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[ SECRET POST #6605 ]

⌈ Secret Post #6605 ⌋

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being called weird? Bonus question, are you queer (or LGBT+ if queer bothers you)?

My dad sometimes calls me weird (usually for dumb reasons, like I like some food he doesn't or something), and I have to admit, it bothers me. He always says he doesn't mind being called weird and actually likes it, but I feel like there's a different connotation to calling a straight man weird and calling a queer woman (me) weird. I feel like I've tried so hard my entire life to be "normal" that being called weird just hurts my feelings a little more than maybe it would otherwise. He's accepting, and never calls me weird because of my sexuality, it's always little trivial things, but just the idea of being thought of as weird at all bothers me.

How do you all feel about it?

I used to not like it, but I've honestly just embraced the weird.

Not bothered at all.

I figure if someone thinks something harmless I'm doing that tons of people do is weird, they haven't met many people at all and its their sheltered-ness showing. Like tons of basic people think the most common kinks in the world are 'weird,' and lol to that.

If I'm doing something particularly unusual that nobody else I've ever heard of does, then sure, they're right. I can't think of anything in the latter category though.

This is timely because my husband and I were just talking about this. I have a health condition that means I need to cover myself head to toe if the temp goes over about 65°F. But I get comments about it from neighbors and we also know they talk about me to each other. (This isn’t paranoia, they’ll tell me they were talking to so-and-so.) I’ve heard: it’s weird, I’m overreacting, I’m attention seeking, it must suck to do this, and my favorite is that they’d kill themselves if they had to do it. I hate setting foot outside of my house in “nice” weather because of it. If I’m going shopping or something I don’t do it, I just hurry to and from my car. But tonight we walked the dogs and I even had my hat in my hand and had changed into a sun hoodie before putting the hat away and changing back into my T shirt because nice weather means I’m more likely to encounter neighbors who think I’m a total freak. A bug landed on my arm and now I have a total body rash I’ll be fighting for weeks. And I don’t think if I knew that would happen that I wouldn’t still choose the T shirt and the appearance of being just like anyone else.

Re: How do you feel about...

(Anonymous) - 2025-02-05 01:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How do you feel about...

(Anonymous) - 2025-02-05 03:17 (UTC) - Expand

I've been happily operating under the label of "weird" for 27 years or so. I'm bisexual.

It's understandable to want to be "normal," but try to keep in mind that normal isn't necessarily good; it depends entirely on what group you're trying to fit into, and what values that group holds. And to be "weird" can be normal, if you're among people who are weird in similar ways to you.

In any case, it doesn't sound like you father thinks you're weird in a bad way, and your people are very much out there, being weird as if it's the most normal, natural thing in the world. Strive for their norm, not the norm of people who won't appreciate who you are.

Re: How do you feel about...

(Anonymous) - 2025-02-05 01:06 (UTC) - Expand

“Weird” was genuinely my assumption about myself for as much of my life as I remember.

So it feels natural, but I’m also aware of the way it’s often meant derogatorily.

And yeah, queer. In a few different ways over the years.

Depends on context. I am definitely weird and don't mind friends and family saying it because they say it with love and/or humor, but if someone came at me trying to use it as an insult I'd prob be annoyed.

I think queer is the best descriptor for me, both sexuality and gender wise.

If I don't detect any vitriol behind it, then I have no issue with it. If it's something that I am, in some way, weird (if I go off on a tangent because my brain made a weird connection, frex)...yeah, fair. If it's not, then mostly I just get confused. If there IS vitriol, it's the meanness that bothers me, not the particular insult.

And, yes, I am queer. (Bisexual and genderfluid.)

Trying to be 'normal' and realizing how much I was hurting myself with it made accepting being 'weird' by far the less painful thing.

I love it, honestly. I’ve always been called weird and it’s never bothered me. My parents do wish I was more normal though.

I have been called a lot of things in my life, some more hurtful than others, but I don't think I've actually been called weird. I have referred to myself jokingly as a weirdo when doing something fannish, like cosplay or D&D, but not often, and less since fandom became mainstream and people know now what these fan activities are. I embrace my own weirdness when I know I'm being weird, and yes I am a transdude. Maybe it's fine when I call me that, but other people calling me that might feel, well, weird.

ime, nonny, it's not the word that's bothering you, it's that you're feeling like it's your father's go-to insult. it may be the tone, it may be the context, but you're not getting an affectionate vibe from him when he says it, and that's the problem. If it comes off ignorant, disgusted, judgmental, like it's something they want you to stop doing (or saying or liking or eating or...), then yeah, it's gonna hurt. Substitute any other word for "weird" and if it still comes off as him judging you or trying to get you to stop doing it around him, then it's not the word itself.

