[ SECRET POST #6841 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6841 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 41 secrets from Secret Submission Post #977.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Being cautious and refusing to trust are two different things. If a man you know is going to act violently towards you, statistically you know it within an hour of meeting him.

[(Anonymous)]

"If a man you know is going to act violently towards you, statistically you know it within an hour of meeting him."

Um...what?

I'm a woman who also finds the "TRUST NO MAN" attitude a bit much at times, but come on now. Do you think all date rapists, abusers, etc. show their true colors within an hour of meeting someone? Curious to know how "statistics" work in whatever world you're living it, because it's certainly not this reality.

[(Anonymous)]

da but I can say from personal experience that a LOT of people are willfully blind to what should be obvious red flags when someone is attractive/charming. Every time someone I've known has dated a guy who turned out to be a bad choice, all of the rest of us could see it WAY before the person dating him could.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt - It's true that a lot of people miss red flags but "willfully" is... complicated. Some people are in denial, sure. Others simply don't grasp the seriousness of the situation or what those red flags mean, either because they lack experience* or because they're also getting a lot of societal and cultural feedback about how dodgy male behavior isn't that bad, or how jealousy means he really loves you, or stand by your man, or you should communicate better because if you just said it the right way he wouldn't be angry and he'd totally parent his own children instead of spending every weekend drinking with the guys, blah blah blah.

And then some men just do a better job of hiding their real selves until they feel they've got a woman locked down in marriage, pregnant, financially dependent on them, etc. Then the mask slips.

* And predators will target people who lack experience, people who are good hearted and want to believe the best in others, etc. It's deliberate.

[(Anonymous)]

This is dangerously close to victim-blaming, if it's not there already. Shame on you.

[(Anonymous)]

nayrt - Very common these days. I see a lot of women who might be actively trying to get out of an abusive relationship and struggling, and still getting blamed because "you should've chosen better" or because they had a bad "picker" so their poor judgment means they deserve the awful man they have. A lot of awful men say this, and a lot of women with internalized misogyny issues say it, too.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, that’s why you never hear anyone say “I just can’t believe it! He was such a great husband and father! How could he have killed his entire family?” Or “you liar! That pillar of the community would NEVER molest children.” It’s why rape convictions are so easy to obtain and no one ever doubts women who come forward with accusations. Because violent abusers are so transparently obvious while guys you can safely trust have visible halos.

Must be nice that you and your friends are such perfect judges of character unlike the rest of us willfully blind people. Insert largest eyeroll imaginable here.

NA

[(Anonymous)]

statistically you know it within an hour of meeting him.

Is that a real statistic? It feels wrong to me, as domestic violence is often a 'boiling frog' scenario, at least in my (thankfully limited) experience.

Or is this a case where violent crimes committed by strangers (like muggings) so far outpace thinks like domestic abuse in sheer numbers that it skews the statistic?

[(Anonymous)]

No. Sorry, but no. This is magical thinking, and people want to believe they're so astute as to figure out who means harm to them, so they're safe and secure. But it's a fantasy. If it were that easy to tell whether or not a man is going to be violent, you wouldn't see so many women attacked/murdered by their boyfriend, husband, or male relative.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not sure you understand the meaning of "statistically", but that's just nonsense. Not every act of violence is sudden and immediate. There are plenty of men who behave juuuuuuuust well enough to go on a date with a woman, or even enter a relationship with a woman and THEN behave violently. Your "know it within an hour" is so absurd that you're either trolling or an idiot.

[(Anonymous)]

"If a man you know is going to act violently towards you, statistically you know it within an hour of meeting him"

Jesus Christ, this is not true at all. How fucking naive are you? Not to mention victim blaming as shit, are the myriad of women murdered by their exes or family members just asking for it then??

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Statistically, that is not true. Most abusers lure their victims in by playing an entirely different character until they gain their victims trust. They then introduce the more violent aspects of their character only once they know they can get away with it, or pretend it isn't the real them.

Your comment might as well be blaming any victim in an abusive relationship "because they should have known" when that actually isn't the case in real life.