fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5975 ]

[ SECRET POST #5975 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5975 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Crystal Project]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 23 secrets from Secret Submission Post #854.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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What's on your mind?

That OW2 abandoning their PVE plans (you know, the reason they gave for killing Overwatch) is on brand for current blizzard.

It's such a shitshow over there.

I know someone who took a job with them relatively recently and Jesus Christ, I hope the pay is good, because *man* is the company soulless.

I have a friend who I know from outside of fandom but who I am pretty sure is in shipping fandom; it would be basically impossible for me to talk about it with her for various reasons not worth explaining but it's always really fun trying to work out who she ships when she gets into new media.

Money won't buy you happiness, but it'll buy you a hell of a lot of things that help make your life easier and happier, such as financial security, decent healthcare, a comfortable and safe place to live, good food to eat and the warm, comfortable feeling that you'll never have to worry about paying for things that break down.

Oh man, that last... If I won the lotto, the first thing I'd do is replace my broken stove, broken kitchen faucet, broken washer and dryer... and then start on my house before the roof falls in.

One of my uncles only made it to 47, one of my grandmothers to 53, my dad to 60 and my mom to 66, and I'm almost 40, and every time something new breaks I wonder if I'll die before my house becomes completely uninhabitable, or after. I can't afford to move, but I also can't afford to fix anything and don't have the skills to do it myself.

... I suppose if I wanted to tip the scales even more in favor of dying early, I could try to remove the asbestos ceiling or fix the faulty wiring, rotting roof, or wonky gas lines myself, heh.

I love how my nails look when they're painted perfectly but I loathe they way they look when they're chipped even a little. Are the good times worth the bad? Should I put in a ton of effort? I don't know.

my apt bldg was bought out by absolute incompetents during covid lockdown and they just raised my rent by $200 and I don't have another place to move to so I can't really do anything about it.

I went to look for fic for my newest ship, and there's only a couple and they're in a language I don't speak. :(

I've encountered that many a time. There will be one fic in English that is good, maybe two or three very poorly written ones, and a bunch that are in either Russian or Chinese.

The thing about my insecurity is that I know humans are bound to be insecure in general, we often seek for external validation...but I just get this feeling that maybe I'm doing it wrong?

Like, I see when others are feeling insecure and wanting to have "their" moment.
So I give it to them.
But there are times where I feel like I deserve to have "my" moment.
If there is someone there with me I often feel like I have to share my moment or downplay it.
And I get it can be because the person I am with is feeling insecure and they want what I have...
Why do I feel like shit when I share my moment/downplay it?
If I don't place importance on how the other person feels and just try to soak up the glory/attention, I often have to deal with someone being distant or even hostile afterwards.

Like, I think the problem is me, right? I should just stop caring so much that someone can't be fully happy for me when I have my moment and I should just deal with the after effects of having my moment while coping with a person/people who might be projecting their stuff onto mine.
I just wish it wasn't such a fucking pain in my ass to feel all these feelings.

And yeah, I'm currently not sharing my wins/proud moments too much. Mostly as a way protect myself from feeling hurt or guilty with how others might react.

PS. Reading this feels like I left out another side of the story.

I think I also feel resentment. On the other side of this is me often feeling like when others share their wins or having "their" moment, I try my best to be happy for them and celebrate them. Make it about them and don't overdo it (unless I know that's what they want lol)...
But on the flipside of that, those that I support and celebrate tend to not reciprocate. Or it feels lacking.

Again, it's me being insecure and projecting right?

I don't know how to get over these feelings.

I am genuinely happy for my friends and family when they want to celebrate.
It's on me to figure out why I feel like others' reactions to me having my moments suck ass and hurt me more than make me feel good.

Still mad about Eurovision

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[ SECRET POST #5975 ]

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SA

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