fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #5987 ]

[ SECRET POST #5987 ]

⌈ Secret Post #5987 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 30 secrets from Secret Submission Post #856.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah, tbh it sounds like half the problem is coming from how OP approaches things. My mother has a habit of doing the bowl thing (she sees something sitting out where it's not supposed to be, she automatically takes it to put it away) and I know that if I were to say "Hey, don't do that!" she would get defensive about it too because it's the equivalent of being yelled at. If I say "Please leave that there, I'm about to use it" then she'll go "Oh, sorry" and leave it alone with no fuss whatsoever.

It really is all about how you say things half the time.

NA - At face value, I agree with this, and OP's rant did leave me with some questions because the way OP has expressed it, she does come across like she has some communication issues of her own that are exacerbating the problem. But OTOH, weaponized incompetence is super common, so it doesn't really feel unreasonable to me to give OP the benefit of the doubt that she's actually tried to approach the issue in more than one way, and ultimately nothing she tries really works because the men in her life don't want to listen, or change, or put in equal effort.

It does seem to me like OP has issues of her own to deal with, but I don't think that invalidates her complaints, either.

OP says it's a recurring pattern, so it's not like she's blowing her top off at one isolated incident and we should all think of the poor, innocent men who are forced to put up with her screeching harridan ways. I think some people are missing that or deliberately ignoring that for some reason.

Personally, I know plenty of women who are in similar positions who've tried to have reasonable conversations but are shut down or dismissed every time. So I feel cynical when people go, "Oooooh it's a communication problem not a gender problem!" and "What if OP just tried a more reasonable approach???"

If nobody's willing to listen, it doesn't matter how nicely you ask. I'm amazed there are still women out there who haven't found this out yet and I envy their apparently fortunate lives.

+1000

I mean, if you approach someone who is doing something innocuous (like putting a bowl away) with an immediately accusatory tone, of course they're likely not going to respond to things in a positive fashion. This isn't rocket science.

I'm just skeptical because I have a coworker who always complains about how customer service agents never do their jobs and always give them terrible service. I happened to overhear her on the phone one time while they were talking to customer service for something or other and it became IMMEDIATELY obvious why she has so many issues with customer service - because they're a dick to the customer service people.

It's quite obvious that this has been going on for a while. We have no reason to think that OP wasn't polite at first. But when you're ignored over and over and over and over, politeness falls by the wayside because it takes effort to be polite and why bother with someone who ignores you anyway?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #5987 ]

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.

Re: Men who don't fucking listen.