[ SECRET POST #6898 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #6898 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.


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[What We Do in the Shadows]



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[Hero Inside]



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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 28 secrets from Secret Submission Post #985.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Thanksgiving blues.

[(Anonymous)]

I love my family, but going back home for Thanksgiving means travel (which I don't love) and staying at least a few days, and they can be a bit much. (I can't afford a hotel or AirBnb even there was one conveniently close by.) It's going to be tough getting regular breaks to just not be around the incessant questions or well meaning criticisms about my life choices ALL the time. I plan to take lots of walks but at this time of year that's going to be a damn chilly choice.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Re: Thanksgiving blues.

[(Anonymous)]

Alas, I'm the opposite. I haven't had the opportunity to visit for at least a decade, and in that time both my family and I have realized that this holiday is meaningless to us when we don't actually like turkey. To my mom, it's only about the food! And I can accept that, I'll find other days and times to visit, so divorcing the date of meaning has been really helpful.

I get you, nonny, a few years ago I had a really hard time balancing visits because I was newly out as a trans person and my nephews were too young to understand, so limiting my time around them was the only way to survive. But now, it's harder to break back into family routines even though my nephews get it and my siblings are cool. I feel like I've failed on several fronts, and I don't know if it's worth it to fight or just let it go.

FWIW, my 50 years have taught me that we can and should establish our own boundaries, and that "tradition" is a crutch we don't need to take up for any reason if we don't want to. If you don't want to travel and be forced to stay at a relative's place, you don't have to! No law says you have to indulge your relations if you don't want to. Don't tell them your work allows you a week off which they can coopt to stay there with them, limit it to day-of visits only or tell them you can't travel right now, just fucking don't. You have the right and freedom to decide how to spend your life, and I guarantee you no one on their deathbed has ever said "gosh I wish I'd spent a few thanksgivings with my shitty relatives who aren't even here to hold my hand while I pass." Most people who hold themselves as prisoners to their relatives on holidays seem like the kind of people who are mentally enslaved to concepts of tradition that they don't actually believe in, and this internet stranger gives you permission to re-evaluate your boundaries.

Re: Thanksgiving blues.

[(Anonymous)]

Not the same boat, but I'm a weird auntie afterthought at the table; I have two elderly blood relatives left; one each of my mom and dad's brothers, and I'm ace and single. So I tag along to my aunt's (dad's brother's wife's) family dinner.

One of her brothers is still alive and has two boys (both in college now but were born when I was in my early 20s) with his wife, and her sister. Plus the cousin whose dad died last year and has been having a rough time in general, and is a little older than me, but I met him briefly once as a preteen and then didn't see him again until he was in college.

My mom's brother and his husband are nice, but his husband's family are conservative and cruel and I lasted one dinner with them before going "fuck this."

It's just weird thinking that in another decade or two tops, I might just make myself a pan of stuffing and stay home because I'm a lifelong loner and my blood relatives will all be dead but me, and even now I see my not-really-cousins, not-really-nephews maybe twice a year and give them gift cards and fudge and that's it.

I get really lonely around the holidays, but growing up I was literally the only kid surrounded by my grandma's siblings and their kids and spouses at holidays; none of my dad's cousins and neither of his brothers had kids, my mom's brothers didn't have kids, so every year there were fewer people, and eventually/soonish it'll just be me.

Re: Thanksgiving blues.

[(Anonymous)]

I used to love Thanksgiving, but I guess it's because I'm getting older that I don't really like it anymore.

I'm realizing right now I'm like a middle aged housewife having a midlife crisis. I don't want Thanksgiving with the family anymore. I want to go on a trip! Visit a friend out of town. IDK I just want change.

My parents never really celebrated Thanksgiving (immigrant family). In my teens/early 20s, I really wanted to do a traditional Thanksgiving dinner because I watched a lot of Food Network XD I guess for a few years there I had a lot of fun planning and executing my idea of the perfect Thanksgiving dinner.
Now that I've done it for about 2 decades, I'm over it. My family gathering at my parents' house annoys me more than makes me glad.
I suppose now that I'm approaching 40, having to cook and "host" at my parents' house because I'm too broke to get my own place has really put a damper on my enthusiasm. Reminders of what I don't have and how painful it is to not have it.
I do look forward to possibly having my own place one day so I can make zero plans and just stay home by myself, would love to do that every couple of years.