fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6316 ]

[ SECRET POST #6316 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6316 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Ayviedoesthings]

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 37 secrets from Secret Submission Post #903.
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I've never been on a date and I feel like I missed the window and it is too old to start now. I mean who wants to date a 42yo who has never gone on a date or been in a relationship?

Me too. I just hit 40, and there are still a few things preventing me from getting out there right now, but there are definitely people like us out there. I'm trying to keep the mindset that everyone starts somewhere.

In Australia there's a show called Better Date Than Never, about people dating for the first time.

I'm 38. I've been on exactly one date, with the son of a family friend who I wasn't particularly attracted to. I wish being bi meant more options. But I'm still me, and not very appealing to anyone. Oh well.

Ah. Me too, but I'm 35.
My problem is that I even had opportunities, but 1) I am too stupid and didn't get that some people were interested in me/asked me out on a date - I have serious problem reading the room 2) have been sexually abused in childhood and I don't want to burden my eventual partner with that shit (basically I still have huge issue with sex and sexuality even if I've been in therapy for years now lol what a waste) 3) I am a lesbian now living in a homophobic town with a homophobic family.
I hope I'll get one date someday... but UGH i just don't see it happening any time soon.
It fucking sucks.

My basic thought as someone who doesn't date a lot is that there definitely ARE people out there who I would want to date and who would want to date me. I am very confident about this.

The difficult (possibly impossible) thing is finding them. And especially finding ones who live in the same city as you, as opposed to finding people online that you would definitely date if you didn't live thousands of miles away from them.

I fully believe their is someone for everyone, it is just the odds of finding them that seem so impossible.

how do you explain people who have gone through their whole lives in no romantic relationship, or the wrong romantic relationship?

DA
they simply had rotten luck (or ingrained self-loathing) and didn't find their person. But I'm not like the nonny above: I don't think there is someone out there for everyone, but the high that you are pretty compatible to at least a couple of other people is pretty high.
The problem is not even "finding someone", it's building a pretty solid and healthy relationship. That's the hard part.

38, f, I've had exactly one relationship and never dated. I'm mildly autistic and live with my parents. Who wants to say 'hey come back to my parent's with me?'

As the possibly youngest person on this thread, 31, I went on my first date at 26, didn't have my first kiss (a peck, really) until 30, I'm going to say it's not too late. I do understand the feeling of missing the window, but there are plenty of people who don't really care. Just last year I went out with someone who, like myself, at the same age, 30, also hadn't been in a relationship. And you know what, that didn't matter to me! it's about getting to know someone! At least for me.

How do you find these people? the last two I went out with were people I met in public places (dancing, live music venues, etc.). The first folks I ever went on dates with I met online, at the behest of my friends. If I knew you, OP, I'd definitely be your wing person. Get you hyped up, believing in yourself, and ready to just meet people. It's also not something you necessarily need to discuss. If you want to disclose to someone that you've never been on a date before, that's up to you! if you're feeling self conscious. etc. Anyway, wishing you luck, confidence, and self love, OP!

39, and I totally get this feeling. The last time I dated anyone was back in ninth grade, and I only dated my boyfriend for six months. We kissed, and that was it. So I definitely feel a bit awkward about putting myself out there, especially since a lot of the means people use to date nowadays just...don't really seem like my thing. I'm not good with social media and apps and whatnot the way others are, so I feel like even if I tried them I'd forget to keep up or whatever :p.

But at the same time, I'm also not actively looking at the moment, so it's one of those things where for the most part I'm fine staying single, but every so often I do have those, "But what if...?" feelings.

I do agree, though, that there are probably more people out there who are open to dating someone in our situation than we might think or imagine, so I hope that is the case for you if/when you have the opportunity to go on a date.

+1 I picture going on The Apps and I just imagine it's nothing but good-looking people who date all the time looking for casual hookups and wanting to mock people like me.

Is this an objective picture of reality, well no.

I know I shouldn't talk... but I hate the current dating scene? I mean, all the dumbass expectations and pressure society has put on it and shit it all up. All this pressure to find a mate, to do things on a timeline, to value matching up over honesty, security over a genuine connection. Why can't people just... hang out? Get to know one another? Like I said, I shouldn't talk... and I'm not saying dating should be the same for everybody, because you should do what works for you. I'm just saying I don't enjoy being put under a bunch of dumbass pressure when all I just want is to get to know somebody.

>>All this pressure to find a mate, to do things on a timeline, to value matching up over honesty, security over a genuine connection. Why can't people just... hang out? Get to know one another?

Now that I'm in my mid 30s I feel the societal pressure to dating simply because all my friends are getting farther and farther away, building their own life with their partners and kids and I'm left all alone.
I value friendships way more than romantic connections and boy, it is a lonely world right now. I just hope that I will get to build new solid friendships in the future, especially when I'm in my 50s and parents are free from caring 24/7 about their children so they can get into hobbies etc.
I just don't want to date. I'm not even aroace. I simply don't find all that interesting... I just want to hang out with my friends and play board games or go to cafes... sigh.

Yeah this seems like it belongs in its own thread. OP said they want to date and this reply reads like shaming them or explaining to them why they are wrong for wanting that or something. Like I get your pov but seems like a weird reply to someone sad about not dating.

It probably should be its own thread, but how the hell do you get shaming OP or telling OP they are wrong from the reply?

38 and I've wondered if I plaster the aroace ID onto me to avoid dating.

I've never been into the dating scene though as a child I had a lot of daydreams about meeting the perfect man and being swept up in a big romantic relationship.

I don't know if I just like romantic stories because they were what helped me survive a chaotic upbringing or if it's something I desire but am afraid to put myself out there.

I struggle to talk to people about it because in the past the friends who I opened up a bit to about this just immediately began telling me that I DO want to date but I just don't want to put myself out there, not willing to believe me when I say dating in general has never really appealed to me and although I do enjoy romantics films and books, after unpacking my internalized misogyny and decentering men (as well as accepting that I find attraction to women), I realize the reality of dating and romantic relationships don't appeal to me.

I've thought about this a lot and I still feel like I have no certainties on what I want or who I am. So far, I like focusing on me, I don't want to date right now.
Maybe my mind will change but not right now.
Though NGL sometimes I do feel lonely and I do wonder if I do want to date, even though I never have.

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[ SECRET POST #6316 ]

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