[ SECRET POST #6030 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6030 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 25 secrets from Secret Submission Post #862.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

TOP

And I think it's a shame that the person I replied to decided to come and entrench in "I'm a survivor too, and that gives me every right to be maximally judgmental about anyone ever lying, about anything, no matter how trivial!"
That didn’t happen.

I’m not required to trust anyone who has proven they are liar even if you would. That’s it. That’s all.

SA

[(Anonymous)]

I think you’re mistaking someone else’s comment for mine. The one about trauma reasons for mistrust isn’t me. My reasons have nothing to do with trauma and nowhere did I claim that they do. I just flat out don’t trust anyone who isn’t honest. I don’t know if it’s a location thing or a career field thing or a generation thing but in my experience, compulsive lying is extremely rare in adults and not trusting compulsive liars is extremely common. If the teens next door me lied to me I’d second guess some things they say over the next few years but ten years from now I wouldn’t because in my experience very young people lying to fit in or seem older or more worldly or cool is common. But after around 22 or 23 that behavior is character defect.

Re: SA

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Yes, I did think you and another anon were the same person. No offense meant.

I have no way of knowing if your opinion is career related or age related or simply a you-thing. (But I can think of many more jobs where people are absolutely required to lie than ones where they are even allowed to be honest!) And no, I don't think you "have" to do anything the way I do it. However, if you're defining "honest" as "never lies about anything" it seems quite impossible to me that anyone should qualify as that. There are situations where I will mistrust individuals in the future for not giving me accurate information, but there are a great many more when it's of no consequence to me.

I've helped people get out of abusive situations by lying to people who had power over them. I've protected myself from unscrupulous people with a poker face and zero guilt over lying and keeping it up for as long as I had to. And these are just the extremes. The way I see it, there are degrees to what people are entitled to know about me: the ones who earn my trust and affection get to hear things that everyone else doesn't. Whether they know what to ask me about or not. And everyone else doesn't - even if they ask and expect me to "be honest."

To the extent that I've ever had reason to complain about "compulsive" liars, as opposed to everyone else, it's because they're erratic and can be easier to see through. IME, that's always covering a more complex problem. I've met none that are functional enough to really be out to get me, in any sense. But they're certainly capable of screwing other people over incidentally. So, you're right that I don't trust someone very far if I see they improvise lies to save situations that seem to be going wrong for them. And wind up having to do that a lot. But I've also never seen any good come from berating them over it.