fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6046 ]

[ SECRET POST #6046 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6046 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[The Sopranos]

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[Word of Honor]

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Notes:

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Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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If you could go back in time and meet your younger self, what would you tell them?

I'd tell myself: You have just as much value as anyone else, you are okay, take care of yourself, and also it is going to get better and you will get through this.

Be more willing to quit a job without something lined up if you start to feel resentful. Otherwise, your being fired will make you harder to hire and put you at risk of suicide.

You’re going to get through this. You may come out bloody and screaming and it’ll haunt you for the rest of your life but you’ll get through this.

(I was bullied in school and didn’t have a lot of support. nearly took my own life. but I’m still here and I wish I could tell her it’ll be ok)

Go to a state college. Get a more generalized degree (like business). Buy bitcoin. Driving isn't as scary as it seems.

ETA: Oh...mine isn't at meaningful. Lol. I was making an action plan.

Edited 2023-07-26 23:43 (UTC)

Invest in Apple.

Go to college. Take better care of yourself. Those people that you think are your good friends, aren't.

1.) Find [Husband's name] in [year we met] by [place we met].
2.) Go to school for [X] not [Y], trust me you'll hate [Y] and drop out.
3.) The reason you freak out so hard is mental illness not a moral failing, talk to a doctor and get anti-depressants.

If I went back far enough brainstorm with myself how to my parents about [family friend] having a health issue to try and get them to tell that friend to get checked for a specific issue. Maybe a weird, prophetic dream? I was a weird kid, I bet I'd have ideas.

Mostly just investment advice.

Get another therapist. Yes this one sucked donkey balls but I promise there are others, competent, who can and will help you. Because boy do you need the help. And it sucks donkey balls that this creep made things worse instead.

Depends on the age. At a certain age it would definitely be some kind of "it gets better/it won't always be like this" message. Other ages it would be "nothing matters, the world is going to go to shit, just do what makes you happy and forget everyone else." And a general "travel more. it's not as scary or impossible as you think."

I'd tell late teens super depressed self a few things I think are important.

Do you really care about the approval of guys who saw you reading THE PREVIOUS DAY in class but can't seem to remember that you can read? You know you're smart .

High school won't last forever . Trust me I barely remember it now.

You'll find people who get you.
Adulthood is a drag sometimes but it's not as scary as you think . Keep trying, keep holding on.

Be more patient with your mom. You never know how long you get.

Also Kaiti is your sister and she loves you. It's hard to see now but be a little nicer. One day you'll be close.

Stop being so legalistic about religious rules. It's making you miserable. It's not healthy ..I know part of it is the OCD so believe me when I say ...things definitely don't work like that. You're not going to get struck down for thinking maybe your church is wrong about a few things.

Also that therapist is no good and you should report her.

Edited 2023-07-27 00:29 (UTC)

You have Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder and ADHD. You NEED to be medicated in order to manage these conditions. Willpower on its own will never be effective. Without medication, you will be giving 10/10 effort at all times in order to simply not drown. With medication you can give a more manageable amount of effort and actually make progress. The difference meds make is everything.

Take better care of your teeth.

The sunscreen thing totally paid off, so good job!

don't go to college, don't get involved with my mean crazy ex and and don't move to the place I moved to in the late 80's.

Let financial independence be your first goal, save your money and invest it wisely. It'll give you a hell of a lot more freedom and peace of mind later on in life.

Save more money.

My first thought was to say something like “stop trying to be like everyone else, you are going to fail and it’s not worth it” but more than that I want to say “for fuck’s sake, pick one of your ‘impossible’ dreams, ANY one of them - med school? Working at a game company?? Go ahead - and just go all the way with it” and “the later you pick up a skill to learn the harder it’ll be” .

And maybe “read your palm” as I think that’s the only “mystical” thing my younger self would take seriously and I feel like she should give up on certain pursuits early on…

In the end I don’t hate (all but 1 of) my choices that much since I tried my best often anyways.

Don't do the immoral thing, you'll still feel guilty 25 years later

Don't try and kill yourself. You'll only fail, then you'll feel like an even bigger failure for not even suiciding properly.

I'm not joking. There are few worse feelings than waking up after a huge overdose, covered in your own vomit, and realising you are still alive and couldn't even do that properly. I was in a deep hole that took years to get out of, but that little escapade just made it all the deeper. It does not help.

Yell at your sister and mom what you really feel and tell them how they failed you. If they get mad, it's their guilt making up excuses, and you know that. You know how you've showed up for them and their lack of showing up for you is about THEM, not that you aren't good enough to be loved.

Your friends love you and care for you. They can't be everything to you, that's all. They love you.

Whatever happens, you will be strong enough to do great things. The hardships will be painful, but when you feel like utter shit and like life can't get better, that's not true. It will feel true, but hang in there. You are going to see good days and have good times. I promise.

You might not believe it but when you find the courage and strength to embrace your femininity, it will feel less like a performance than your "I-have-no-fucks-to-give" nihilistic attitude.
Once you get there, you will realize how much you deny sweetness, kindness, smiles and genuine care into your life.

It's OK to embrace the shitty things when they're shitty.
But it's just as OK to embrace the good things when they're good.

And keep writing. Stop sharing with your friends because it hinders your creativity and desires to challenge yourself, but please write. Write as much as you can, it's about getting your mind to embrace your gift, not to prove to anyone else if you are a good writer.

get out of the city early. Because if you don't, you never will, and you'll still want to get out for the next several decades.

Yeah, you should have jumped off that bridge.

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[ SECRET POST #6046 ]

What would you tell your younger self?

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