fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6072 ]

[ SECRET POST #6072 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6072 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Jojo's Bizarre Adventure]

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[Futurama]

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

OP here. They were making the kid (who I think is about 4) kiss and hug the baby whether she felt like it or not. They also were encouraging other adults who weren't family members to tell the kid to do this. I think this is messed up.

Are you around kids much? The baby is new. You sometimes have to force kids to interact with others. Especially a new sibling that the child may be feeling jealous or even scared of. If you don't force those interactions, they may not have any contact at all.

Forced contact is not going to make jealousy or fear go away. it may make it worse.

I can guarantee that you don't spend a ton of time around kids. Kids are not little adults.

Please tell us more about your real life firsthand successes with forcing children to do things they don't want to do, and how this is soooooo much better than trying to create a positive, non-coerced environment for them to adjust to big life changes.

I'm a 3rd grade teacher who also spends time with other grades in the school regularly. You are the one who does not spend time around kids. And if you do, you should either stop immediately or drastically change the way you treat them. You're right: kids are not little adults... and you can't force them to behave like adults. This is literally the most basic knowledge you should have going into any job that involves kids -- including parenting! Unfortunately, parenting isn't a degree you can get, so a lot of parents and relatives of young children don't understand how to treat them.

And if you do have "training" and are saying what you do with authority, you're still incorrect because there are unfortunately a lot of bad child-rearing models taught out there. These have all proven with research to be ineffective and detrimental, such as ones that encourage corporal punishment, other harsh forms of discipline that serve more to punish than correct, and ones that don't give children the space to say they're not comfortable doing expected social niceties involving physical contact.

Please share the research on how making siblings hug negatively affects them. Must be a ton.

nayrt - It's about teaching children bodily autonomy and that they don't have to be physically affectionate with other people if they don't feel like it. I really, really hope you're not involved in children's education or childcare on any level without knowing this.

Please don't have kids.

Please don't have children. Please stop interacting with children. Fuck is wrong with you

100% wrong and likely to achieve the opposite goal. Parents can be really dumb sometimes, my sympathies to the older kid.

Wanna bet how little this is going to effect the kid? Sometimes I forget how extreme everyone on the internet thinks. Real, "delete Facebook, hit the gym, consult a lawyer" vibes in here.

It's basically impossible to predict how shit affects kids

But also this is still fucking weird and bad

You only think it won't affect her because people rarely realize how strongly certain childhood experiences relate to the way they are as adults.

You seem weirdly invested in forcing children to be physically affectionate with people even if they don't want to be. What's the big achievement in doing it by force rather than encouraging it to happen at the child's own pace and development?

I bet their parents made them do similar things as a kid. People who had a mostly good childhood and relationship with their parents can be very touchy when confronted with the idea that maybe their parents had some damaging parenting techniques. It's like being told you're damaged now. I can relate to this feeling myself. But in these cases you put on your grownup pants and don't insist that because you came out mostly fine, that was ideal parenting and should be defended and encouraged.

You may be right. I'm also puzzled by the suggestion that just because it might not do serious damage, it's a good idea. Um... no? Teaching kids that they don't have to let other people touch their bodies if that touch is unwanted is a very good idea. People should grow up believing that they don't need to endure physical contact with someone just because other people think they ought to do it.

And on the flip side, what exactly is the big benefit that makes forcing kids to hug and kiss people they don't want to hug and kiss? I have a hard time believing that this approach is going to yield a good sibling bond in OP's specific case. The whole "you don't know kids" is also baffling. Because kids are notorious for enthusiastically loving stuff that they've been forced to do by authority figures, right? And forced affection is a great way to develop real affection, of course!

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[ SECRET POST #6072 ]

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