[ SECRET POST #6821 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6821 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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(Maisie Dobbs series)



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 41 secrets from Secret Submission Post #974.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

The thing that bugs me is that a NB character/person could still be described as binary. Like I know a person who IDs as NB but they 100% present as a "normal" female woman. So NB really is a nothing label. It could be non-gendered, agender, gender binary presentation but not liking the labels, anything!

And before anyone comes at me for anything, I am 100% in support of people IDing however they want and have nothing against anyone who self describes as NB but still presents as typical of their assigned at birth gender. It's just a frustrating discussion for representation in media sometimes.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm enby (agender with minor dalliances in masc and fem once in a blue moon when the planets align and a rare flower blooms), but mostly "present" fem because I find dresses more comfortable alongside my disability. :|a This comment makes me wonder. I'm not really "presenting" so much as just. Wearing what is convenient to get in and out of around a wheelchair.

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I'm NB but I don't bother to be out about it in person because I'm always going to look female. At the very most, with considerable effort, I could maybe get to butch woman. But what I really want is to be left alone and not have to perform anything, so I just deal with being gendered female.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm kind of similar. I don't specifically consider myself NB or trans though. I am AFAB and because of a medical thing and just how my looks turned out, I generally am assumed to be male. Passing as female takes a lot of effort and so does trying to look deliberately androgynous. I don't care what gender people think I am, and I don't like putting a lot of work into my appearance. I used to worry about it more but as I got older I mostly stopped caring. I really feel what you said about wanting to be left alone and not perform anything. If that means usually being seen as a guy then that's fine by me.

[(Anonymous)]

I think people can ID (or they can ID characters, whatever) in any way they please and that's cool; I'm not the identity police.

But...I also don't understand all the labeling, because it just seems so irrelevant to me. Sometimes I wear men's clothes/shoes because they are dapper or natty or they're Americana workwear, which I love, sometimes I wear dresses that are cute, I've had sex with men and a few women, but I just don't feel a desire to proclaim any sort of gender status or orientation publicly, like, at all. If people want to try to assign some sort of label to me, I'm like a.) why?? and b.) wow, reductive.

Just don't get why people feel the need to announce this. Or make a list of their disabilities or neurospicy diagnoses on their Bluesky profiles or anything. I dunno, I just find it pointless and kind of odd.

Maybe I'm destined to be a hermit or something, because I don't really think building community based on labels adds anything to one's life experiences.

[(Anonymous)]

You don't have to understand the labeling, but understanding why it's not about clothes at least is incredibly simple because people have explained it over and over, and you don't need to understand the rest to understand that some of us get dysphoria from always being treated as our assigned birth gender and equally get dysphoria from the idea of being the opposite gender. My anxiety attacks about it happen whether you understand my label or not. I'm jealous that you can just not care, but I also get the feeling most "I'm too cool for labels cuz I don't care" cis people would start to care a lot if being misgendered was the rule and not the exception, and if almost nobody believed you when you told them they HAD misgendered you.

[(Anonymous)]

I have been depressed since I got my period because I'm enby. But I dress feminine, right? Well... The depression is because I'm dysphoric. Clothing doesn't mean gender. I want to wear dresses but I'm not a woman. I just find those comfortable to wear. And knowing others with my same gender exists means I don't feel isolated and insane when the TERFs and transphobes scream at me.

[(Anonymous)]

A lot of women get depressed when they get their period. Because it often sucks and hormones.

[(Anonymous)]

No. As in consistently depressed, not just because I'm on my period. I experience intense gender dysphoria over my breasts and vagina. Is that clear enough for you?

[(Anonymous)]

Then you should probably have been seeing a psychiatrist for a while.

[(Anonymous)]

Which is also fairly common for girls going through puberty and should be addressed properly.

[(Anonymous)]

I think they're saying they've been depressed since their very FIRST period because it caused sex characteristics to be more obvious.

[(Anonymous)]

It is a complete nothing label because no person is actually 100% "binary". Nobody is the full 100% gender stereotype. To pretend you're special because you don't ~feel~ 100% male or female - congrats, you're just like everyone else. Nonbinary means nothing.

[(Anonymous)]

So "man" and "woman" are also nothing labels because nobody is a complete gender stereotype, right? You agree there are infinite ways to be a woman or a man, right? So you wouldn't mind just suddenly being the opposite gender, right? You wouldn't have to change anything about yourself! You'd just have to get used to not feeling like you're the gender everyone thinks you are. That sound cool? Cool. That's my entire life.

[(Anonymous)]

Stop confusing gender and sex, hun.

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT.

I don't feel like gender or sex comes up in terms of the way I'm treated in general. People probably assume I'm a butch woman generally in person. If someone misgenders me, I guess I'd just correct them.

But what does that do in terms of putting pronouns on social media where people aren't even using their real profile pictures? Just use a gender neutral pseudonym and a picture of a tiger or something. "Oh no, I got misgendered online!" and it's some AFAB called Beth wearing lipstick and it just says nonbinary somewhere on their profile page nobody looks at when replying to their skeet. I can see distress occurring when someone is trans, but there are tons of people making zero effort to present as the gender they identify with and getting mad when they're misgendered as not nonbinary.

[(Anonymous)]

What do you wear when you identify as agender? And why do you have to comply with bullshit gender essentialism to be "gendered correctly?"

[(Anonymous)]

Hard truth: Unless you live in some really conformist place like an Amish or Mormon community or a Southern sorority or frat house, nobody actually cares about your gender.

Most "gender neutral" clothing, including clothes designed for babies and children, is essentially pants and a shirt that aren't pink (which is a separate toxic masculinity issue in that traditionally male clothing like jeans and t-shirts are coded gender neutral and lace and frills aren't, in the present day).

But that brings up...is Harry Styles genderfluid because he likes to wear frills sometimes? Was Prince? Or do they just like wearing more interesting clothes than menswear offers them? Neither of these people were like, "yeah, I'm nonbinary!" Though Bowie kind of embraced androgyny in a more open way, he always identified as a dude, as far as I know.

[(Anonymous)]

Nayrt
Yep. Most clothing labels that claim to be "gender neutral" are just nondescript baggy clothes in neutral colours. Why are they always so baggy? Because if they were more form-fitting they'd have to admit that specific sizing conventions were made because male and female bodies are generally a bit different.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm gonna be honest, if I looked AMAB and wore a dress, you'd be entirely incorrect. A lot of people care about what gender you present as. You're kinda deluded if you look at the US and think people don't care about what gender you present as. People absolutely care but only if you could be trans in any way.

[(Anonymous)]

What's really bullshit gender essentialism is insisting people who don't perform a stereotype are something "other".