[ SECRET POST #5961 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #5961 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 18 secrets from Secret Submission Post #852.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: How do you not care what anyone thinks of you?

[(Anonymous)]

I'll be the odd one out here and say I do care what someone thinks of me; I care what I think of me, and that's the end of the list.

And while that sounds callous, it's really not; you are the only person whose opinion matters in the end. How much do you value your own opinion and your own judgment? Because if you like yourself, if you believe that you're worthy and fine and deserving just as much as anyone else of living however you want, then (*an it harm none) it truly doesn't matter what everyone else thinks. They can just be wrong, and that's fine! People are wrong all the time.

But it goes both ways. Because if you don't like yourself, if you don't believe that you're worthy and fine, it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks, either. Even if it's your parents, or your partner, or your kids. You'd end up doubting their words, second guessing their reassurances, and judging yourself either way.

The ironic and difficult part is that it's all circular. When you feel judged or wrong or different, how do you just like yourself? If you don't feel like you're worthy, how do you just start believing you are? And why does believing it make it true?

The trick I've found is that there's a difference between "what makes you feel better or gets you through the day" and "what makes you happy." When your parents tell you to do whatever makes you happy, they mean the latter, not the former. Find something to pursue, then pursue it. Find something you really want and try hard at it. Accomplish something. Learn something. Help others. Pick a thing, then do the thing, then have a concrete thing you can point to and say, I did that. Or that at least, you tried.

Even if it's something weird. Like collecting stamps? Make a stamp collection you can be proud of. Like writing fanfic? Write a ton! Plenty of people with spouses and children and money and not enough perspective wake up one day wondering what they've really done with their lives, while plenty of weirdos who love what they do love being alive. Nothing lights people up like talking about things they found fulfilling, and when they do, most people are jealous of how happy they are and wonder how they did it.

Instead of worrying about what you aren't doing, what can you be proud of that you are doing? Define yourself by what you are, and what you like, and what you find joy in, and not by what other people say you're supposedly failing to be based on goals that aren't even yours.

Do you like yourself, OP?