[ SECRET POST #099 ]

[grayout.livejournal.com]

⌈ Secret Post #099 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Early because I need to go recharge.

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 106 secrets from Secret Submission Post #015.
Secrets Not Posted: 0 broken links, 0 not!secrets, 0 not!fandom.
Next Secret Post: Tomorrow, Sunday, April 15th, 2007.
Current Secret Submission Post: Here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[grayout.livejournal.com]

Why's it "pathetic?" Some people just don't like sex. I'm fine with my "naughty bits" being there, I just don't want to look at other people's. Or have anything to do with them. Kind of like, I have no interest in uh, eating frog legs. Is that such a pitiable thing?

[grayout.livejournal.com]

Yeah. I mean, I think it's kind of gross, but I'm not gonna be all EWWWWW at people who DO have sex or people who DO think genitals are nice. I just think they're kind of weird looking.

But then again... why is having sex and also thinking it's gross and/or being squealy and "eww" about it "pathetic?"

This thread is so great, though. I should save it to point people to! "I SUCK AT SEX! DON'T HAVE SEX WITH ME. Please. Ever! :D"

[grayout.livejournal.com]

But thinking something's gross-looking doesn't mean you're afraid of it. Like schizotypal said, people can put that aside for their partners because they ARE their partners... but everyone else falls into "ewww" category.

It's like eating, like you said! Some food looks/smells disgusting but you'll eat it anyway 'cause it tastes good! Doesn't mean you'll go around eating everything that looks/smells disgusting, you know?

[grayout.livejournal.com]

Having someone pleasuring you but pulling faces and being grossed out is pretty much the least sexy thing ever.

I think we're talking about totally different types of people, then. Like

A) people that do it but TOTALLY RELUCTANTLY LIKE AUGH GROSS I DONT WANNA DO THIS UR DISGUSTING
B) people that do that to everyone else BUT you -- but since it's YOU, they like it/don't think it's that gross (i.e. completely putting it aside) → I've done this one before, and no one's complained. :D

[punanamine.livejournal.com]

Thinking sex is gross isn't pathetic. If you'll read my comment you'll see I was addressing the idea that someone can find genitals ugly and still put those feelings aside to pleasure their lover anyway.

People who have sex when they don't like it are pathetic. People who "pleasure" you when they think your bits are gross are pathetic. My point was that it is always obvious to the receiver when someone is doing something they honestly don't like.

Better to be someone like you, and admit you don't want to have sex, then to become someone's lover when you're secretly disgusted by their private parts. That is what I was calling pathetic.

[grayout.livejournal.com]

Oh... okay, I think I see!

But I see that more as like, being nice on their part (I know, "being nice" sounds really weird, but you know what I mean *dies*) and getting over their hang-ups for your sake, and I don't see where the patheticness comes from. I mean, unless they make it obvious BY going "ewww" and stuff -while they're doing it- and then it's not really even putting it aside at all. >>"

[punanamine.livejournal.com]

Being nice in this way doesn't do your lovers any favors, let me assure you. Better not to do it at all than to do it only because you believe you're supposed to.

If you don't like your lover's genitals enough to WANT to give them head, then it's pathetic to do it. One would hope a person wouldn't be lovers with someone unless they can be honest and authentic with them, so if they're only doing it to "be nice," that's pathetic. Sorry!

[grayout.livejournal.com]

http://community.livejournal.com/fandomsecrets/31814.html?thread=2481990#t2481990 I think this explains me better. Like, less swallowing acid and being a martyr for your sake than, you know, just totally putting aside the "gross" feelings for (augh sounds so corny) "that special person."

The martyr thing is pretty pathetic, yeah.

[punanamine.livejournal.com]

Putting aside the gross feelings for "that special person" doesn't work. This is the point I'm trying to make. It is ALWAYS obvious. Your lover doesn't have to be pulling faces and saying "ewww" for it to be obvious. They may think they're hiding their feelings but they never are.

As I said, I would prefer that a lover be honest about their dislike--it's not like there aren't lots of other things a couple can do--than for them to give head to "be nice."

not directed at you

[ew-younerd.livejournal.com]

I'd like to point out that there is a difference between sexual aversion and asexuality.

Asexuality is, by definition, no sexuality. It is a lack of sex drive (toward others, interpersonal chemistry). Sexual aversion is actually being disgusted at the act of sex. Genitals are normal. They exist to make you feel good/reproduce/whatever, and sex releases bonding and love chemicals that most other acts between two people cannot.

If someone is straight and goes EWWWWW at the thought of homosexual sex, they have an aversion or an issue with homosexual sex. IF someone is straight and just goes "Um. not my thing." to homosexual sex, it's a lack of interest. Just like a straight man=\= homophobe, but a homophobic man's reaction to gay sex would not just be excused with the fact that he's 'straight', because an averted reaction in general is usually indicating you have an issue with the subject at hand rather than a disinterest in it.

Or maybe it could just be immaturity.

I know many asexuals, and most of them aren't afraid of human anatomy. If our genitalia were always out and shown, people wouldn't think they look 'weird' or 'gross'. If our arms were always covered and no one ever saw them, then when someone finally DID see our arms, people would think they looked weird and freaky as heck. "EW! LOOK AT THE VEINS IN THEIR HAND!!"

To be grossed out at a partner's privates is not accepting something they were born with. You don't need to interact with the partner's privates or get down and dirty with them, but to actually be grossed out is sexual aversion, not disinterest. Imo, at least.