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fandomsecrets2024-10-03 06:41 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2024-10-03 06:41 pm
[ SECRET POST #6481 ]
⌈ Secret Post #6481 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 07 secrets from Secret Submission Post #926.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
TW: Gaslighting and Suicide
(Anonymous) 2024-10-04 03:04 am (UTC)(link)It didn’t work.
Something else was wrong.
No one believed me.
“It’s just because you’re so focused on journaling your progress that you aren’t making any.” “That isn’t a symptom of your diagnosis.” “It takes time, maybe because you had this so long it’s just taking an extra long time.”
Some of that was doctors and some were personal relationships. I’m extremely bitter about it.
My husband knew it wasn’t psychosomatic. He knew I was right that something else that had some overlapping symptoms was wrong with me.
He found a doctor on the opposite side of the state (250 miles and one time zone away) who was willing to see me.
I was scared. I’d gotten my hopes up several times before. And that’s not counting all times from childhood and beyond that I’d been told I was perfectly healthy.
I took a gun with me on the trip. I was going to see the doctor and if he told me nothing was wrong, I was going to eat a bullet in the hospital parking lot. I didn’t want my husband to have to clean it up or even see the scene immediately.
The doctor knew from my records and the letter I sent him what was wrong. Without even seeing me. He walked in and said “this is it! Now I’ll show you the proof.”
I walked out with some medication and a warning that it wouldn’t start working for a month. It was a long month. And it didn’t help much when it did start working, then it stopped working.
I called the doctor in one last desperate grab at life and he started me on an experimental treatment. I had to drive to his office once a month to get it for the first three months, which also happens to be how long before it might start working. Oh, and the side effects are extreme. Some patients die while the treatment is being administered. Might happen on the first, could be the third. After that it’s generally not fatal. Oh and I’m allergic to it and tick all the boxes for high risk.
It’s been an amazing success! I am still on the treatment but can self administer at home.
Today I had a follow up appointment in person with him and my brain has been churning up all the anger and resentment towards everyone who has gaslit me. I broke down in tears when I thanked him today and I told him he saved my life. He was pretty shocked because to him, I’m just another patient and my case is just another day at the office. For me, I’m living for the first time in almost 50 years.
There were some other good things to come of all of this. The treatment now has FDA approval, my results indicate I have a good chance of going into remission in a few years, and I am making longterm plans for the first time ever.
But the resentment is swirling in me big time right now. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted after traveling 500 miles and riding an emotional roller coaster, but I can’t sleep. I just want to grab a few key people by the shoulders and scream in their faces and spew all the acid they poured into my soul. I deserved better and I know for a fact that most of them don’t think that I did.
Re: TW: Gaslighting and Suicide
(Anonymous) 2024-10-04 03:26 am (UTC)(link)Re: TW: Gaslighting and Suicide
(Anonymous) 2024-10-04 05:33 am (UTC)(link)Re: TW: Gaslighting and Suicide
Personally I know what it's like to face bad doctors and it can mess with you even long term.
Personally my bad therapist/doc exp was in my teen years with a therapist who saw me at my most depressed, bullied and somehow came to the conclusion i was a manipulator who was faking it and its fucked with my ability to trust my own perception since.
Idk if thats the same but uh
Anyway hug. Being angry about what you went through is very valid.
Re: TW: Gaslighting and Suicide
(Anonymous) 2024-10-04 03:04 pm (UTC)(link)Sorry you had to go through all that. Kudos to the doc for willing to try new things and work with you. Which is weird to say since that's his job but that doesn't seem to be the norm in a lot of places.