fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6320 ]

[ SECRET POST #6320 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6320 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 08 secrets from Secret Submission Post #903.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Lol, misfired the first time

So another day in searching for job quest. I am having really bad anxiety day. I had to ride over a big bridge but took a longer road around because yeah, too scared. So was a bit disappointed in myself. And apparently I had to take an elevator to the needed floor... and I couldn't do it I was scared shitless. So I had to ring them up and ask if they can open a door I can go to by stairs. I am a bit proud of myself for that, I was so tempted to run.
I don't think they are going to hire me. I mean, the whole elevator thing and also I was passionatly against LLMs ahahha.
So yeah, another day, another fail I guess

Dragging my feet on quitting a group where it took a long time for me to admit it was full of folks who possibly aren't good for me and who I possibly do not want in my life. I feel like such an asshole after so many years. Like why can't I just be *cool* and *want* to hang around? Which is ridiculous because people are allowed to change interests and friends, but when it comes to me, somehow it's completely unforgivable. And arrogant thinking, as though I have tons of connections (I don't) and can afford to just lose friends like it's nothing (also ridiculous, I mean, I don't really have any friends but to be fair I'm alone most of the time so it wouldn't be much of a change).

I just want to make room for better people, people I can be myself around, who aren't gossipy drama queens that lack self-awareness and never care about their role in a bad situation that they, for some reason, just keep finding themselves in. I wish I were wise enough and mature enough to recognize good compatible people and maintain those friendships. But it always seems like when I find a group, there's one or two awful or abrasive people that I don't understand why the other folks are hanging around. But I can't ask them to leave so the only choice is to find another group. (I also fear being that abrasive asshole people are leaving over too.)

This sucks!
Maybe try taking more one on one friendships?
I have friends that have other friends I don't really care about but it doesn't really matter since I don't spend a lot of time with this people.
But boy do I understand how difficult is to let go of some friends because you are scared of being lonely.

I'm okay with being lonely, or alone. But it makes things difficult during times depending on someone is necessary (hospital stay for instance).

One on one friendships are still tricky due to extensive past trauma. I don't want to be alone with someone who's just going to harm me, even if they don't mean to. Obviously most aren't out to harm me but I fear I'll only run into the ones that do. I also fear I'll be that asshole who makes others responsible for my social life (which I have done in the past).

Okay, bye.

We wish you would go but here we are

You weren't my friend to begin with, but you're certainly free to leave.

Ugh why do I get sick/nauseous when I've got plans to hang out with my friends??

Last week I woke up nauseous and was sick a couple times in the bathroom. Took some medication and as the day went on I began to feel better.

Now, yesterday I felt congestion building in my nose and throat. Took some zinc chews, got a lot of sleep, but still feeling a bit icky.
Eating 2/3 of a bowl of oatmeal so far with hot water is helping my tummy, feeling a little less nauseous.
But God damn, last week the illness didn't stop me from going out with my friends, this week won't either!

Gonna go buy a couple packs of Cold-eeze and suck on them until this icky congestion passes. I hate navigating eating food and drinking liquids before/after consuming zinc, it can upset my stomach or leave mouth feeling gross.

I want to respond to every single post! INKITT will not save you, you're only resetting the clock! The only hope is to go somewhere that *wants* your fic, not just your ad impressions. Don't you see?!? Please God put your stuff on Ao3, I might want to read it some day!

But I don't because I'm too cowardly to get into potential arguments with strangers on the internet today.

Not cowardly, smart. You smart.

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[ SECRET POST #6320 ]

Vent thread

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