[ SECRET POST #5961 ]

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⌈ Secret Post #5961 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 18 secrets from Secret Submission Post #852.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: How do you not care what anyone thinks of you?

[(Anonymous)]

Single woman in her 30s, also single, no intention to have kids, also believe I will never date/marry though I tend to say "right now" to others (and myself) because I know there are no absolutes, just that based on my experiences I'm not someone attuned to intimacy and romance with another person.

I have been there and am still going through it.

My 20s up until 34-35 were rough as fuck.

I have a friend who I grew up with and we're the same age, and she seemed to have hit it all out of the ballpark. She got married and had kids in her 20s and took a couple years off working to stay home and watch her kids. When she got back into the workforce she found a job quick and is doing WFH now.
When she first had kids she would constantly tell me, "I can't wait until you have kids." I always felt so fucking shitty.
First, I felt completely too fucked up and ugly to even be seen romantically by anyone.
Second, a lifetime of parentification had me questioning if I even wanted to have kids (turns out, I don't want kids).
Third, I felt like I couldn't talk to my friend about the first 2 things because I felt like she just couldn't understand that I have things within me that I have to work on that make my experiences and perception different from her. Also, parenting is a full time job. I won't hold it against her for not having time to be there for me through my hardships. And honestly, when I did go to her with some problems she tried to be supportive but what she offered wasn't enough. And I learned that it's not her fault that I feel that way. Sometimes, someone can love you a lot but they can't fully understand and help you and that just means I have to find resources that can help.

To be completely honest, I still care a lot what people think but I've learned to recontextualize my POV to remind myself that the world doesn't work like I think/feel.

-other people aren't judging you as harshly as you may think
-even if someone is judging you, that judgment likely only appears when it's convenient to them; you're not in a constant state of "less than" in other people's mind as you may think
-so many other people are insecure too; some are probably meaner to themselves than they are you.

I still struggle to make connections and make friends. I still feel so lost and like I don't know what I want out of life.

But I'm trying to work on finding peace and happiness for me with the knowledge that what that means to me doesn't have to revolved around society's expectations.
I know people are skeptical of the "inner child" work but I do feel like I've gained some inner strength and care for myself and others by treating the scared, insecure, sad/depressed part of myself like a kid version of me.
I ask myself what I would have wanted a responsible adult/caretaker to do to help me and a lot of times I find a solution to help me process my thoughts, feelings and problems.

Like, life is hard. We all have our own paths to embark on.

Success is what you make of it, not what society says it is or what other people do.

All of this is so much easier said than done and I still struggle a lot. Not going to dress this up as cure-all.

Wish you a lot of luck and I hope you can be a little kinder to yourself.

Be the best friend to you that you've always wanted. Someone who reassures and helps instead of cracking jokes and self-depricates