[ SECRET POST #5928 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5928 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


01.



__________________________________________________



02.



__________________________________________________



03.



__________________________________________________



04.



__________________________________________________



05.



__________________________________________________



06.
[Far Cry]



__________________________________________________



07.
[Starry Love]



__________________________________________________



08.



__________________________________________________



09.



__________________________________________________



10.























Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 11 secrets from Secret Submission Post #848.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

So the defensiveness doesn't come from nowhere.

Yeah, this is totally fair. Your whole comment is, and the people who react to your kinks that way are the fucking worst, I'm sorry.

Honestly, with my last paragraph I wasn't really talking about having the freedom to ask other people why they like what they like--which I do think is a very iffy thing to do under most circumstances. Like, you probably shouldn't just ask that, and if you do ask, people are totally reasonable to say it's none of your business, or that they just find it hot.

I was mainly talking about how, sometimes people can get so broadly dismissive of the very notion that one might have complicated feelings about their kinks, that they end up shutting down that conversation for other people. I mean, I have lots of complicated thoughts and feelings about my kinks and I'm okay with that, it doesn't actually bother me in any deep-seated way. But I often feel like I can't express any of my complicated thoughts and feelings, or talk about having them, because I've seen quite a few people scoff at the very notion of feeling weird or ambivalent about one's kinks, like only a dull and unenlightened pleb would feel any of that.

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Part of the thing about really analyzing one's complicated feelings about their kinks is that it requires you to be open and vulnerable if you're going to be honest. In the current fandom/internet climate, I would frankly advise people against being vulnerable in this way unless they're very very confident, because if there is no filter and no privacy, there will inevitably be those who will use that vulnerability against you. And it might hit you in some soft and painful places, and if there's any trauma anywhere in that, it might indeed trigger something and leave you worse off than before you started.

No matter what your fictional kinks are, you have the right to privacy and emotional self-protection. If bravado or dismissive behavior is part of that, so be it. I do think you're underestimating just how ruthless and vicious anti-kink people can be in aggressively going after people. It often is truly safer to not even let them get a toe in the door.

[(Anonymous)]

I do think you're underestimating just how ruthless and vicious anti-kink people can be in aggressively going after people.

I'm not; they just don't bother me. My OTP is very controversial--tons of antis. I'm just very unbothered by any of the stuff they say. I guess because I find it so ridiculous. Or hell, maybe it's because I shared some of their perspectives when I was younger and so I feel like I understand why they think the way they do and that makes it easy to brush off. IDK.

I do know I'm a lot more bothered by people trying to shame me for feeling a little conflicted or weird about something than I am by people trying to shame me for liking it.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

I think maybe if they were doxxing you and sharing photos of your house and telling you that you must have enjoyed and deserved the rape and/or SA in your past if you ever mentioned it, or posted videos of you taken without your consent when you didn't even know it was happening, you might not be so blithe. These are things that have happened to me and people I know. (Or maybe it has happened to you and you really are that secure and confident.)

I'm not saying it's the norm or anything, but it definitely has a chilling effect on honesty. I've never seen this behavior from anti-shaming people, but it is very much a thing from the pro-shamers.

By all means, be ambivalent as much as you want. Question is as much as you want, and talk about it as openly as you feel safe to. It's okay! But the "shaming people for liking things" includes a lot more credible death threats, so there is a lot more legitimate reason to be wary.

[(Anonymous)]

sa

you might understand why they think the way they do, but I do think you're still not understating how hateful and violent the "problematic ship" discourse has become. How absolutely brutal they are with victim-blaming ("oh, you like x ship and you were raped? You deserved it and you must have liked it. too bad your rapist didn't kill you") Can you really easily laugh this sort of thing off?

[(Anonymous)]

("oh, you like x ship and you were raped? You deserved it and you must have liked it. too bad your rapist didn't kill you") Can you really easily laugh this sort of thing off?

I don't laugh it off when it's directed at other people, because I'm not insensitive like that. But directed towards me? Sure. The person saying those things is a hateful clown; nothing they say means anything to me.

The place where I wouldn't laugh it off anymore is when they take it into real life with doxxing, etc. But in the twenty years I've been in fandom, I've seen two doxxings, which, for perspective, is the same number of pedestrians I've seen hit and killed by cars in that time. So personally it's just not something I worry about beyond basic mindfulness of the possibility. I guess maybe if I got into a fandom where people were fucking insane and doxxing all over the place, then I'd be warier, but I've been in some wanky fandoms and doxxing has still been very rare. *shrug*

Also, to be clear, you don't need to convince me that antis are worse than the people who are so kink positive they end up unintentionally implying that people who feel anything but horny delight about their own kinks are less valid. Of course the antis are worse. They're not even in the same ballpark. The fact that I personally feel worse after an invalidating run-in with the latter type of person than I feel after a run-in with the former does not mean the latter is doing worse things or is a worse person; of course they're not. Of course they're not.