fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6481 ]

Because i gotta

What is with this new thing im seeing in a few spaces in a few fandoms where people are saying "if you don't agree with my read/take/theory on this fictional character to you are a legit danger to society"? Is this the new my headcanon is canon?

Because I hate it. I hate it so fuckin much. No i do not have to agree to shit. It does not make me a dangerous person. Shut up and go touch grass quit using this alarmist behavior to push your stupid theory/opinion. Its emotionally manipulative and nasty behavior.

It's just a different flavor of folks who don't get that fictional preferences are not an automatic reflection of your real life morals. Same with antis, same with people who think that fictional situations are a gateway to all manner of bad stuff IRL. Pay them no mind, they're fucking idiots.

~~Unless they are currently in office. Then we're fucked.~~

Idk man the Subaru/Kamui shippers were accusing the Seishirou/Subaru shippers of supporting rl abuse/being secret abusers back in the 1990s. People have always used "morality" as a bludgeon to try to get people to stop liking things they don't like, it's just that the nature of modern social media empowers and magnifies the reach and scope of this crybullying 100-fold.

Ugh, I loathe this so much. IME it's always ND people screaming about how their blorbo totally canonically has X or Y disorder and frankly I'm sick and tired of people trying to push their own diagnoses onto fictional characters who very clearly were not written that way.

I hate it, too. It's been around at least as long as I've been in fandom (had someone insist that anyone who liked my favorite character was morally suspect back in 2000 or so) but it's gotten much more pervasive lately. I wish people could just like or dislike things without trying to make it a moral issue.

I call Anthem Blue Cross. I tell them I need a mandibular advancement device. They give me the number of a local in-network dentist.

I call the dentist. They’re not in-network, and they’re sick of Anthem saying they are.

I call Anthem. They say they don’t even cover mandibular advancement devices, and I should call MetLife Dental.

I call MetLife Dental. They don’t cover mandibular advancement devices. That’s Anthem’s job.

I call Anthem. They give me a list of all in-network dentists within 20 miles who can give me a mandibular advancement device.

I call the dentists. One puts me on indefinite waitlist because they have so many patients already. Every other dentist is either out-of-network or doesn’t provide mandibular advancement devices.

I call Anthem. They say they can’t give me a list of dentists, because they’re medical insurance, not dental insurance. I try to explain they already gave me a list of dentists, and I get nowhere. They tell me to call MetLife and get a list of nearby dentists from them. Even if they’re out-of-network, Anthem will still pay 70%.

For lack of a better idea, I call MetLife. I say I need a local dentist who can provide a mandibular advancement device. They say they’ll send me a list of local dentists. I say I specifically need dentists who can provide a mandibular advancement device. They say they sent me the list of dentists. I hang up.

I call one of the dentists on MetLife’s list. They don’t provide mandibular advancement devices.

I call one of the out-of-network providers from Anthem’s list. I ask if it’s true Anthem will pay 70%. They say Anthem will pay 70% of the allowable rate, but they don’t publish what the allowable rate is, so it could be anything. I’m on the hook for everything else.

I call Anthem. They tell me it’s the provider’s legal responsibility to tell me how much I’ll have to pay. It’s not their responsibility (and they don’t tell me the allowable rate.)

I call the provider. They say it’s their legal responsibility to tell me the pre-insurance cost, but they have no idea how much Anthem will reimburse, because Anthem.

I give up and pay the provider thousands of dollars in cash for a mandibular advancement device. Fuck Anthem to hell and back.

I was all determined and excited to do Inktober this year as a fun little personal project but forgot until today. Or rather didn't fully realize it was already October. Which whelatver I will still join in but I am just so annoyed with my lack of memory and organization that I didnt even get this one simple thing started on time.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1fv91l9/being_a_parent_has_made_me_absolutely_hate_my/

Men are such shits. And before the #notallmen anons show up, here you go:

https://www.zawn.net/blog/hello-youve-reached-the-not-all-men-hotline

What a piece of shit!

Posts like that bother me in so many ways but I’m happy shit like this is betting broadcast. Things will change. It will take generations but we’re already seeing it. The asshole in this post used to be the norm in a lot of western society. That’s changing already but even better, their prospective partners are learning what to look out for before committing.

Men like that deserve to be loudly and publicly called out, but unfortunately, this situation isn't even that rare. I look at the majority of my female friends who are either married or in a long term partnership with a man and... yeah, a lot of familiar territory. The majority of the men in question are nowhere near as engaged with kids, if they have any. They don't contribute even close to 50% of the household work that needs doing, and this is true even if the woman they're with works full time. The woman is expected to cover half of financial expenses, but nearly 100% of the childcare, cooking, cleaning, etc.