"Anything that's not exactly like me and my experiences is weird!"

This is what the phrase "ok boomer" was coined for.

Queer and been called weird for many other things, especially back in school. I own it now. My parents have a habit of using queer to describe people's actions and what they don't like about them, so it's the opposite for my end. I keep reminding them but it seems to go over their heads.

I want to be odd. (I'm on the pan-ace continuity and an enby, if you want to know.)

I AM weird. I’ve been weird all my life, and the older I get, the more I own it. There ain’t another one like me in the whole world, and if people can’t accept me, they can fuck right off.

"Weird" was a huge compliment in my nerdy high school clique. I've taken it as such ever since. I would say there's a certain group of (usually) older white straight people who use it as an insult, but they're telling on themselves.

IMO, it's the difference in your situations that changes the weight of it. Straight men have enough privilege to withstand a bit of "othering" because everyone gets that it's a joke and not real and it's fine. They've likely not had to deal with the repercussions of truly being "other", and many of them lack the empathy and compassion to get how that can feel.

But when you're LGBT+/queer, you know and have likely experienced firsthand that being set apart can have really negative consequences, so being "weird" isn't some harmless, quirky label to you. There's a lot more baggage to it, with real-life repercussions.

I've been called weird since I was 4 years old so I'm kind of used to it and started embracing it when I was a mall goth kid in the 2000s, which used to piss off the bullies that kept trying to use it as an insult on me (in addition - I went to an all-girls school and the same bullies would initially be like "you're more like a 14 year old boy than an actual girl" and eventually stopped because they didn't liked that I kept taking that as a compliment lol).

With that said I think intention matters. I've liked being weird because I hated forcing myself to be 'normal' when it usually felt uncomfortable and boring to do so with the consequences for not adapting barely sounding like threats (a classic "You'll never get a man if you don't wear make up and keep being into nerd shit" and me laughing my ass off saving on never buying make up that I don't want in the first place for the hypothetical man that I equally don't care about in exchange for the interests I'm actually invested in).

But if it hurts your feelings then I think that matters more, because even if everyone else who is ok with being called weird regardless of sexuality - it doesn't matter because you're not everybody else. You only get to be you and if what being normal to you matters then it's still important.
It does sound like your Dad isn't trying to be mean on purpose, if anything probably trying to pass on the 'don't care what anybody else think' idea onto you for an easier life, but you still have that different experience from him and if it upsets you to be called weird even for trivial things then it still matters.

With that being said, I can also see how hard it can be to bring it up because sometimes with parents it can be taken so personally when you mention what hurts you and how that might affect your regular relationship.

I enjoy being weird and being called weird. But. If I asked my father not to call me weird and he still walked over my boundary I would be pretty mad.
(My father does things like that, so I am never going to be close to him. Because he is ignoring things I ask like it's his fucking hobby)

I'm queer and have never been called weird to my face. It's probably because I'm aroace and don't exactly tell people that because it's not relevant in most situations. And I'm trans, but people like to forget that because my name is gender neutral but more common to my agab and I still look enough like a butch woman I guess.

Or maybe I'm called weird all the time but just never where I can hear it. It feels.... weird... not to be called weird. I'm small, quiet, and socially awkward too, so it's not that people are too afraid of suffering my wrath. What's also weird is that the last time I was bullied for my personality, I was called a bitch. I'm the opposite of a bitch, in a negative way. I wish I were more of one. Bitches can stand up for themselves.

I'm queer (lesbian in a same-sex relationship) and I have been called weird in both a silly, trivial way and in a mean-spirited way. The first doesn't bother me and I try not to let the second bother me. I am pretty weird lol.

I feel like I've been called weird my whole life. Always wanted to reclaim it as a good thing about me so I just saw it as a means to keep being me.
I think I always felt different and often left out (especially as a kid and teen) so I always felt like I didn't fit any molds.
Even within geek/nerd/fandom-heavy crowds, I was often an outlier.
All of this lead to me always feeling like I am indeed "weird" when called so.

I'm queer and neurodivergent so I have known/suspected me being called "weird" wasn't just a "You are different in ways I can't comprehend" expression, but more a "I look down on you for being different" expression.
It hurts but I've often told myself if people can't handle my weirdness, they can fuck off with their boring asses. What can I do to be less weird? Be less myself? If I'm not hurting anyone, I don't need to wonder if my weirdness is bad.

Is there anything you are/have/do/think/say that nobody else you've ever heard of, online or offline, does?

How unusual are you, really?

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