point. It was only some years later after listening to a song I thought he would have liked that the dam broke and I cried like crazy. Things are never linear with grief, nor do they always make sense (and the stages of grief especially are not a manual for grieving).

I'm sorry for your loss.

In my experience, emotions come in waves. You never know when it'll come or how strong. Process your feelings and there is no right or wrong way to react to loss.

Find comfort. Give comfort. Keep feeling your feelings <3

I had the same reaction to my father passing - and as you can see from all the other comments, neither of us is alone in this.

It's been multiple years now, and the yawning, aching grief complete with long periods of crying I was expecting never really turned up. I loved my dad, but I miss him more than I grieve for him.

Sometimes something will happen and I'll get irrationally angry irrationally fast (my uncle smoking in my garden a few months after my father died of lung cancer, my boss telling me that reminding a staff member with a brain tumor he had income protection and critical illness cover was overbearing and insensitive).

Sometimes, rarely, I just want to very quietly cry for a few minutes and then carry on as normal.

People say that everyone's grief is different and that's true, but what isn't said enough is that nobody's grief is *wrong*. How you react has no bearing on how much you love, miss, or even resent him for leaving; there's no revelation of "how you really feel" based on how much you cry.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have people around you who will give you a hug when you need it, space when you need it, and time when you need it.

Like everyone else has said, grief is a peculiar thing. Like you, my response to the death of one of my grandparents was kind of to shrug and then keep going, which I attributed to not having had a lot to do with them in the last few years before they died, and the fact that no-one had bothered to mention it until about two weeks after the funeral. And then about three weeks later, I had a bag stolen out of my car, and then I spent about six hours over the top grieving, starting with the 'but my recorder' and ending up 'but grandma'.

Which is not to say that you will have the same thing happen, but sometimes there has to be space in your life for the grief to get in.

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[ SECRET POST #5914 ]

Is there something wrong with me? TW: death

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