It's frustrating because oh my god, how can they stand to be married to such manbabies? Well, not all of those guys were like that when they started. There are, sadly, a lot of men who talk a good game and carry their weight before marriage and children, and then slowly slide into a comfortable rut where they come home from work, crack a beer and start gaming because after all, they deserve to relax, amirite? They'll relax and enjoy their hard-earned leisure time while their wives/girlfriends rush around getting dinner ready, kids put to bed, toys picked up, lunches packed, and then squeeze in a night's sleep because they have to get up early for work the next morning. This is easy for men, because society tells us that it's okay for them to be semi-absent dads who can't do laundry.

My personal advice for women today: make sure you're financially independent and make sure you don't give that independence up. Don't get married without living with a man 2+ years, and if he shows any signs of the above sexist laziness, leave him. Watch your birth control in the mean time. Always have an exit plan. Think REAL HARD before you have kids, and figure out what you're going to do if your husband turns out to be a shit father as well as a shit husband. Don't be blinded by love and promises.

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

(Anonymous) - 2024-10-04 11:58 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

(Anonymous) - 2024-10-04 19:33 (UTC) - Expand

DA

(Anonymous) - 2024-10-04 21:15 (UTC) - Expand

Get a puppy with your partner before deciding on marriage. That'll show their true colours.

Idk, one of my neighbors is an absolute piece of shit to animals but weirdly seems nice to his kids. He might be the exception though.

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

(Anonymous) - 2024-10-04 21:56 (UTC) - Expand

But I don't want a puppy. I don't want something to clean up after no matter how cute and cuddly it is. I want a partner. And now there's another poorly trained doggo in a rescue because neither of our post-breakup studio apartments will allow dogs.

I'm sure a subreddit called TwoXChromosomes is completely normal and not at all riddled with TERFs.

Many transwomen post there, and some of the mods are trans. Anyone who expresses a mildly gender critical opinion there gets banned.

I’m sick. I’ve been sick most of my life. Three years ago, I finally figured out my diagnosis. Went to a doctor who didn’t believe me but I was insistent so she referred me to the relevant specialist. Diagnosis was confirmed, treatment started.

It didn’t work.

Something else was wrong.

No one believed me.

“It’s just because you’re so focused on journaling your progress that you aren’t making any.” “That isn’t a symptom of your diagnosis.” “It takes time, maybe because you had this so long it’s just taking an extra long time.”

Some of that was doctors and some were personal relationships. I’m extremely bitter about it.

My husband knew it wasn’t psychosomatic. He knew I was right that something else that had some overlapping symptoms was wrong with me.

He found a doctor on the opposite side of the state (250 miles and one time zone away) who was willing to see me.

I was scared. I’d gotten my hopes up several times before. And that’s not counting all times from childhood and beyond that I’d been told I was perfectly healthy.

I took a gun with me on the trip. I was going to see the doctor and if he told me nothing was wrong, I was going to eat a bullet in the hospital parking lot. I didn’t want my husband to have to clean it up or even see the scene immediately.

The doctor knew from my records and the letter I sent him what was wrong. Without even seeing me. He walked in and said “this is it! Now I’ll show you the proof.”

I walked out with some medication and a warning that it wouldn’t start working for a month. It was a long month. And it didn’t help much when it did start working, then it stopped working.

I called the doctor in one last desperate grab at life and he started me on an experimental treatment. I had to drive to his office once a month to get it for the first three months, which also happens to be how long before it might start working. Oh, and the side effects are extreme. Some patients die while the treatment is being administered. Might happen on the first, could be the third. After that it’s generally not fatal. Oh and I’m allergic to it and tick all the boxes for high risk.

It’s been an amazing success! I am still on the treatment but can self administer at home.

Today I had a follow up appointment in person with him and my brain has been churning up all the anger and resentment towards everyone who has gaslit me. I broke down in tears when I thanked him today and I told him he saved my life. He was pretty shocked because to him, I’m just another patient and my case is just another day at the office. For me, I’m living for the first time in almost 50 years.

There were some other good things to come of all of this. The treatment now has FDA approval, my results indicate I have a good chance of going into remission in a few years, and I am making longterm plans for the first time ever.

But the resentment is swirling in me big time right now. I’m physically and emotionally exhausted after traveling 500 miles and riding an emotional roller coaster, but I can’t sleep. I just want to grab a few key people by the shoulders and scream in their faces and spew all the acid they poured into my soul. I deserved better and I know for a fact that most of them don’t think that I did.

