fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6405 ]

[ SECRET POST #6405 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6405 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07. [SPOILERS for House of the Dragon]

__________________________________________________

08. [SPOILERS for Centaurworld]

__________________________________________________

09. [WARNING for discussion of both real life and fictional rape/sexual assault]

__________________________________________________

10. [WARNING for discussion of Neil Gaiman/sexual assault allegations]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 00 secrets from Secret Submission Post #915.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I read yet another book where a character just found herself having sex with a hot man, only to be overcome with guilt because he's dating her best friend. Does lack of impulse control actually happen when you're horny? Or is that exaggerated for the drama?

Exaggerated for the drama but it does happen irl. Alcohol clouds judgement, so do hormones, and some people just don’t think before acting sometimes regardless of any outside factors.

There are people who struggle with lack of impulse control and make bad decisions in the moment then regret them later for all kinds of reasons, including horniness.

Nobody is entirely controlled by their desire to have sex. Wanting to really badly, but choosing not to because there are good reasons that it would be a bad idea, is always within anyone's power. It's just like any other temptation. So nah I wouldn't call it "lack of impulse control," I'd call it "not thinking things through" or just "making a choice you regret" and that can happen with anything, not just sex.

complete amnesia about the guy fucking your best friend? nah. you wrestle with that first and then decide you don't care about your best friend and do it anyway. horny drive at best results in questionable choice of location or improvised vibrator, not "oh shit I forgot you're dating bestie!"

OMG this. I was really enjoying Justified and then Timothy Olyphant's character slept with a protectee and I'm just like...???? dude? Why can't you just keep it in your pants?? It's unethical, it's unprofessional, it could ruin your career and your life, all you need to do is wait a few months. Seriously???

Did it show him having post-nut clarity?

Nope.

A little, perhaps. But I'd give major side eye to someone who just whoopsy-daisy fucked her best friend's partner because they were horny, because that's not excusable unless there's some mitigating sex pollen type factor. Even if both parties were drunk, it's not a good look.

Eh, this is kind of a thing? Being horny can affect your decision making for the worse. But you don't get into that position all of a sudden. Like, if I know someone is in a monogamous relationship with a friend of mine, I don't look at them as available, I certainly don't flirt with them, and I would exit the situation and tell my friend if they started hitting on me. Especially if I'm at all attracted to the person, I try to keep a friendly distance! So there's no scenario where I'm innocently flirting with my friend's boyfriend and things go too far somehow and then suddenly I get so horny I decide to just go with it???????

There are brain injuries that can affect impulsivity enough that someone has almost no impulse control and can lead to inappropriate sexual situations (also a lot of other inappropriate situations, some of which are criminal). Things like hormones, stress, mood-altering substances, and conditions like ADHD can all have an impact on impulse control. But most of the time, something like that is the result of a series of bad decisions and not bothering to think about the consequences of them as they make them.

This is so variable that if you ask 100 allosexuals you'll get 100 different answers.

JFC I hate the term "allosexual."

"A" as a prefix means "lack/absence of." The opposite of "asexual" is sexual, not "other-sexual" or "auto-sexual." There's absolutely no reason to attach the "allo" prefix to it.

It's there because "sexual" already has a different meaning (in the case of a person, someone who really enjoys sex and their sexuality, not just a person capable of being sexually attracted to others). Language is wonderful and accommodating and this is the same level of nitpickiness homophobes use when they say "I'm not homophobic because phobia means fear and I'm not scared of gay people, I just don't like them." Or in-community gatekeepers who say "Bi means two, so if you're attracted to men, women, and nonbinary people, that's more than two so you can't be bisexual, you're pan now, sorry I don't make the rules!"

Oh, cut it out with this, "if you don't accept this particular word, then you're just like these bigots over here" crap, especially since "allosexual" is akin to your example of "pansexual." "You're not ace? Then that means you're allosexual! Oh, that's not the word you'd use to describe yourself? Sorry, that's what you are, and that's how I'll be describing you from here on out, I don't make the rules!"

A word that means more than one thing depending on context is called a "homonym." This is a normal and common thing in language, and does not necessitate its decomposition into separate words. If I say, "boy, that bark is really loud," you know I'm not talking about the bark on the nearby maple tree. If I say, "I'm gonna pound that guy," you know I'm not talking about British currency. And in a conversation about attraction, we know what "sexual" means. The idea that we need to add a prefix onto it or there might be confusion between it and its homonym is nonsense.

DA

I mean it definitely has a time and place. for example "an allosexual 15 year old" has a different connotation and possible meaning from "a sexual 15 year old" which can easily be taken to mean "sexually active" as opposed to "not being asexual" ... and is also a really awkward phrase.

Also "allosexual friends" = groups of people who are not ace; "sexual friends" can be mistaken for FWBs. Or "I asked my allosexual partner about this" vs "I asked my sexual partner about this"...

There are times when sexual person and allosexual person can be used interchangeably without confusion and there are times when the former does cause confusion, because context does that too

1000% agreed.

Signed, a different asexy anon

Calling somebody "sexual" without any modifier has MASSIVE negative implications (to those who have undergone sexual trauma, to gay and bi people whose existence is treated as inherently sexual and dangerous, to POC whose existence is treated as inherently sexual and dangerous). But we still need language to talk about the-state-of-not-being-asexual. Sorry it's clumsy. Real humans are often clumsy.

Do you also rail against the word "flammable"? Or is increased clarity in language okay (according to your worldview) when the alternative is people literally setting themselves on fire?

Yeah, allos really don't like aces having the language to describe our experiences. They want to shut us up about how we are, because they hate us because they think we think we're better than them.

AYRT

Having met plenty of language pedants in my time (and, er, being one myself, though my language pedantry falls along different lines than the AYRT), I think it's equally or more likely that the AYRT is sincere in their appeal to grammar.

However, I also think that there are circumstances--including this one--where language evolves in direct pursuit of greater clarity, and that this is something to be embraced rather than rejected.

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

(Anonymous) - 2024-07-20 10:19 (UTC) - Expand

Short answer? Yes, but also it's exaggerated for the sake of drama.

Look at it this way: There are people out there with such poor impulse control and shaky morals that they'll steal a coworker's lunch out of a shared refrigerator. Enough people will that there's memes and whatnot about it. But it would be wildly inaccurate to claim that no hungry person can resist an unguarded lunchbox.

Sexual desire is just a different type of hunger and there are horny people who will totally steal someone else's Snack because they're there and they're hot. It's not just because they're allo and horny though.

Also, unlike a ham sandwich, the "stolen" boyfriend typically has some say in the matter.

This is a really great way of explaining it.

A lot of people struggle with impulse control in various scenarios. And some people just... don't have it. Even when they're not under stress, horny, high/drunk, etc. But yeah, it's possible that a woman might get carried away, bang some guy and then feel remorse later for the decision. Happens all the time IRL.

Ummm being in a mania when you're bipolar

Risky sexual behavior is listed as a symptom. Heck when I was hypomanic years ago I nearly got in a relationship with a woman who was a walking red flag. She even said she didn't "believe in" safe words. Suggested a limited quota of opt outs. *shudder*

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #6405 ]

Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

A Fellow Confused Ace

Re: A Fellow Confused Ace

Re: A Fellow Confused Ace

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual

Re: Sex question from your friendly asexual