fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #6548 ]

[ SECRET POST #6548 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6548 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

In a story, if a character is asexual but lets people assume that their lack of interest in the opposite sex means they're gay (and don't go out of their way to point out that they're not interested in the same sex either) because they feel that in their social circle being gay is more acceptable than being asexual?

Idk about problematic but it is definitely realistic.

I think it depends on how this is executed? if the character doesn't care about others opinions and has some internalized feelings about their asexuality, this makes sense to me and doesn't seem inherently offensive as long as it doesn't imply that allosexual gay people are somehow more privileged. if their social group skews gay, then it would be more acceptable within that peer group.

as long as it doesn't imply that allosexual gay people are somehow more privileged

They can be, though, depending on the context. Maybe privileged isn't the right word, but definitely more accepted and not as criticized/made fun of, if a friend group consists of all gay or bi people who tend to make comments saying awful things about asexuals.

Agree to disagree. Being accepted within a peer group that's bigoted isn't the same as privileged on a societal scale, but I'm not here to argue about that, just answering the question of if it's problematic to write (it isn't).

You're ignoring that societal privilege still is in action in societal subgroups. And inside queer communities, there definitely tends to be a "privilege pecking order" as well - it's just a matter of the group in question which ones are the more privileged and which ones aren't.

No, not quite. I've dealt with the intracommunity pecking order before, but the moment I leave queer communities I still have less rights than cishets.

Sure, but even there, some very liberal communities are more open to the "traditional" iterations of queerness on account of not understanding how asexuality works.

NAYRT

Totally agree. In my super liberal, ~sex positive~ community gay people are absolutely more privileged than ace people. The person you're replying to can dislike that I'm saying that for their own reasons, but that doesn't change the fact that it's true.

I'm not making a blanket statement or talking about anywhere else (in very conservative, religious communities I'm sure the opposite is true) but where I'm at, people don't care what gender/how many people you're having sex with/what kinks you're into, etc., as long as you're having sex with someone. If you're not, you're "sick", you're "just a prude", there's something wrong with you, you're mentally ill, there's something wrong with your hormones, you were clearly molested as a child, you need help, etc. etc.

In some places it's definitely easier to be gay than asexual, it just is.

Dang, mind naming some of these places? Would love to know.

You're actually asking ayrt to basically doxx themself just because you don't believe them huh.

I have been that ace in a group of queers where they all bash asexuality and make "jokes" about how some day I'll come out for real. Among other gross things.

I have better friends now so it doesn't matter, but yeah. I wish past me had just settled on "queer" with that group instead of admitting I was asexual.

Yeah, there's "allosexual gay people are more accepted and the REAL victims are asexual people" and that's a problem. If the fic is "I don't feel comfortable being out as asexual so I just let people assume I'm gay", that's fine. But also, different social circles have different norms.

I did this all throughout college. I don't know how successful I was at it, 'cause a lesbian offered to "jump start" my attraction.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #6548 ]

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