I'm so sorry you went through that, anon. You did not deserve it, and I hope this new course of treatment helps you.

Oh my goodness. I'm so glad you found a doctor who helped you and that you're still here. I would be furious too, that's more than understandable. I hope things continue looking up and you can find some peace of mind.

Oh my gosh im yo sorry you went through that *HUG*

Personally I know what it's like to face bad doctors and it can mess with you even long term.

Personally my bad therapist/doc exp was in my teen years with a therapist who saw me at my most depressed, bullied and somehow came to the conclusion i was a manipulator who was faking it and its fucked with my ability to trust my own perception since.

Idk if thats the same but uh

Anyway hug. Being angry about what you went through is very valid.

Makes sense. Probably feels safe to be fully pissed off now, now that your body can deal with it.

Sorry you had to go through all that. Kudos to the doc for willing to try new things and work with you. Which is weird to say since that's his job but that doesn't seem to be the norm in a lot of places.

This is a weird one. I got curious about what happened to an abusive ex of mine and looked at their social media for the first time in several years. They were doing really badly, same as ever but worse. I went through a lot of different emotions at once. A little spiteful satisfaction, because this person did really awful stuff to me. A lot more sadness, to be honest. It was surreal to see someone who used to have so much power over me that way. Back when we dated, we were both really unwell and self destructive. After we broke up, I guess I changed and they never did. It kind of shook me up, I guess I still see us as peers in my memories and see them as the person I admired and feared, not someone I just... pity. How they treated me was wrong but I have a lot more empathy for their side of things looking back on the relationship and their mental health issues and such. Just so weird and sad.

I know it's petty, I've been such a person...but I can't really stand people who point out how they "were there first" when it comes to anything, but mostly with pop culture stuff.

Can't simply be glad to hear someone you're talking to is also a Bridgerton fan. Have to let them know you read the books before the show came out and you were a fan of Regé-Jean Page and Jonathan Bailey before they were on Bridgerton.
Can't simply be a Dr Who fan. Have to point out you were watching the show since you were an infant and you simply were born with a taste for British media so you just knew as an infant that Dr Who needed to be watched from the beginning and even though the tenth Doctor is your favorite, you've watched them all and there hasn't been a day that had passed that you didn't know about Dr Who.
Can't simply be a fan of Metallica. You got their first record when they were still underground and before they went mainstream.

Like, IDK. I thought people would grow out of this competitive need to be the first fan (therefore you have the authority to gatekeep everything) before they hit...IDK their 20s-30s?

I also hate conversing with people who either don't bother to ask you some inviting question to start a conversation or they ask you a question about yourself, do not bother to do a followup to acknowledge they heard and absorbed your response but instead simply just start going off about themselves.
IE
P1: *hovers*
P2: Hey
P1: Hey, last night I was watching this new show with Benedict Cumberbatch in it and it's my new favorite show. I also have a doctor's appointment later today *goes on about whatever they want to talk about*

Or

P1: Hey how are you?
P2: Good, though I woke up late this morning.
P1: My day has been boring. My new diet makes me eat the same thing every day.

Like...clearly you didn't give a shit how I am. You just want to talk about yourself. Could have simply asked me if I'm free to talk...
And I understand everyone has their own POV and social skills but yesh, am I tired of my humanity not being recognized and appreciated by some people.

Just because I'm not super chatty doesn't mean I'm desperate for just any form of conversation. Wish some people would understand that.
I can tell you are desperate for conversation (hence you hover around me) but I don't know why you think I'm obligated to give you company just because I said hi or am not talking to anyone.

Person A said Person B did something awful. A is a delusional fantasist and narcissist, B is a narcissist and an abuser, I have no clue if it happened or if this is one more example of a move in a toxic relationship based on a sick idea where you aim to "win" by forcing the other to say you're right. Families. Who'd have them?

I've encountered so many people in fandom who are like this. I'm sorry this is going on in your family.

[ SECRET POST #6481 ]

Vent

Re: Vent

Re: Vent

Re: Vent

Re: Vent

Re: Vent

Copying this over from my Dreamwidth

My own dumb memory, or lack thereof

Posts like this make me sad and angry.

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

DA

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

Re: Posts like this make me sad and angry.

TW: Gaslighting and Suicide

Re: TW: Gaslighting and Suicide

Re: TW: Gaslighting and Suicide

Re: TW: Gaslighting and Suicide

Re: TW: Gaslighting and Suicide

Re: Vent

Re: Vent

Re: Vent

Re: Vent