case: (Default)
Case ([personal profile] case) wrote in [community profile] fandomsecrets2024-01-24 06:12 pm

[ SECRET POST #6228 ]


⌈ Secret Post #6228 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 18 secrets from Secret Submission Post #890.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

(Anonymous) 2024-01-25 01:06 am (UTC)(link)
It has taken me an enormously long time to learn not to offer people help if they don't ask for it directly.

(Anonymous) 2024-01-25 02:00 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm not so sure if this is necessarily the best approach. I know I've struggled asking for help because I can't figure out how to phrase things or where to start. In those cases, having someone ask, "How may I help?" can generate a conversation that helps me articulate where I need assistance.

On the flip side, when I have been able to ask for help and articulate what I need, I've been misunderstood, dismissed, or treated with varying levels of contempt. It's made me a lot more hesitant to reach out.

(Anonymous) 2024-01-25 03:13 pm (UTC)(link)
“How can I help?” is quite a bit different from what OP is doing though.

“I have decided that you need help, and that what would help you best are these things that I am giving you whether you want them or not” is presumptuous.

(Anonymous) 2024-01-25 04:03 pm (UTC)(link)
Agreed that OP's approach is very different. That said, my response was less inspired by the OP's behavior and more by this part of the previous comment: " if they don't ask for it directly."

(Anonymous) 2024-01-25 06:38 pm (UTC)(link)
“I have decided that you need help, and that what would help you best are these things that I am giving you whether you want them or not” is presumptuous.

I'd actually like that. To me it shows a friend is paying attention and is proactive in showing they care and trying to help. I wish I had friends that would do stuff like that. But I am also a person that can easily say no thank you and does not get offended easily. I could see someone who is more sensitive (said in a neutral way, not mocking at all) seeing this as a passive aggressive attack. Which, tbf, it sounds like maybe OP started as genuine and now is just being passive aggressive so I can see it both ways.